iPhone and blocking porn

[Hopeforfuture]

Hi, I am new here and so this may have been asked and answered before but I am a wife who knew that my husband was watching porn and don't really have a problem with occasional use of porn but I found some things on his phone that gave the whole story and we've talked and are dealing with the issue. My biggest problem is trying to regain his trust at this time.  He has offered to get a simple talk/text phone to help with my trust issues, but is that necessary? Can I just set parental controls to block adult content on his Iphone where only I know the password or is there something else that I can/should do? TIA

 

[Steam rolled]

I was debating a blocker to.
But my SO said he doesn't want internet on his phone just talk & text.

So i went with that as he demanded it for a reason.

Sometimes i feel bad that hes missing out on some cool things phones offer, but he doesn't want it and he has been clean 1.5 years of porn.
Not to sure he would still be if he had even a blocker.

 

[Hopeforfuture]

Thank you for your reply.  Today was the first day back to work after me putting the parental controls in place and I still have that paranoid feeling that he will use porn while at work.  I think a talk/text phone might be worth a try, he said he is willing to so I should have just said yes in the first place. I'm just so up and down right now..

 

[hoopvol]

Hello Hopeforthefuture,

First of all: welcome! You've done the right thing, to get an account on this forum. Just knowing, there are others helps and you'll find a lot of support here.
To answer your question.... My partner asked me to block his iPhone and so I did. I also installed OpenDNS on our WiFi-router, so all devices that connect to our Wifi are (kind of) save. I did this mostly for our children; to avoid accidental exposure. I realize no filter is 100% save, but it helps. (You still have to block sites like 'YouTube) The most important Blocker should be his willpower..... But the Blocked phone and the WiFi filter make my SO feel safer as well.
There are a lot of different posts about this subject. That's how
I found the OpenDNS filter.
For now: I wish you all the best and keep posting. It helps!!

 

[Destroyedwife]

Hi. With his phone you can get an app for free and set up an account to block everything and also gives you a record of everything he does on his phone. It's called qustodio. You can pay ?27 a year or something and it will let you see the texts and phone calls he does too but the free shows you so much and blocks everything. You can also set a time allowance so you can make it that he can't use his phone for Internet at night e.t.c. I hope this helps and I hope you get through this as I know I'm majorly struggling with the trust issues. 

 

[Jay1946]

In my case, I need the features of a smart phone for my job, but a couple of my 12 Step group buddies have switched to a "dumb" phone and it's worked for them.

I'm not technically savvy, so what I say may not be the best way of doing it: I installed the Covenant Eyes filter in my computer. It also blocks my Iphone, but it will take willpower on your husband's part because it takes some manual handling to get it to work. You download the Covenant Eyes app on the iphone and once in the app go to settings/Refresh Filter and it will update the filter on the Iphone to match the one on the computer.  My wife is the filter guardian in Covenant Eyes, so I can't uninstall it, or unblock sites. And she, also, put the Restrictions Passcode on my Iphone for added security.

The main benefit of all of this, is that my porn addiction is out in the open with my wife, we talk about it, and it's no longer a dark secret in our marriage.

 

[chickaboomski]

Hello Hopeforthefuture.
I am new to the recovery side of things, as far as my partner finally admitting he has a problem he can't control. 6 months ago when I first raised the issue with him he said he wasn't addicted, but would go back to a dumb phone to reassure me. He never did. Fast forward 6 months and shit hit the fan so to speak, he smashed his smart phone and gone to a talk text phone. I feel if he feels the need to have a basic phone, he knows in himself he needs to have a basic phone to not just take constant  temptation away, but ease of access. I never pushed the idea but did find it reassuring of his efforts.
Every little bit helps.

 

[ajcoals]

I've had a dump phone since may, and it's made an enormous ENORMOUS difference.

No one lets an alcoholic walk around with gin in his pocket.  I wouldn't over think it. Just make the switch for 6-12 months, and you'll find it's an incredible deterrent.

 

[jamescole]

For my situation, I really want the highlights of a PDA for my work, yet two or three my 12 Step bunch pals have changed to a "imbecilic" telephone and it's worked for them. With his telephone you can get an application free of charge and set up a record to hinder everything and furthermore provides you with a record of all that he does on his telephone. It's called qustodio.

You can pay ?27 per year or something and it will allow you to see the messages and calls he does too yet the free shows you so much and squares everything. You can likewise establish a point in time recompense so you can make it that he can't involve his telephone for Internet around evening time e.t.c.

I trust this aides and I want to believe that you traverse this as I probably am aware I'm significantly battling with the trust issues. Nobody lets a drunkard stroll around with gin in his pocket. I wouldn't over think it. Simply do the switch for 6 a year, and you'll think that it is' a mind blowing impediment.