umbrelladuck
Member
Hi everyone!
I'm a 22 year old male trying to break this addiction to porn and masturbation. It's taken away so much from me.
This is something that I want to break the chains of once and for all. I know I can do it, I just need the final push.
I started looking at sexual material at age 12 summer before 8th grade. High speed porn was definitely a thing. I was so ashamed and it held me down for years. I wouldn't even stand up to it, I admitted defeat and when the urge came on I gave in every. single. time.
I lost all confidence I had with girls and deemed myself unworthy of any girls love or affection.
To fill this void I became obsessed with certain actresses and would only watch their videos. I needed some kind of female connection and I thought this was the best thing I could get. I thought I was in control by picking and choosing the videos but I realized I was a coward. My lustful desires were controlling me and I was willing to let them drag me around and be indulged whenever they pleased. I started to realize it was a serious problem when I began lusting and fantasizing after any girl and basically only saw them as play toys for me and only me to enjoy. One of them was my best friend's Mom (who I've known since I was 1 and basically helped raise me). I felt so sickened by it!!! :-[ It was as if I was lusting after my own Mom!! :-[ I was so ashamed and this held me in place for years. It wasn't until about my Junior or Senior year of high school I was able to stop these desires. I still have bits of shame from it to this day :-\
I began to watch videos that played into this fantasy so I could live it out and I still gravitate towards this. It has the most pull over me. Even actresses that look like my friends mom. It seems to be deep in my core of acceptance in women and I have been somehow convinced that this will fulfill me. It never has and it never will.
It wasn't until I was 19 that I started trying to make things happen with girls although it was a slow process.
I became motivated to clean up my act when I began to become interested in real girls and desire to have a real face to face relationship. I went 103 days without looking at porn and/or masturbating in spring 2014!!! My longest streak That summer I binged hard but maintained a hope. I realized this summer that I was actually addicted and I needed to approach it in such a way. I have a hard time breaking habits and have an obsessive addictive personality so breaking this is tough but I want my life back. It feels like I'm breaking up with some crazy girlfriend who I know is no good for me yet I still go back to her because i miss it and don't want to be alone. I know I'm so close, I just get lazy and fall back into old habits too often.
I'm a 22 year old male trying to break this addiction to porn and masturbation. It's taken away so much from me.
This is something that I want to break the chains of once and for all. I know I can do it, I just need the final push.
I started looking at sexual material at age 12 summer before 8th grade. High speed porn was definitely a thing. I was so ashamed and it held me down for years. I wouldn't even stand up to it, I admitted defeat and when the urge came on I gave in every. single. time.
I lost all confidence I had with girls and deemed myself unworthy of any girls love or affection.
To fill this void I became obsessed with certain actresses and would only watch their videos. I needed some kind of female connection and I thought this was the best thing I could get. I thought I was in control by picking and choosing the videos but I realized I was a coward. My lustful desires were controlling me and I was willing to let them drag me around and be indulged whenever they pleased. I started to realize it was a serious problem when I began lusting and fantasizing after any girl and basically only saw them as play toys for me and only me to enjoy. One of them was my best friend's Mom (who I've known since I was 1 and basically helped raise me). I felt so sickened by it!!! :-[ It was as if I was lusting after my own Mom!! :-[ I was so ashamed and this held me in place for years. It wasn't until about my Junior or Senior year of high school I was able to stop these desires. I still have bits of shame from it to this day :-\
I began to watch videos that played into this fantasy so I could live it out and I still gravitate towards this. It has the most pull over me. Even actresses that look like my friends mom. It seems to be deep in my core of acceptance in women and I have been somehow convinced that this will fulfill me. It never has and it never will.
It wasn't until I was 19 that I started trying to make things happen with girls although it was a slow process.
I became motivated to clean up my act when I began to become interested in real girls and desire to have a real face to face relationship. I went 103 days without looking at porn and/or masturbating in spring 2014!!! My longest streak That summer I binged hard but maintained a hope. I realized this summer that I was actually addicted and I needed to approach it in such a way. I have a hard time breaking habits and have an obsessive addictive personality so breaking this is tough but I want my life back. It feels like I'm breaking up with some crazy girlfriend who I know is no good for me yet I still go back to her because i miss it and don't want to be alone. I know I'm so close, I just get lazy and fall back into old habits too often.