Fantasy of other women/porn during sex

[Gunner]

During all my sexual encounters I always fantasize about other women and great porn scenes. That is the only way I can get thru sex and orgasm. I think that is a result of all the decades of PMO. Brain is wired to cum from visual fantasy stimulation and not the real act of sex. It kind of sucks that way because I really have to concentrate on something else and the women I am with will pick up on that. Makes me a lousy lover. Been a couple weeks without PMO but I have edged to watching porn but not touching myself. There has been a couple occasions when all the "stars were aligned" and I had great sex/cum without fantasy. That is the best and most amazing sex. But it is sooooo rare that I have doubts I should deprive myself of the enjoyment of PMO just for the rare great encounter. I used to believe I could find the one right girl that would cure me of all this, but tonight I am thinking such an outward solution simply is not available to me. Whether it is because that girl does not exist or my brain is corrupted beyond the point of seeing the girls I have as the right one...or a little of both.

 

[bob]

During all my sexual encounters I always fantasize about other women and great porn scenes. That is the only way I can get thru sex and orgasm...

Whether it is because that girl does not exist or my brain is corrupted beyond the point of seeing the girls I have as the right one...

I think you know the answer to your own question. Trust your heart. This PMO thing grabs hold and will not let go until we eliminate it from our lives. Not easy but you yourself said that the sex that you had was amazing. Those types of experience are there. We just need to point ourselves in the right direction and commit to the process.

It is not easy but nothing worthwhile ever is.

Comments from others?

 

[lyon03]

Hey brother. You're very early in the process but you'll eventually get to the point where you're 100% present with your partner, rather than praying for an orgasm as you imagine the most graphic XXX scenes possible. It's just like other addictions. Some people 'need a drink' to just get through the day. Porn addicts often 'need the fantasies' to climax. As you make it to 90 days and beyond, you'll feel this need diminish and you'll start to crave real (rather than virtual/imagined) contact with your partners. I agree with Bob that you've answered your own question:

"There has been a couple occasions when all the "stars were aligned" and I had great sex/cum without fantasy. That is the best and most amazing sex."

That's the goal my friend and the only way to get there is porn-free. Good luck. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

 

[Punk Monk]

Hey Gunner,

I'm in the same metaphorical boat as you.  During actual sex, I have a really tough time finishing without "going into my head".  This is the last long lingering present from Porn Addiction.

And you nailed it as to why that is:

Brain is wired to cum from visual fantasy stimulation and not the real act of sex.

The only thing to do is keep at it and stay out of your head.

The more my wife and I have sex, the more I'm able to spend time being present and in the moment and not in my head.  It's taken awhile, but the last time I got it on, I was able to cum without the fantasy.

Now like you said, that might have been a singular moment where the stars all aligned. And I may not be able to repeat it next time. But at least I know it can happen. And it was truly amazing!

So, all we can do is practice. practice. practice!

(But at least the cure is fun!)

P. Monk

 

[Gunner]

Thanks Monk--I am sure there are many guys out there is the same boat. Nowadays Porn is so amazingly vivid and real that it leaves little to the imagination and it is easy to see porn in my head when I am with a girl. Back in the day it was easier to be present with the girl since porn was just low-res inaccessible movies or two dimension static magazines.

The hard part for me is since I am single--I get the iffy chance of having sex maybe 1x/week and at the cost of dinner, boring conversations, and the high probability of rejection. With porn it is daily orgasms with zero cost and no fuss. I just don't understand why a guy would want to be with a girl to orgasm when the porn alternative is just so much better on many levels?

Well....almost 30 days of no MO, but I have edged to P just out of boredom. After my six months of no MO, it will be back to PMO.

 

[Bibbity]

Thanks Monk--I am sure there are many guys out there is the same boat. Nowadays Porn is so amazingly vivid and real that it leaves little to the imagination and it is easy to see porn in my head when I am with a girl. Back in the day it was easier to be present with the girl since porn was just low-res inaccessible movies or two dimension static magazines.

The hard part for me is since I am single--I get the iffy chance of having sex maybe 1x/week and at the cost of dinner, boring conversations, and the high probability of rejection. With porn it is daily orgasms with zero cost and no fuss. I just don't understand why a guy would want to be with a girl to orgasm when the porn alternative is just so much better on many levels?

