TobyTob
Active Member
Alrighty, so I've been watching porn since I was about 11. I didn't realize I had a problem until about 9th grade when I was experimenting with my girlfriend and I just couldn't get it up, which is real kick to my masculinity. I actually discovered Reboot Nation through reddit (thank God for reddit). After hearing everything that Gabe was saying, I just resonated so hard with everything he had to say. I still get spontaneous erections and morning wood, that's not really a problem. For me it's that I have porn induced ED, which scares the shit out of me. I'm doing this reboot for the sake of my future. I want a healthy marriage and I don't want porn coming between me and my partner. Also I'm a Christian, so there's that moral aspect as well. I remember when I first started watching porn I pretty much started off with lesbian porn...like why not? Two girls is better than one right? Anyway, over time I started to watch more and more. Eventually my dad became suspicious and installed a porn blocking application on the computer. This didn't solve anything actually as I had my mobile device. For years, from middle school all the way up through high school, I would watch porn on my mobile device, and watch porn and masturbate at least once a day everyday. I became aware of my problem like I said after the issue with my girlfriend. I would try to stop, and I did all kinds of research on neural plasticity, so I was fairly educated in the subject. I actually told my parents about it, and they basically just told me, "Give it to God and all is going to work out". That's great and all, but there's a scientific side as well. Every time I've tried to quit, it's always been by self motivation, which I realize is the worst. This time is different though because I've found this great resource with thousands of guys who share the same problem and can keep me motivated, so I have hope! An interesting thing for me, that I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, but the majority of what I watch presently and for the past several years, has been gay porn. From what started with lesbian and straight porn, did a complete 180 and turned to gay porn, with the occasional bi sexual stuff thrown in. This pisses me off, because romantically and emotionally, I don't want to be with a guy, but because of my rewired attraction, I am mostly sexually attracted to guys. Through this process I hope to rewire my brain back to its original settings, and just do a total reboot. I guess it escalated to gay porn because when we get tired of the same old porn, we look for more deviant and extreme things, and in the Christian religion, homosexuality is taboo, and gay porn for the majority is a lot more aggressive than regular (software) straight porn. It's curious because I know that I used to be attracted to lesbian porn and I'm still emotionally and romantically attracted to women, I just need to destroy the neural pathways I've created. Anybody else have a similar experience? Anyway, it's just a huge problem because I have no motivation to date anybody because of fear of pressure to have sex, and that it'll be ruined by my porn addiction, so I want to fix myself before I feel ready to date again. I just want a healthy future. Thanks for listening guys. I've never made it past 3 weeks of no porn or masturbation, so this is going to be by far, the hardest thing I've ever done. Currently day 3 with no P or M.