Could it be fucked for good? Desperate need for some help

[itsdemmusic]

I have not looked at any pornography for +400 days, recently I started mastrubating again very sporadically (after being advised by docter and sexuologist to mastrubate). I have however abstained from mastrubation for close to a whole year.

The thing is: I feel like I haven't really made any progress sexually. Yes, I have been around girls all the time, made out, etc. And I only get semi-hard sometimes or erect (but lessens quickly). I am mentally ready to have sex and I know there a girls interested but I'm afraid I won't be able to sport an erection (so maybe not 100% mentally ready). But because I haven't noticed much to any progress in the 1,5-2 years I've been into this I feel like I might actually be irreversibly fucked up.

I know I was perfectly able to have an erection while kissing or even holding hands, thinking about sex, etc. Now however there is not much response at all.

I could really use some of your thoughts on this. I don't really know what to do. Thanks in advance.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I'm also almost never horny or have a morning wood (mw never actually). It's like me sexual response is just gone with the wind since PMO.

 

[kopp]

You are not horny because you rebooted for 400+ days so your brain got used to have no sexual stimulation

Now you're having a few, you are rewiring, just keep going

 

[Phase2]

I would take a small dose of Cialis for the first few times you have a sexual encounter. It sounds to me like you have anxiety about sex and could use a jumpstart to regain some confidence and transition back from such a long reboot. I do and it helps me a lot.

 

[itsdemmusic]

Yeah there could def be some sexual anxiety be mixed up in there. But it's really just induced because of the fact that I'm finding it harder and harder to keep up the hope that I'll ever heal again. I'll look into that Cialis stuff, but I'm only 17 (europian btw) so I'm not completely sure how to get my hands on it.

I feel like MO doesn't really help me because it's not rewiring me to any actual girls or intimacy. What are your thoughts about that?
And yeah I really do feel like those neurological pathways are just completely weakened to the point where it's just not responding anymore or something.

 

[sodonewithit]

Has a woman touched you?  It's one thing to masturbate but another to have a woman do it. At 17 I think alot of the women you will meet might be open to a conversation about all of this.  Lay it out, speak honestly and let her do the heavy lifting.  It's not broken but you need to relax and let nature happen.

 

[Pr3c1se]

You've not given too much background situation so it's hard to give you a good response.

How old are you?

How long have you been addicted to porn?  What frequency did you use it while addicted?

Have you ever successfully had sex before?

 

[kopp]

You need to find back your desire, your sexual energy. You have to look at women as potential sexual partners.

/!\POTENTIAL TRIGGER FOR REBOOTERS/!\
have a look at that:
http://www.authenticpua.com/blog/sexual-energy/

 

[Hack1234]

Agree with the Cialis or Viagra comment above, if for nothing it's added confidence... I would also talk to your girl, let her know you have anxiety around performance and ask for her patience... Tell her how special she is, how much this means to you, women eat that stuff up anyway then let things happen naturally.

 

[JG2690]

bro how's your health? do you have a good diet?
Maybe you just need to exercise a bit more and eat better.

 

[itsdemmusic]

@Pr3c1se I'm 17 years old. I have been PMO'ing for a solid 2 years I think, maybe more. Daily, two, three times or more in the end. It started out as just MO'ing to imagination or pictures and escalated from there. I haven't look at porn for a very long time and I don't feel really feel drawn to it anymore either. I know it's fake and there's no joy or enjoyment.

I have not had sex. However, lately I have had some sexual encounters without actual penetration. Where my erections, during said encounters, ranged from 0 till a good 85 percent, I think. Those weren't necessarily with what you would say love interests. But in my opinion there were forms of love involved, we had a good connection. They didn't really make any remark about my erections, but one of them was a threesome.

@JG2690 my diet is good, health as well, far as I know. I exercise weekly (1-3 times).

 

[sodonewithit]

So again buddy do these women touch you and do you react.  Hardcore porn use can wreck the pathways between normal sexual touch and the way to fix is simply reintroducing sexual touch.  I'd stick with what you are doing, calm down and enjoy the other person.  I'm 40, used porn longer than you have been alive and have been clean about 5 months yet I can only get a true erection when my wife touches me but it's a hell of a improvement from no reaction at all I was having.  Gabe, the guy who started this site, said it took a year for his recovery and I feel the same will be for me.  I don't know if this might be the case for you but I think that allowing these other people you are exploring with to trigger a orgasm for you would help.  Put on your A game and win. 