Well....almost 30 days of no MO, but I have edged to P just out of boredom. After my six months of no MO, it will be back to PMO.

Does the orgasm with porn compare to the awesome orgasm you had with a girl?  That one time when you weren't deep in fantasy but were connected?  That is why sex with a girl is so much better than orgasm to porn.  For most men who have recovered they will tell you that orgasm to porn is a waste of time.  It's like sneezing.  There is nothing to it besides the buildup and the fantasy.  Only a fully rebooted brain will get that true joy and pleasure from a connected orgasm with a real person.  It's a big reason why porn users have to up the ante to get he same pleasure.  Porn cannot compete with sex with a real person once your brain is rebalanced.  You will look back at your orgasms to porn as being boring and unfulfilling.  You must be here for a reason.

Seeing a connection to another human being as a "fuss" is also a bit of a problem wouldn't you say?  Seeing women and companionship as nothing more than a means to an end (orgasm).  Right now dating for you is all about scoring so of course you are having boring convos and not connecting in any real way to women.  If I went car shopping to find a car to get me from point A to point B it would be pretty boring since ANY car can get me there.  If you are dating to find real connection things would be much more interesting.  Treating women like porn or objects is a major issue for guys with porn addition and it will drive you back to porn time and time again.  Real people cannot compete with dopamine surges that porn can produce just like a roller coaster can't compete with cocaine.

 

[Gunner]

Good points Bibbity. I suppose for me it comes down to quantity vs probable quality. I can get lots of pleasure all the time from porn.  Once in a while I can have a great experience with a woman. With work, kids, mortgage, health all taking a toll on a middle aged man...just don't have the energy to chase women all the time and there are just none around like in college.

 

[Punk Monk]

I just don't understand why a guy would want to be with a girl to orgasm when the porn alternative is just so much better on many levels?

You know, that reminds me of a line from the late great Richard Jeni. He said he was in a singles bar and was so desperate by closing time he finally just walked up to a beautiful woman and said "Look, I"m going to have sex with you tonight when I go home anyway...you might as well be there."

Yeah...it definitely seems easier and less risky to self satisfy.  But again, the real thing is much, much better.  And I echo a lot of Bibbity's points above. Any good thing worth having is worth the effort.

Hang in there Brother.

Monk

 

[Gunner]

Haha...good one Punk Monk.

I am happy to report I had good sex for the first time without Viagra! Going off PMO definitely works in the bedroom. It is just the other 99% of my time that it sucks...especially those times when I am bored and tired like right now. There is nothing else I would rather do than watch some amazing porn and climax. It would be so relieving to rub one out while sitting here. Other distractions just don't have the pleasure of self satisfaction. Ugggg. Just 4 more months of no flapping...

 

[Brooklyn Jerry]

Yes Gunner iminowmwgat you mean. It is almost 70 days without PMO.but about two weeks ago I wasted a whole day edging, I didn't want to cum because at my age 66, I felt it would be best to,wait until I had sex in the next day or two. Well a day later when with my lady,I dad nor problem  getting an erection but sure had a hard time cumming. I actually had to just about finish manually. I guess I need more pressure then she had. Since then I haven't washed any port and hope next time things will be better.

 

[Punk Monk]

I am happy to report I had good sex for the first time without Viagra! Going off PMO definitely works in the bedroom.

Excellent to hear, Gunner!  Looks like Christmas came early for you!

Yes, it's amazing what happens when the brain starts to rewire itself back to normal. The first time I had sex with my wife after halting the PMO was probably the best we'd both had in a very long time!

Congrats, brother. Keep it up and stay strong.

Monk

 

[Gunner]

Still trying to stay off PMO although my use (and willpower to fight against) of watching porn has increased. I just get so bored with the women I am with. Then they throw in all their emotional issues and that creates some serious noodle dick. It would be so much easier to say the heck with them and just PMO to have a nice dopamine rush and get on with my day. But I am sticking to the plan of 6 months no PMO then 6 months back to PMO/no girls. I know these 6 months is super hard and the six months of PMO is going to be too short....