So I got myself into heated argument with husband about porn. I don't think he gets it. He told me he doesn't watch it because it hurts me. He is going to leave us for a year due to his job next year and he said he might watch porn because he has his urges. I am not gonna lie I got really mad because it makes me angry how stupid he is about his porn addiction. It makes me feel like I am just wasting my time in this marriage. I know lost of people on this forum who successfully completed their reboots. I just don't understand how a guy who didn't see any porn movie for over 100 days suddenly says shit like that? There is a lot of things that bothers me about this, it seems like people who go through reboot are changing and he is just one angry dickhead. Seems like some men are loving towards their spouses or girlfriends and in my marriage everything goes to shit. We can't talk about porn because he just doesn't know what to say or gets angry. We did good for first few months but now I feel like 2 strangers living in the house. Not to mention that our sex is so shitty for about 6 months now and it seems like it only last like 5 minutes. Perhaps, I am might be more needy but we never done foreplay because he doesn't know how to do it. I was hoping that after year everything c will change and he will get better but it seems like everything goes wrong lately. Any advice how to stop myself going crazy and fixing our marriage?
he said what?
- Thread starter SickOfIt
- Start date
sodonewithit
Active Member
Let me mention a few things:
Firstly foreplay is hard, scary and tough if you don't know what to do. That said he should be progressing to more passionate actions. I've found it really hard to break back into that preson I once was but time is helping, it should be the same for him.
I can't last worth anything now. It sucks because I would love to be a machine and play to super stud but unless you are having sex alot it's hard to build up that stamina.
This all said I'm calling bullshit to his reboot. While I crave porn nearly daily I, and every other guy who is serious here, CRAVE being a man again. There is no going back now, ever. While not telling to much it's only now that I have been able to come close to being more alive, it's been hard as hell to get here. Go back to porn and jerking off again....I laugh at the thought. .
I can't say for sure that he is clean or dirty and I don't care but I can say that I have talked to two god friends who both nearly cried when I told them my change and I'm not done.
I'm sorry to read your story again, I just don't believe anyone would go back if a real relationship exists.
Sorry again, it's not fair or nice to say this. I wish I was a bigger failure so my words were different but I can't because I know better.
Firstly foreplay is hard, scary and tough if you don't know what to do. That said he should be progressing to more passionate actions. I've found it really hard to break back into that preson I once was but time is helping, it should be the same for him.
I can't last worth anything now. It sucks because I would love to be a machine and play to super stud but unless you are having sex alot it's hard to build up that stamina.
This all said I'm calling bullshit to his reboot. While I crave porn nearly daily I, and every other guy who is serious here, CRAVE being a man again. There is no going back now, ever. While not telling to much it's only now that I have been able to come close to being more alive, it's been hard as hell to get here. Go back to porn and jerking off again....I laugh at the thought. .
I can't say for sure that he is clean or dirty and I don't care but I can say that I have talked to two god friends who both nearly cried when I told them my change and I'm not done.
I'm sorry to read your story again, I just don't believe anyone would go back if a real relationship exists.
Sorry again, it's not fair or nice to say this. I wish I was a bigger failure so my words were different but I can't because I know better.
hoopvol
Active Member
Oh SickOfit,
Are you sure, he's really serious in his reboot attempt? I can't understand, that any rebooter, who stayed clean so long, could say that he will watch P again in the future. The whole reboot process will be undone. It's like hearing an "ex-alcoholic" say, he'll have a whiskey next week just because he might get thirsty and he already knows his favorite soda won't be available.
Maybe you two will have to find another way to fulfill his urges. But I understand, it's almost impossible for you to talk to him about this.... That's a real shame. Talking was the basis of our recovery proces. And in the proces, our love-live started to improve as well.
I don't know what to say anymore, I'm so sorry for you!
Please keep strong, take care of yourself and keep us posted..
Are you sure, he's really serious in his reboot attempt? I can't understand, that any rebooter, who stayed clean so long, could say that he will watch P again in the future. The whole reboot process will be undone. It's like hearing an "ex-alcoholic" say, he'll have a whiskey next week just because he might get thirsty and he already knows his favorite soda won't be available.
Maybe you two will have to find another way to fulfill his urges. But I understand, it's almost impossible for you to talk to him about this.... That's a real shame. Talking was the basis of our recovery proces. And in the proces, our love-live started to improve as well.
I don't know what to say anymore, I'm so sorry for you!
Please keep strong, take care of yourself and keep us posted..
Hello everyone,
I am still in a shock what he said. He will be leaving soon for vegas and I will see how he will be there. I am more than upset about what he said. I decided to not take any action because I do not know if he is actually rebooting. Let's just say that I am giving him another chance or perhaps wanted to see where is he now with his rebooting. I honestly doubt if I ever will be able to fulfill his sexual needs because he doesn't really talk about it. Meaning he watched porn before he even had sex with a girl so I truly believe that any of his fantasies are linked to porn. I am right now trying to do my research how to help him. I noticed that he changed a lot when he came back from his 6 months being away from us. First of all he was a really loving person but now I have a grumpy old fart at home. Anyway I really appreciate any advices and responses.
I am still in a shock what he said. He will be leaving soon for vegas and I will see how he will be there. I am more than upset about what he said. I decided to not take any action because I do not know if he is actually rebooting. Let's just say that I am giving him another chance or perhaps wanted to see where is he now with his rebooting. I honestly doubt if I ever will be able to fulfill his sexual needs because he doesn't really talk about it. Meaning he watched porn before he even had sex with a girl so I truly believe that any of his fantasies are linked to porn. I am right now trying to do my research how to help him. I noticed that he changed a lot when he came back from his 6 months being away from us. First of all he was a really loving person but now I have a grumpy old fart at home. Anyway I really appreciate any advices and responses.
This is all just my opinion and I am often wrong. Maybe I shouldn't say anything but you are asking and this throws up all kinds of red flags. He might have just said that out of anger or frustration because he is tired of going over it again (not that he is justified, just thinking of a reason why he might have said it). I agree with the others though, and based on all your posts it don't sound like he is staying sober (but I could be wrong). Most all of us here had to scrape and claw our way 100 days, let alone a year. Withdrawals are intense, none of us are going through that again by choice, plus we are all very proud of even the little bit of time we have. I don't care how well you check on him, there are always ways to get it. And if he is in tech then forget it, I can get around any blocker in a few minutes and leave no trace. I guess it's possible he was not that deep into it before and was able to quit easily so he is not concerned about starting up again. Back in the day I would have just kept my mouth shut, gone to vegas and done whatever I wanted, so at least he is not lying about that part of it. But then again, that could be a small truth offered up to distract you from the big lie - that he is currently acting out. Now that sounds just like me.
As far as Vegas, I personally will not go there alone, way way to much temptation. I have actually turned down trips. I will have to be free of this addiction for several years before I will trust myself there alone, and even then I will probably be nervous. Maybe that's just me and I am way off base.
As far as Vegas, I personally will not go there alone, way way to much temptation. I have actually turned down trips. I will have to be free of this addiction for several years before I will trust myself there alone, and even then I will probably be nervous. Maybe that's just me and I am way off base.