My 100 days to a better life

[johnbenben]

Hello, Guys. First I would like to apologize for my English as it is not my native language, but there is no such forum that would be active in my country. So sorry for grammatical and stylistic mistakes I'll make, but I start to think this is the only way to change my life to the other direction that I could be proud off. Problem with masturbation and porn started when I was 10 or 12 years old. Now when I remember at first it looked like normal and decent behavior of young teenage boy, but somehow I've started to get involved more and more with this bad habit. Now I understand that many anxious hours at school, lack of confidence in many situations was escalated because of it. At the age of 17-18 it became an addiction and real problem. With better internet speed and my abilities to find many things online without any limitations this habit became pretty much daily activity. Even when I had a girlfriend it has not stopped. Now I'm 25 years old. Had to stop my studies 3 times because of anxiety problems. To regain confidence when socializing or to kill anxiety I use too much alcohol. Even tried to use antidepressants, but it just helped to hide effects of this problem but did not solve the problem itself. Had couple of long term relationships with bad ending. Tried to stop many times, but it goes only up to week or two and then starts again. I never told anyone about this and I think this is the worst part. You are trying to hide it and always feeling ashamed of your actions and it starts to escalate to the mountain heights. In next 100 days I will try to change my habits and even quit smoking/drinking and also eat healthier but the main problem is PMO and I'm declaring a war to it. I only can imagine how hard it will get from time to time, so I hope you will help me to overcome it. Really happy to be here. Hopefully we will all break free from this unwanted position together!

 

[xtremeb]

Some tips:

1. Get educated YBOP start reading articles or FAQ ( you must exactly know why you want stop ! Learn about this addiction more !
2. Read success stories
3. Change enviroment ( put your pc near people, on internet only if you are surrounded with people)
4. Sleep (8h its fine, but we are all different)
5. Forgive yourself and forgive others people !
6. Pray if you believe, pray to god ( or universe, mother earth, whatever)
7. Lead Food, Exercise note
8. Exercise ! This is huge ! If you want control your body exercising is the best way !
9. Cold showers
10. Occupy your mind (You have to be constantly employed)
11. Set objectives ( clean 90 days, read more etc...)
12. Write every day your thoughts, or simply take paper and pen sit down and write anything you can think of)
13. Walk walk walk
14. Set your life dream
15. Meditate
16. serve, help others

For me is better set small goals and pursuit them. First 2 then 4,8 etc.

You must win today no tomorrow or next week ! Go day by day !

Check this webiste:

http://www.howtostopmasturbation.com

One motivation post:

What are you doing with yourself? You keep telling yourself this will be the last time. Who are you kidding, you know it isn't true. Stop fucking lying to yourself. Make the last time, the last time. Do you want to look back at yourself and be ashamed of who you were. Or worse, do you want to be that same person? Stop saying you will, just one more time. Make the last time, the last time. Life is passing you by and what are you doing about it? Sitting around whining, looking at everyone around you doing so well and becoming successful. What do you do about that? Nothing. The same thing over and over again. It's a bullshit sob story. You feel bad for yourself and envy others. Why don't you do something about it? Are they better than you? You can do the same fucking thing as everyone else. You can be better than that! Just make the last time, the last time.

I know this is too much information, each reboot is specific. Good Luck !

 

[johnbenben]

Thanks! I really appreciate your help, and information was surely useful. I have a bit knowledge about this situation and always try to read more about it. I've even forgiven myself and kind of made a peace with it. I have a days sometime when I'm very busy and for few days don't do nothing. Mostly stressful situations trigger me. Spending time in bed also one of the biggest nemesis. I've already signed up for a gym, trying to do daily exercise at home and go for a quick jog. Also had an idea to leave my laptop at work, but that will not solve anything, because I could simply grab my flatmate's computer if he is not home. Already change my goal to 10 days. Will write my daily thoughts here. Now I will try to find out more about meditation (always wanted to try). Will do some changes on 3, 10, 13, 16. I know that morning and going to bed is the most critical time of the day and for first couple of days I will be motivated to avoid porn, but really afraid of day 3, 4 and later when hormones will start to kick in and I will go back to daily routine.

 

[xtremeb]

but really afraid of day 3, 4 and later when hormones will start to kick in and I will go back to daily routine.

You have to be brave ! Feel the pain, Overcome it and you'll be free !

 

[jnv]

You can do it. Getting educated through YBOP helps A LOT, I discovered the website last week and I've leterally eaten all of the main articles and many positive and successful testimonies.

 

[David25]

Welcome John!

I see you just finished your first day! Keep on going i almost finished 3 days.

We seem to have a lot in common i have a mild form of anxiety as well. Mainly due to PMO i've used alcohol as well basically experimented with it too feel more confident. Trust me buddy it won't work! The only way to overcome anxiety and to feel more confident is by doing things and meeting people google amygdala/anxiety it's behavior that can be unlearned. I basically learnt about PMO through an article by Dr Oz.

I first thought it was due to excessive alcohol then trying to have sex. But even without drinking i had issues like you and the guys on this forum.

I get rock hard erections when i watch porn like the others.

I also started watching porn around 11-12 and i used to masturbate excessively also delaying orgasms for hours.

I too declared war on my porn addiction and i am sure we will feel much better after 3 months.

Dont feel discouraged if you need longer than 3 months some people need 9 months or more.

It's gonna be tough but it's worth it!

Mayby we can share some experiences throughout our detoxification and rebooting.

