Do you often confuse:
- Sex, with love?
-A playful sexual attraction to clothes or a scenario, vs the ?must? and
seriousness of a specific fetish?
-Fetish & fantasy verses a real connection with yourself and a woman?
Firstly you need to rethink and reframe the pull of desire for sex and women?and the obsessive craving of dependency for them. Or things relating to them ?like fetish or fantasy that keep you stuck, limited or dysfunctional.
These elements of craving and dependency are by no means the only way to look at attachment.
Attaching
Think of attachment as the invisible cement that holds together our lust. ? Lust can be anything including gambling sex, money, status, food, fantasy.
This cement when observed through awareness will feel like a grasping or endless seeking; this is the root of all addictive behavior. This is different from the draw of desire, which is much lighter except during peak, brief periods. Desire is a temporary spike to something you see- dependence is a constant reaction to something you lack.
A deep emptiness to be filled. Or at least so it seems?
Attachment mimics desire only on steroids 24/7. Desire in itself is natural and it is understandable; we all want things.
Do you sense that deep, repetitive intensity over an over? If so that is NOT love. Not desire.
THAT is what you need to let go of. When something looming is at stake if its supply is threatened- or imagined(a fantasy)-real(a person) it makes little difference- it is attachment.
Self?
You! And me. Our egos. Through attachment we pull things to ourselves and we do it so tightly and repetitively that somehow we believe them to be of us so that we feel somehow more comforted, soothed or better in some way.
These are lies of course but we identify with them subconsciously as if they are rock solid truths, but we are threatened.
What Does it Mean
Of being annihilated. Of not getting our ultimate needs met. It?s tough to define needs other than a yearning or missing-ness which every human has. Of a kind of death and emptiness if not met. They are one and the same meaning with egoic- suffering. If I don?t get ?x? I will be disconnected from source. But who made that source? You did inadvertently.
Said another way, in sexual terms, to give up my kinks because my wife is too vanilla or nobody will perform them?.is terrifying since part of me will disappear or die a boring death by becoming a plain Jane and losing the intensity and the promise and the validation that porn or sex or fetish or this untried fantasy pretends to offer you.
But you have taken your awareness off the original emptiness, haven?t you? You have learned not to feel this emptiness or vulnerability, and instead self medicate that looming achy, uncertain, lonely separate feeling with excitement. Or inadequacy, and lack. Can?t blame you. They suck.
But why use band aids? Expose your wounds to the light, and let them heal and your need for band-aids will diminish.
Those things (sex, fantasies, fixations, validation) are learned symbols of meaning, which promise a kind of salvation, completeness, peace, security or freedom. and just because our society is awash in that too, does not mean it?s the truth.
Truth operates on its own schedule despite what your needy inner child believes, and is accepted and experienced. What you think or believe does not change presence. You cannot add to it either. It just is. And there is a part of you beyond the noise of the mind and your history that ?just is.?
I have seen the miraculous power of awareness
- Sex, with love?
-A playful sexual attraction to clothes or a scenario, vs the ?must? and
seriousness of a specific fetish?
-Fetish & fantasy verses a real connection with yourself and a woman?
Firstly you need to rethink and reframe the pull of desire for sex and women?and the obsessive craving of dependency for them. Or things relating to them ?like fetish or fantasy that keep you stuck, limited or dysfunctional.
These elements of craving and dependency are by no means the only way to look at attachment.
Attaching
Think of attachment as the invisible cement that holds together our lust. ? Lust can be anything including gambling sex, money, status, food, fantasy.
This cement when observed through awareness will feel like a grasping or endless seeking; this is the root of all addictive behavior. This is different from the draw of desire, which is much lighter except during peak, brief periods. Desire is a temporary spike to something you see- dependence is a constant reaction to something you lack.
A deep emptiness to be filled. Or at least so it seems?
Attachment mimics desire only on steroids 24/7. Desire in itself is natural and it is understandable; we all want things.
Do you sense that deep, repetitive intensity over an over? If so that is NOT love. Not desire.
THAT is what you need to let go of. When something looming is at stake if its supply is threatened- or imagined(a fantasy)-real(a person) it makes little difference- it is attachment.
Self?
You! And me. Our egos. Through attachment we pull things to ourselves and we do it so tightly and repetitively that somehow we believe them to be of us so that we feel somehow more comforted, soothed or better in some way.
These are lies of course but we identify with them subconsciously as if they are rock solid truths, but we are threatened.
What Does it Mean
Of being annihilated. Of not getting our ultimate needs met. It?s tough to define needs other than a yearning or missing-ness which every human has. Of a kind of death and emptiness if not met. They are one and the same meaning with egoic- suffering. If I don?t get ?x? I will be disconnected from source. But who made that source? You did inadvertently.
Said another way, in sexual terms, to give up my kinks because my wife is too vanilla or nobody will perform them?.is terrifying since part of me will disappear or die a boring death by becoming a plain Jane and losing the intensity and the promise and the validation that porn or sex or fetish or this untried fantasy pretends to offer you.
But you have taken your awareness off the original emptiness, haven?t you? You have learned not to feel this emptiness or vulnerability, and instead self medicate that looming achy, uncertain, lonely separate feeling with excitement. Or inadequacy, and lack. Can?t blame you. They suck.
But why use band aids? Expose your wounds to the light, and let them heal and your need for band-aids will diminish.
Those things (sex, fantasies, fixations, validation) are learned symbols of meaning, which promise a kind of salvation, completeness, peace, security or freedom. and just because our society is awash in that too, does not mean it?s the truth.
Truth operates on its own schedule despite what your needy inner child believes, and is accepted and experienced. What you think or believe does not change presence. You cannot add to it either. It just is. And there is a part of you beyond the noise of the mind and your history that ?just is.?
I have seen the miraculous power of awareness