Reset, time to be accountable

[Mbg]

I had to reset my counter yesterday and even today I've had powerful urges to continue down the path of addiction.  My saving grace today was the serenity prayer.  It's easy for me to throw up my hands and surrender to my addiction.  To be honest, acting out in my addiction really just seems desirable.  The rush, the high, the sensation, all of it just gives me instant satisfaction.  So why stop?  Well the amount of time I spend in fantasy is time I'll never get back.  Time I have spent in sexual thought could have been spent on reaching out to others or doing something healthy for myself.  I've run from uncomfortable feelings by using porn and all it has done has exasperated my problems.  I become more isolated and hopeless.  I know my addiction will ruin my life and I know there is hope.  My struggle is that my inner addict doesn't want that solution.  A life without porn and masturbation seems an impossible one.  But if I continue to strive for that seemingly impossible life I am making progress.  I thank everyone on this forum for being part of my progress.