I'm a 32 year old guy, who has been married for about 6 years. I had my porn addition since 2002, but didn't care much to cure it. Actually I didn't even bother to acknowledge it as a problem. I tried quitting once in 2014, but I was not serious enough, and I was able to convince myself that it's not a problem and "everybody does it." So, I resumed doing it after a month or so. This time I'm trying to make some real changes in my life, and become a better human being, for myself and my family. I'm doing some reading, some thinking and none of PMO. The last time I masturbated was on 14th July 2015. I'm not counting days, but instead trying to make some real changes in my life. My goal is overall improvement of wellbeing focused on outlook towards women, concentration, time-management, stress management, and to have a more fulfilling life. I'm looking for an accountability partner who is motivated and has similar sort of goal. I will be available to support you in tough times, and would love to receive the same when I really need it.
It was early June when my wife saw me masturbating while lying in the bathtub. I had been doing it for a while. Sometimes I would get into the bathtub and switch on the fan in the bathroom so that she doesn't hear anything, and do it while watching a porn in my phone. That day I forgot to shut the door and she came there after she called me couple of times from the other room and when I didn't respond. I didn't even notice when she came there and when she went back to our bedroom. She didn't say a single word at that time, but her behavior changed and couple of days later she confronted me and I confessed. She had seen me doing it back in 2010 once when were were staying in different cities due to our jobs and I forgot to turn off the webcam after chatting with her. I was able to convince her that it was an effect of staying single for a while and I would never do it again. I don't remember if I tried to stop at that time, but even if I did, it would have been for a short while. It had become such a strongly associated habit that it was hard to quit. I would tell myself that my work is quite stressful, and it's a release mechanism. Every morning I would get into the restroom in the morning, and sit there watching porn in my phone. It was almost like my morning ritual. We would still have sex 2 - 3 times a week, but I was losing interest in enjoying the romance. It was so easy to just get into the restroom and cum quickly watching a porn that I started enjoying that more. My wife gradually became less and less important in my life. I was not able to stop doing it and time just passed by. As time went by, I also needed more kick from the porn that I watched. Initially I would just watch boy-girl porn and gradually I started watching only threesomes (GBG). I would look for the video that I find exciting and would waste lot of time (15-20 minutes every alternate day). I also lost interest in having sex and feeling close with my wife and would live in the fantasy world most of the time.
It continued until this June when she caught me in the bathtub, and recommended that we should see a therapist. I refrained from doing it for a while and then on 14th July I slipped once again. On the same day my wife reiterated that we should talk to a therapist to figure it out. I confessed to my wife couple of days later after realizing that I cannot stop myself and things are out of control. She was trying to understand the situation and was confused how we can handle the situation. Finally we met a marriage councilor on August 11th, and she clearly said that I was having an affair with pornography. She suggested reading couple of books and I realized that I match the traits of a sex addict and would definitely need help.
There are certain other traits that I have in me are also what disgust my wife and also myself. I would ogle at women often. My eyes would just stare at the cleavage until I realize that in another couple of seconds and move the gaze. The worst part probably is to look at women as body parts and every time I would feel bad after doing that. Since I started reading the book "breaking the cycle" I'm proactively avoiding staring at cleavages. Whenever I'm about to do that I'd talk to myself and avoid doing that. However, it still happened handful of times in last couple of weeks. My wife is aware of my situation and though she's trying to be supportive, she is very much pissed about it.
I have realized that I was in a path to self-destruction, and I have been trying to ameliorate the quality of my overall life and well being. I have started spending some time meditating in the morning, still not every morning, but at least 3 days a week. I read "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari", and am trying to incorporate some life lessons in mine as well. The changes won't come in a day, but I'm confident that I would be able to free myself from the shackles of this filthy addiction, and have a healthy and happy life with my wife. Just to make it clear, I'm doing it primarily for myself, to become a better human being. I would love to have an accountability partner who's motivated to regain balance in life.
It was early June when my wife saw me masturbating while lying in the bathtub. I had been doing it for a while. Sometimes I would get into the bathtub and switch on the fan in the bathroom so that she doesn't hear anything, and do it while watching a porn in my phone. That day I forgot to shut the door and she came there after she called me couple of times from the other room and when I didn't respond. I didn't even notice when she came there and when she went back to our bedroom. She didn't say a single word at that time, but her behavior changed and couple of days later she confronted me and I confessed. She had seen me doing it back in 2010 once when were were staying in different cities due to our jobs and I forgot to turn off the webcam after chatting with her. I was able to convince her that it was an effect of staying single for a while and I would never do it again. I don't remember if I tried to stop at that time, but even if I did, it would have been for a short while. It had become such a strongly associated habit that it was hard to quit. I would tell myself that my work is quite stressful, and it's a release mechanism. Every morning I would get into the restroom in the morning, and sit there watching porn in my phone. It was almost like my morning ritual. We would still have sex 2 - 3 times a week, but I was losing interest in enjoying the romance. It was so easy to just get into the restroom and cum quickly watching a porn that I started enjoying that more. My wife gradually became less and less important in my life. I was not able to stop doing it and time just passed by. As time went by, I also needed more kick from the porn that I watched. Initially I would just watch boy-girl porn and gradually I started watching only threesomes (GBG). I would look for the video that I find exciting and would waste lot of time (15-20 minutes every alternate day). I also lost interest in having sex and feeling close with my wife and would live in the fantasy world most of the time.
It continued until this June when she caught me in the bathtub, and recommended that we should see a therapist. I refrained from doing it for a while and then on 14th July I slipped once again. On the same day my wife reiterated that we should talk to a therapist to figure it out. I confessed to my wife couple of days later after realizing that I cannot stop myself and things are out of control. She was trying to understand the situation and was confused how we can handle the situation. Finally we met a marriage councilor on August 11th, and she clearly said that I was having an affair with pornography. She suggested reading couple of books and I realized that I match the traits of a sex addict and would definitely need help.
There are certain other traits that I have in me are also what disgust my wife and also myself. I would ogle at women often. My eyes would just stare at the cleavage until I realize that in another couple of seconds and move the gaze. The worst part probably is to look at women as body parts and every time I would feel bad after doing that. Since I started reading the book "breaking the cycle" I'm proactively avoiding staring at cleavages. Whenever I'm about to do that I'd talk to myself and avoid doing that. However, it still happened handful of times in last couple of weeks. My wife is aware of my situation and though she's trying to be supportive, she is very much pissed about it.
I have realized that I was in a path to self-destruction, and I have been trying to ameliorate the quality of my overall life and well being. I have started spending some time meditating in the morning, still not every morning, but at least 3 days a week. I read "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari", and am trying to incorporate some life lessons in mine as well. The changes won't come in a day, but I'm confident that I would be able to free myself from the shackles of this filthy addiction, and have a healthy and happy life with my wife. Just to make it clear, I'm doing it primarily for myself, to become a better human being. I would love to have an accountability partner who's motivated to regain balance in life.