Intimacy Anorexia

[Pacific Coast]

After years of porn use and a sex addiction progressing,  our marriage encountered Intimacy Anorexia.  While my husband is in recovery and we are doing better sexually, I am constantly worried that the most recent time will be our last.  While it has improved, it still lacks in consistancy and it is isolating and lonely.  I am tired of feeling like roomates. 

 

[Chaos Mind]

So you are saying that he is on recovery and your sexual intimacy has improved. Why are you feeling like "starving" just now as things are getting better? Shouldn't you feel the optimism for a brighter future now? Sorry if it seems naive to ask, it just seems I don't quite get your point.

 

[Pacific Coast]

Yes, I do feel optimistic at times, but after dealing with it for 8 years, I am conditioned to the cycle of highs and lows, where we are intimate on a vary rare occasion.  That is why I am always waiting for the good to end.  Also, it doesn't help that recovery isn't consistant either.  I would feel optimistic all the time if he made recovery a priority, all the time.

 

[Steam rolled]

Not sure if this applies but when the PMO was going our relationships got into a routine, No foreplay or intimacy AT ALL and in my case sex was every other night and then got less right before finding out about his selfish one man and a lens party going on behind my back daily.

Now that he has the addiction under control I'm pretty sure of .
All this attention and affection I now get doesn't seem normal.
I catch myself thinking is he with me now or off somewhere else and just filling a void- like before.
Those silent feeling sure doesn't make for a great time for me with those uncontrollable thoughts racing threw ones mind.

Its like the routine that went on for so long took over and now the NEW can be very confusing. and full of doubt.
I have beat myself emotionally so bad that my desire's have also weakened, though now Sex is every night i some how just go with the flow and now feel like sex with me maybe filling a void for him kinda like it has felt &  been for years as he PMO.

I feel like im never enough, but i know I AM! ( I hide the heart ache well )
And I'm sure you are to, we ALL are better than "THAT" lonely life. ( men included )
I just don't get it either.

I wish there was a way to make it stop also without having to runaway, still searching for a answer 14 months later.

Best wish!