I am from Amsterdam!

Your brother in rebooting,

David

 

[johnbenben]

David, jnv, xtremeb thanks for your support. It makes so much difference when you can share this with other people who can really understand. First day was long, very productive and quite easy to manage, but I understand that most challenging part is still in the future. However my motivation and thoughts that I could finally get over myself is really helping. And this is because of your help and support! Thanks guys! Now quick workout, cold shower and going straight to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day!

 

[David25]

You're welcome we are all on the same boat. We don't want the cyberish unrealistic stimulation of porn. We want the real thing with real women. This is if you ask me our strongest motivation.

I am sure most of the side effects of porn will diminish throughout the process.

Boredom,loneliness,fatigue,anxiety etc.

I can't wait till i've reached my goal of 90 days no PMO.

And i hope the same for you and the others as well.

I've downloaded a porn filter, and started to work out more often. Just keep yourself busy!

You are not alone in this!

 

[johnbenben]

Long ass day, got really depressed at the end, but still can manage my desire. By the way just wanted to ask: What about sex in this period? It is forbidden too and I should avoid any sexual activity, or it is all right?

 

[David25]

I would say avoid sex and masturbation in particular.

Try to focus on other things like going to the gym or learning a new language.

Check out Elliot Hulse's youtube channel i don't agree with some of his material but he has some good motivational videos on self esteem, anxiety, confidence and working out.

 

[johnbenben]

New day. Minds sometimes occupy me, but I could live with that. All girls became prettier I have a lot of energy, maybe sometimes even too much. I have a lot of stress at work, but it is pretty easy to manage. Now going to the gym, and then have so much things to do. I'm starting my own business. Worked on this for a last 4 months, (to be honest I worked on this for a last couple of years) and I know that only way to proceed is to get over this addiction, because it always gets in the way when you need to be most self confident and make the right decision. Now I can feel that I'm ready.

 

[johnbenben]

Okay. Now literally it became unbearable burden. Yesterday I went out with my friends to the pub and had pretty fun time, but came back  home alone (had chance to bring girl home, but simply lost it). Now all morning all I can think off is sex, P, M and everything else. It looks like my head will blow up in a few seconds. Also I cannot sleep because it is too hot. I should go out or else I might fuck this thing up. I hope you are having better day, guys...

 

[miomio]

Go outside and don't fuck this shit up. You're going to get over it!

One great way of dealing with bad days is actually feeling every moment. When you're doing great, take a second and try to sense your body and mind. What are you feeling right now? What's going through your head, what makes this moment so special?

The next time you're having a bad moment, tell yourself that this reboot is a cycle and motivate yourself by knowing that these great moments will return!

 

[johnbenben]

Thanks miomio. That really helped. Watched couple of motivation movies, walked around a neighborhood. Now feeling better. Still keeping up.

 

[johnbenben]

Still holding on!

 

[johnbenben]

Today I'm fucking shaking from all the hormones and testosterone when I see beautiful girls on the street. I don't want to watch P anymore. It's been like this for a couple days now. I just want to make sweet sweet love with one of the girls. one day left to my goal, but now it looks that what only I need is sex, and porn is not even looking interesting. Shit, maybe someone had same experience? Please consult me on this...

Oh. By the way, I have one more problem. I cannot work appropriately and pay attention. I have too much energy but also I'm feeling tired and without motivation, cannot concentrate on my tasks...

 

[jnv]

Hey there. keep up the good work, you are close to your goal. I'm starting in week 3 now and I'm feeling exactly the same about attention/energy/motivation. I surely feel MUCH more energic than I was before starting all this BUT I can't make benefit from this energy burst. My motivation/tiredness level is inversely proportional to that of my energy...its hard to explain I'm feeling better in general but at the same time tired and don't want to do anything. I do see some changes though, at day 10, I just felt like sh*t, energyless, no motivation at all and had some headaches. Today, headaches are over and I can feel that my motivation is slowly recovering.
Concerning, I wouldn't say I'm at the point where I think the only thing I need is having sex. Even though I'm going hardmode at the moment, I know I would enjoy watching porn if I did, but I just do not let myself into it.
At the moment (I don't have any goal in term of days, just the maximum possible), I'm combining nofap with sport I'm just focussing on my main goal which is feeling great (the superpowers eveybody talks about) and being in the best shape of my life (body) and I think I'll focus on getting laid much later in the whole process.

 

[johnbenben]

Actually I've lost it last night. Was little bit drunk and tired of fighting. Not feeling bad about it, but not feeling better. Making now new Goal, 20 days. And I guess big problem for me is alcohol. Not because I'm using it frequently, but when I use it there is always too much. I would rather became abstinent.  That is much harder to achieve, especially when all my friends are party animals.

 

[miomio]

Yes, alcohol is definitely a problem. I am not able to become completely abstinent at the moment, but my consumption has dramatically decreased. I know it's hard to explain to your friends, but you may want to try not to drink one night. Another option is to consciously take it very slow. Eventually, the majority of people around you will be drunk (enough) and not notice that you may be tipsy but not on their level.

If you come home later, your feeling of loneliness might still occur, but you're much stronger to deal with it. Alcohol will not have completely messed you up and you will be able to keep with the fight!

 

[johnbenben]

Great advice miomio. Thanks. I'm not going to stop trying to achieve what I want to achieve and I will overcome all issues on my way to the greatness. This forum is really helping me to observe what I want to do in my life from another perspective and it's giving a lot of motivation. Thanks guys.