I been at nofap for three years (ish) now, and this is my longest clean (no mess ups/hardmode no sex) streak. I have been getting great benefits, in terms of mood, staying present and focused, charisma around people in social environments, lifts in the gym, etc. Yeah so that's the good, but now why I'm here today.
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So last night I stayed up till 3am cramming a paper for class (8am). To make matters worse I had my first wet dream in over a month last night. Woke up, stressed out as fuk, went to class, did a half ass job on the test and came home with the plan to play some fallout 4 and chill. Unfortunately it wasn't done downloading, and I started screwing around on reddit. A fucking mistake. I should of known, no sleep, chaser effect from wet dream = fucking disaster.
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And this is why I'm here; I ended up spending about 10 minutes on "nsfw" (GW/dirty subredits). I pulled my self away, went for a walk; but I was being nauratic to all hell. "I just totally fucked a 60 day streak WTF I HATE MY SELF.. etc. etc." Came back to my apartment and was just about to give up and do the dead... loaded up one of my old kinky porn videoes; and pressed play.
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About 3 minutes in, a family member called me... it was a non-important phone call but it was enough to snap me out of it. Almost like a "sign" if your into that kind of stuff. I stopped, closed the video, and recommitted to nofap. I DID NOT FAP. But I did break my promise to my self not to watch porn, and got a erection to artificial stimuli. 3 hours later (now) and I feel the effects of the dopamine wearing off; replaced with lack of energy, lack of focus, and a anxious feeling that something is wrong. Basically about 30% of that "shit" feeling after a PMO session. Did I relapse? Is the damage done? Part of me just wants to binge out for a few days then get back to it....
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TLR:
I'm not quite sure how to feel right now. I'm happy that I stopped, and didn't fap... but part of me feels that the damage was already done. I need some input from you gents. What would you do in this situation? You're on a 63 day streak, broke down and looked at images for about 10 minutes, and watched a porn video for about 3/4 minutes, without fapping. It's by far the most damaging/anti-reboot thing you've done in the last three months. Fuck it and fap? Forget about it and move on? And if so, how far did I set my self back (in theory)?
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So last night I stayed up till 3am cramming a paper for class (8am). To make matters worse I had my first wet dream in over a month last night. Woke up, stressed out as fuk, went to class, did a half ass job on the test and came home with the plan to play some fallout 4 and chill. Unfortunately it wasn't done downloading, and I started screwing around on reddit. A fucking mistake. I should of known, no sleep, chaser effect from wet dream = fucking disaster.
------------
And this is why I'm here; I ended up spending about 10 minutes on "nsfw" (GW/dirty subredits). I pulled my self away, went for a walk; but I was being nauratic to all hell. "I just totally fucked a 60 day streak WTF I HATE MY SELF.. etc. etc." Came back to my apartment and was just about to give up and do the dead... loaded up one of my old kinky porn videoes; and pressed play.
----------
About 3 minutes in, a family member called me... it was a non-important phone call but it was enough to snap me out of it. Almost like a "sign" if your into that kind of stuff. I stopped, closed the video, and recommitted to nofap. I DID NOT FAP. But I did break my promise to my self not to watch porn, and got a erection to artificial stimuli. 3 hours later (now) and I feel the effects of the dopamine wearing off; replaced with lack of energy, lack of focus, and a anxious feeling that something is wrong. Basically about 30% of that "shit" feeling after a PMO session. Did I relapse? Is the damage done? Part of me just wants to binge out for a few days then get back to it....
----------
TLR:
I'm not quite sure how to feel right now. I'm happy that I stopped, and didn't fap... but part of me feels that the damage was already done. I need some input from you gents. What would you do in this situation? You're on a 63 day streak, broke down and looked at images for about 10 minutes, and watched a porn video for about 3/4 minutes, without fapping. It's by far the most damaging/anti-reboot thing you've done in the last three months. Fuck it and fap? Forget about it and move on? And if so, how far did I set my self back (in theory)?