Here goes everything...

PIED64

PIED64

Member
Latest update, I no longer find myself counting days and it seems normal to not look at P or to MO.  Waiting (impatiently) for MW and nocturnal erections to make their way back into my life.  Still having some issues with DE or No E as of the last encounter with my wife.  Hoping this passes soon, but not dwelling on it too much.  Erectile quality improving with still a long way to go.  I have had a few moments recently where I started to think about P and P subs again, but I move those thoughts along with more positive thoughts about the improvement in my relationship with my spouse.  So glad she is on my side in this battle!  Onward and upward!

PMO is not an option!
 
PIED64

PIED64

Member
Wow. 30 days behind me and my first goal reached!  Updating my goal on the counter to 60.  Onward and upward!

PMO is not an option!
 
R

RewiringRecovering

Guest
Hey PIED64

Your journal is inspiring. I am on Day 6 but knowing that you have reached the 30 day milestone and smashed it gives me hope. You have charted yours highs and lows and I know I have them to come but that's okay. Us addicts have always caved at the first sign of discomfort. I'm lucky in that I am able to take the next 90 days out. I am self-employed and have an amount of savings which will keep me going through this. I don't want anything to derail my progress while I go through the initial pains of withdrawing from PMO. Keep up the quit and I'll surely be back to check out your insights and progress. Thanks.
 
PIED64

PIED64

Member
Today marks 5 weeks on this journey so far.  There have been ups and downs, but no stumbles thus far.  I have found that I have to be careful with some things that may seem informative, but begin to trigger thoughts.

***Potential trigger alert***  skip this paragraph if you are concerned about avoiding potential triggers.
I saw mention in another journal about thepinkcross, a website where former pornstars speak out about the horrible negative aspects of the industry and their personal experiences.  While I believe that there is good information there, I found a former favorite of mine and started to remember images of her.  I will be steering clear of this site for the foreseeable future, perhaps for good.
***End of alert***

It has been a tough yet remarkable journey so far.  I am striving for my next major goal of 60 days.  The mental clarity that I have seen in this short time is nothing short of amazing.  I am still awaiting the return of my old friends, MW and NE.  I try not to dwell on it since I know that it is part of the process to have to wait for these to return as the brain continues to recover and rewire.

I want to thank you all.  I have gathered strength, helpful information, guidance, and feeling of acceptance through reading your journals and through comments you may have left on my journal.

Onward and upward!
 
unchained

unchained

Active Member
PIED64 said:
I am still awaiting the return of my old friends, MW and NE.  I try not to dwell on it since I know that it is part of the process to have to wait for these to return as the brain continues to recover and rewire.
Click to expand...

A quick note regarding my personal experiences with MW and such.  I wouldn't worry too much whether you get them daily, occasionally or at all.  For me, they come and go.  I'll awake several days in a row with MW, and then I may go several without.  I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and have an erection but won't have one when I wake up in the morning.  Some days I wake up and it feels full but not hard...kind of like it was hard a few minutes ago but is going down.  My guess is that the erections come and go all throughout the night as we move in and out of the various sleep cycles that repeat over and over.  You may very well be getting night time erections but just waking naturally at a time when it has subsided.  For that reason I would try not to over think it.

I also wouldn't worry about spontaneous erections.  My guess is that the sexual cues a 40+ 50+ guy responds to are naturally less sensitive than a teenager.  As an older guy, your brain better knows when the time is right based on experience and understating when it needs to respond.  If you are able to get and maintain an erection when the time is right, then you are moving in the right direction.  That's the only time it really matters anyway.  For me, I want 100% success with the wife when the time is right...any others are an inconvenience at best and a distraction at the least.  I can still remember having a hard-on that lasted the entire school day in 8th grade and would really rather not have to suffer through that again, lol.
 
PIED64

PIED64

Member
Thank you bob and unchained!

You are absolutely right unchained, I need to remember this.

unchained said:
If you are able to get and maintain an erection when the time is right, then you are moving in the right direction.  That's the only time it really matters anyway.
Click to expand...
 
PIED64

PIED64

Member
Hey guys, still going strong here!  I just wanted to say again how helpful it is to read the journals of others on this site.  I recently came across this nugget in Bob's journal.  There is a link below to an excellent albeit lengthy topic on another forum.  To me the information and true goals we should have around this rebooting process are spot on.

bob said:
Hi folks,

Last night I read the following link. I felt like it held a great deal of wisdom regarding this reboot process.

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0[/url]

A couple of the points were as follows. Please forgive the paraphrasing of this link...
  • Don't deall with the P, put your energy in being a new you.
  • Don't dwell on your counter, dwell on your progress. Use of a spreadsheet may give a better picture. If one has cut down on PMO then that's success! If you relapse, its not "start over." Its just part of the process. Realize you want to change and get back to it. A counter may make you feel like you are starting all over again
  • Post positive, don't give this thing the power of a negative post. Anything that includes shame gives power to PMO, (I want to make sure to differentiate between shame and guilt. Shame is "I'm stupid. I have relapsed." Guilt is "I relapsed. I don't feel good about it but it doesn't make me any less of a person.)

Because of this link, I am going to change the way I approach the reboot process. I will be removing my current counters and replace it with a counter measuring the time from my last PMO. This was my main goal, one in which I have had success.
Click to expand...

I will be modifying my counter to be a counter measuring the time from my last PMO, as this is the real goal.  I will continue my commitment to avoid P subs and MO as well, but I haven't had any slips here thus far either.  I want to maintain focus on the true goal, no PMO.

Thanks again for all of the support so far!

Onward and Upward!
 
sodonewithit

sodonewithit

Active Member
I first read that thread in another posters success thread and found it full of clarity which I have used to continue onward.  This isn't so much about not fapping as it is a lifestyle.  Keeping a open mind to success works, glad to see you found that page.
 
Kurall_Creator

Kurall_Creator

Active Member
I really love the mental clarity I have now.

I've been to college before, so I know the difference between now and then. During a lecture, I can write notes while listening to the teacher. When I was last there, that was almost impossible. I can do both now!
 
PIED64

PIED64

Member
Just popping in for a quick update.  Things are continuing to go well.  As time passes I can feel the resolve getting stronger and stronger.
Who knew, it was in me all along!  The tipping point for me was when I learned what this was doing to my brain and I realized it as what it is, a full blown addiction like any other addiction.  I am so thankful for the wealth of information that has been made available to us here and on other great sites.

Again I want to thank you all for the words of encouragement and the things you have shared in your own journals.  It makes us all stronger.

Onward and Upward!
 
hopeful

hopeful

Member
Congratulations, this is good news.
There are really no secrets in our brains. We just have to understand and use them.
Glad to read you're having succes with this.
 
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