Quick Introduction

[chromatic]

Hi Reboot Nation,
My name's Chrom and I just wanted to express my appreciation and acceptance into the community.

I'm late 20s, only had one partner who I've enjoyed having sex with for six years. We broke up on mutual grounds a few months ago and I've been looking forward to enjoying new people. I recently attempted to have sex for the first time with someone new, became hard on the date, stayed hard during oral and foreplay, them gradually lost my erection completely between putting on the condom. Tried four times that night with the same results. Lucky for me she was very cool and understanding.

I've since realised this happened with at least 3 girls I attempted to lose my virginity with in my teens, with no success. And actually happened through the first few weeks at the beginning if my 6 year relationship, which I inevitably must've gotten over. But I dread the possible scenario that I'll just always be this way the first few times with a new partner.

After frantically researching solutions I watched the 'Great Porn Challenge' TED talk and I'm sold. I'm going all in. I stopped watching porn on 9th May and although I know there's a long, tough road ahead I'm hoping it'll be worth it if it means ultimately redefining my attitudes and enhancing my sexual experiences. I've seen a couple if users suggest keeping a journal on here as a way of helping and I think I'll do exactly that.

Anyway helpful tips, advice or wisdom will be greatly appreciated.

Kindest regards,
Chrom

 

[monster_man]

It sounds to be like performance anxiety. I get the same thing. I was always strong and confident in my teens/early 20s. But since the first case of ED - it has got worse since I am always worried if it will happen, instead of just enjoying the moment. Not to mention the crazy porn I have been watching, which probably caused the ED in the first place.

Just keep going and meet new girls, that is what I am doing. If I get ED, no big deal. The worst thing to do is worry about it. This is what I'm trying to deal with right now.

Best of luck.

 

[turbodiesel]

Worst part about it is, even once the ED is subsiding, the performance anxiety remains, and you must overcome that as well. That is what im currently going through, can get it up everytime with a girl im familiar and comfortable with because I know if it doesnt happen, itll be no big deal. With someone new, however,  who might not be so understanding, i cant think about anything except "will i get it up?" which ensures difficulty.

 

[chromatic]

Cheers boys, both really good points. And I think that's something which is actually adding to the problem right now, this seems to be an automatic process whenever I'm with someone new. I'm a cool, confident, relaxed person in myself a majority of the time. I'm not too sure how much 'hard work' I can put into fixing it since as far as I can see it's entirely subconscious. When I'm with a girl I'm excited, I'm ready and aroused. Then as soon as the moment comes to penetrate I go soft pretty quick. It'd be different if I couldn't get it out of my head like "This is great, I got hard and I'm staying hard, please don't go limp, please don't go limp". That would inevitably cause me to go limp. But in the moment I'm so ready and comfortable that when/if it does happen I'm just thinking "What the f... - ah, this thing again".

Always the first few times with someone new. After breaking up with my girlfriend of six years I was really looking forward to getting out there and playing with a whole bunch of different, fun people. This is really putting the damp on that.

 

[Viper]

I'm gonna give it to ya' straight;
This is a tough thing to go through when you're single.
You're out dating and if there is one thing a gal looks forward to in the process
is to see if you're a good kisser.
Then, it's to see what you're like as a lover. And first impressions do matter so
although we all want attention from the ladies, you are taking a chance if you start
seeing one and the time comes to perform.
Us men have so much pride and we think when giving the chance, we will be the
one to rock her world. If you're not hard enough to penetrate that I would focus
on your reboot. I was there brutha'
It's well documented but it gets better with patience and diligence.