"I can control the Zero. F*ck the Zero"

[jnv]

Thanks for your support!

Yeah the ups and downs aren't easy to handle.

Right now, I'm having a f*ing hard time concentrating/staying motivated. I've got my last law exam for this year on Friday. I took a day off today so that I can be ready for it... and it seems I just can't care about the exams. I'm f*ing wasting my time. I'm telling myself that I've passed all of the previous ones and that I just need a little more motivation since this one is the last one for this year but it doesn't change anything. I'm sure there are some chemical imbalance due to low dopamine affecting  BUT, I won't give in to porn!!

 

[jnv]

Day 32:

Having quite a hard time with the fantasy part these days since I'm dating a girl from my class next week. Even though I'm not touching my D', my mind kind of plays some plausible scenarii with her (nothing porn related though) and I find it much more difficult to stop fantasizing about this than to stop fantasizing about porn scenes.

It's time to be stronger and step up to the plate. I'm going to run and then take a cold shower cool things down a bit.

Have a nice first summer day everyone.

edit: I'm going through the hardest time at the moment. My body seems disconnected from my mind. I managed to stop fantasizing but I'm on a constant boner mode and I've now got blueballs... great. The temptation to fantasize or look at porn is not there. I don't even want to MO. I'm just physically horny.... * sigh*. This will pass....hopefully...

 

[jnv]

Day 33:

Despite the shitty day yesterday "bonerly" speaking, I managed to make it through it.
Did 1h of cardio again in the evening, took a cold shower, put ice cold water on my D. for some minutes and it did wonders. Blues balls gone, I was totally cooled down and could focus on other things.

 

[jnv]

Day 34:

I'm not going to lie, this week is a particularly tough one. The girl is texting saying that she's really looking forward to seeing me this week and as a result fantasizing/thoughts are running through my mind.

I'm fighting back though and holding up.

I can't falter now.

 

[fnatk]

I know how you feel dude, I've been texting with a girl too who wants to meet up. Fantasies start running amok, I've been edging a bit almost every morning the past 4-5 days and just been tempted to view more explicit material.

The only thing that's keeping me going is that I don't want to reset my counter, I don't want to set back my progress AGAIN. I don't want to go on another binge.

 

[jnv]

Hey fnatk.

In fact, I'm now realizing that all the boners and MW I've been getting the last 5 days were not random at all. These are the result of me dating her.

Temptations to MO are there as well. Watchin porn, not so much.

The reasons I'm not going to give in now are the same as yours.

1) My counter.
2) I'm dating this girl mainly THANKS TO the fact that I'm making progress regarding PMO and that I'm becoming a much better person overall and I can feel it. And giving in now would be a major setback in the process.

Honestly, I'd rather not see her and continue until 90 hard mode because it was so much easier controlling urges/cravings before this. Again this morning, I was feeling super and I wasn't thinking about sex at all. She texted me about the date. BOOM => Trigger and I edged a little bit thinking about her but I managed to stop doing so quite fast. I've really got to become stronger than this. That's pathetic.

Stay strong man.

 

[jnv]

Week 5:

Alright, next part of the episode...

After texting a bit with the girl again in the night, thoughts raided again against my mind and I became really horny. A bit later while surfind news channel, I came upon [TRIGGER] a bikini pic which in my excited state obsessed me. This one sufficed to put me on auto-pilot mode and I clicked. One thing leading to another, I ended up sarching for other bikini pics, and then for nudes and I started edging for some time.

I finally reached the point where I'd consider O and be done with it because, I could just start again the next day blablabla you all know very well all the shit your brain throws at you at that moment. I really was thinking I was done because this is how so many of my past streaks ended and I was already picturing me after I'd be done with it. I was trying to convince me with all I could come up with that what I was doing was really stupid. I was telling myself that I couldn't be that thrown off just because I'm having a date with a girl I like. This scenario is bound to happen again in the future and I must learn how to endure this pressure but no matter how many times I was repeating this to myself, I just didn't care but then this happened....

I slapped myself several times in the face (literally and quite hard) to wake me up and break the auto-pilot mode. I don't know how but it somehow worked. I was kind of back into reality and could make rational decisions again. It worked so well on the moment that I even consider doing it again next time I have cravings/urges that I can't control otherwise. I knew negative reinforcement could be effective in certain situations and had already used them in the past in others areas but I never considered using them to fight urges.