 

[Pr3c1se]

It sounds like you need to rewire to REAL girls now.  At 17 years old, you should be rock hard.  I would keep these random encounters with random girls a break for a little while,  stop all sexual stimulation PMO/MO/SEX any type of orgrasm, just to give your dick a little break.  Then find a girl you like and attempt to connect with her on a deeper level.  Sex is more than jsut physical, you're missing a solid 60% of the fun if all you're doing is wam bam thank you ma'am sex.  Flirting and foreplay are the MOST important aspects of sex.  Do these two things more, and you'll find yourself WAY more turned on by these woman you're encountering and you'll be able to get rock hard.

Once again, don't be afraid to TAKE A BREAK FROM ALL FORMS OF SEX.

Good luck to you

 

[itsdemmusic]

@sodonewithit yep they do/have touched me and to some touches I react and to others I really don't. For some reason I have gotten an erection from simply lying in bed holding hands before falling asleep, whereas kissing or making out doesn't necessarily get me anywhere. Also just the thought of sex doesn't really do much for me either. I sort of feel almost asexual most of the time even though I can still appreciate (female) beauty. So it sounds like a flatline but that would mean I have been flatlining for a solid year already...

@pr3c1se I know what you mean I think. Thing is I have already done hard mode for a year or longer and it doesn't seem to have made much difference, still no mw, random/spontaneous erections, excitement etc. The sexual encounters I've had definitely involved lots of flirtations and foreplay and sometimes it did cause some bloodflow most of the time it doesn't.

And I've been thinking about the viagra amd stuff but I can't really get my hands on that since it's pretty costly and I don't have that money lying around nor can I ask my parents to buy me some XD

I have done all the reading including Your Brain On Porn the book, so I have laid off other dopamine stimulating things as well (e.g. films, series, internet, sugar) but even that doesn't seem to help. Coming week I have an appointment scheduled with a sexuologist I'm curious what she'll advise me to do.

Thanks for all your suggestions and if you have other thoughts or findings please let me know!

 

[Pr3c1se]

Hm that's interesting.  Perhaps you have low T?  Maybe go to a doctors.

I would definitely tell your parents what is going on.  They have their insurance and can get you the proper help.

If you've been off porn for an entire year you should be further along than you are now.  Unless you'ev found a porn substitute and you've been abusing that because you think its not porn.

Take a look at your life, see if there are any potential porn substitutes that you have been abusing.  For example, online dating.

 

[itsdemmusic]

@pr3c1se, only thing I could think of would be Reddit, which I used to be on for /r/nofap but that subreddit imo has had it best days so I'm nowadays just using it out of boredom. Going to lay that off now. But it would be sort of weird if that did the trick, since I am not really abusing it as in spending huge amounts of time on it. Only if I'm using the restroom or lying on the couch XD

 

[itsdemmusic]

"The guys who start young on Internet porn also generally have more trouble responding sexually to real partners. This may be because they spent their adolescence wiring exclusively to videos, endless novelty and a voyeur's detached, visual perspective. Adolescence is a key window when mammalian brains are primed to adapt their mating behavior to arousing cues in the environment. Thereafter, brains begin to prune away unused circuitry?perhaps the very circuitry related to the pursuit of real partners, which would have been thoroughly developed in these guys' ancestors. (More on sexual conditioning.)"

- http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-recovery-and-mysterious-flatline

It's actually this that I'm afraid of. Could it be possible that I just lost the neurological connections wiring me to real women? I seem to lost pretty much all of my sexual appetite be it PMO or real sex/intimacy. I feel like I have, after a good 1,5 of not watching PMO'ing, I have also weakened those pathways and now there is just a void of asexuality. XD

Not long ago I have had semi-succesful intercourse, I was able to penetrate and ejeculate but I had trouble keeping up my erection. But it's not like I actively crave/long for sex now or anything. Also orgasm makes me feel sort of sick afterwards. Sore throat, dizzy feeling etc.

 

[sodonewithit]

I don't think you are screwed forever, evolution has hard wired you for women.  What is needed is a clear break from porn and all things related.  Don't look, cheat or tease at all but do get with more real ladies.  You are only 17, if you were 34 and had never been doing anything but porn it might be different but highly unlikely for yourself.  Best thing is to have more real contact, relax and have fun.

 

[clickshop1628]

I think it is all in your mind. Don't be so desperate to get it up. Go easy and ease the mental pressure on yourself. Just relax and enjoy the experience rather than be always so conscious of your penis's response. Letting it go might work.