So here I am the next morning starting my 6th week. I can't hide the fact that I still have a bitter taste in my mouth after last night. On one hand I can see improvement thanks to finding a way to make me come back into reality but on the other hand, I see it as a major setback as well. I think I'll just take it for what it is: useful experience and information for the future. Now I'm going to have to face the real challenge which is the next days. I'll have to be very wary not to be tempted again in the days to come because I know it can come back again out of the blue. If I can fight back for the next 4-5 days, I think I should be okay afterwards...

I wish you all a nice day.

 

[DayByDay]

Hey Jnv!

So so happy to see you break the initial few days of the reboot and see your counter building and building! You are doing great! The way you were able to refrain from PMO last night shows how much progress you are making. You reconginised the danger and stopped yourself before anything irreversible happened.

 

[jnv]

Hey DayByDay, thanks for your support, that's greatly appreciated.

That's probably me being to hard on myself but I'm still weighing up the pros and cons of what happened.

Of course I'm relieved that I could prevent me from continuing and going all the way because as I'm writing this, I would probably be binging now and would have done so for the following 2-3 days feeling like shit. Instead, I feel kind of awesome right now as I'm about to working out and I'm really motivated about it.

The down side though is that I still released dopamine through the process which is what needs to be avoided at all cost...

In hindsight, this made me realise 2 important things:

1) I was too set in my ways during the reboot doing it "in my shell" not taking external interferences like dating/flirting into consideration. I'm pretty confident about the date tonight and whatever happens, I have to learn how to control myself regarding stress/sexual energy management and PMO.
2) I must adopt a zero tolerance regarding fantasy. Even though I do not fantasize about porn stuff, fantasizing about realistic scenarii is no ok at all since it exposes me to useless triggers and it voluntaliry puts me in danger.

So yeah, maybe this experience will be very beneficial to me and it's better that it happened now than 100+ days into the streak.

 

[jnv]

Well the date went very well and I had a wonderful time. It was the case for her as well since she sent me a SMS a bit later telling me she hadn't had such a wonderful time in a very long time and asking if I wouldn mind having an other drink some time. Of course there are many things which I want to improve as well but I'm satisfied for the time being.

The aftermaths of last night made me really excited and I can't really stop fantasizing and it's more and more about porn related stuff. Plus I'm edging too...so that's very similar to PMO. I can feel it somewhere in my mind like a seed waiting the right to come in maybe 1-2-3 days.  As a consequence I'll probably MO and be done with it asap, reset my counter and start with fresh bases working on controling my urges when in these conditions. I'll probably see her again several times in the next month so I'll have plenty opportunities to work on this.

 

[jnv]

Just a quick update to share with you guys what is probably the most awesome day in my life regarding achievements. I've received the results this morning and I'm among the 6 students (out of 60+) in my Law class to have been accepted in 2nd year. I can't even tell you how happy I am.

A year ago I decided to consistently fight porn and video games simultaneously to gain more confidence, more concentration, a better memory, a better attention span, a better self image, to do useful things with all that spare time and many more things... A year later, I've finally done it and for the first time in my life I feel like I can finally have the job of my dream and do something with my life. There are some years ahead of me but 2014-2015 will probably be the most important one. I still see so much room for improvement in many aspects in my life so the fight is far from being over.

Thanks a lot to YBOP and this awesome community!  ;D

 

[thailandexpress2112]

Congrats jnv! Your year of fighting video games and PMO has clearly paid off! It seems like quitting these addictions is the first step towards an upwards spiral to a better life.

Keep up the good work

 

[Wabbajack]

Congrats Your journal is a proof that no matter how bad things are, one can stay strong and fight all this You're an inspiration

 

[jnv]

Thanks a lot for your support guys!  ;D

The discovery of this website and forum probably is the best thing that could have happened in my life to make changes for the better and open my eyes. I met many interresting people and sharing experiences with you guys helped me a lot.

I think this will be my last entry in this journal. I've taken the opportunity to open an other one in the 30-39 section. HReaching my most important goal and turning 30 (no way!!), I think this is a good time to start the ROUND 2.

Seeing all that I could accomplish in that amount of time, I am more motivated than ever to keep fighting even stronger and harder to reach my true potential.

So have an awesome day and see you in your journals! 

My new journal: http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=5471.msg57733#msg57733

 

[pckk]

thnaks bro
?????ufabet

 

[LeanAndBop]

Congrats jnv. Thanks for your positive energy!

 

[pckcomeback]

OK bro  ;D

ufabet