This Time.

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ThisTime

Member
10 days and then a moment of craziness and I relapsed, then again a few hours later, triggered by scrolling through Netflix menu. This is strange because over the last week I watched films with actual sex scenes in them and was fine, but once i allowed myself to consider that you might "just have 1 exception" it all went crazy.

I need to just get through the next few days without another relapse and then I can apply what I learnt. Most important is that when I am on a streak I need to not let the possibility enter my head, and if it does I need to leave the house right away. I was feeling much better, more energy, sleeping better, more alert, I don't know how that will change after the relapse but I want to get back to that.
 
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ThisTime

Member
More than six months later, I'm back here. It doesn't feel good. I'm better than I was with this, I had a month porn free at the start of this year.

Even when things are bad I'm not looking at it more than a few times a week, but now I want to quit completely.

I'm happy that I've cut down but I still hate the way I feel when I look at porn.

When I had quit for 3 weeks I thought it was easy, I didn't have many urges and thought I had finally "turned the corner", but after 1 month I looked at it again, "just one time".

Since then 9 days is the longest I've quit, now my goal is to get to 1 month, and once I've done that, learn from my past mistakes and keep going.

It seems the counters are gone, instead I'll just post in here every day.

Once I reach 30 days in a row, then I will set a new goal.

One thing I found good last time is remembering that if an urge comes up, that means it wasn't there before. If a few hours or a day pass and I have no urges, that means I don't even have to try most of the time.

All I have to do is identify the 1% of the time when I am tempted, and remind myself that once it passes, I'm back to the 99% of the time when I have no interest in looking at porn.

The goal is to make that 99% become 100%, it will take time, but its worth fighting for. Porn is the only source of shame in my life, without it I would have more confidence and feel happier.

That will be my focus for now, aiming for the happiness I feel when I'm not looking at it.
 
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vvvvasa

Member
Stay away from your apt, go outside, go to stores, yoga, gym, friends anything would work and don't use laptop at home for a few weeks, unless it's something practical. Stop watching netflix youtube etc. I start some new or old hobby u need to fill up your free time.

Create a situation where you can't pmo or just don't have time. You can do it!
 
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ThisTime

Member
Thanks, good advice. Much easier when you get out of the house, I need to use my laptop for work but I'm trying not to use it at other times.

Three days done now, I feel good. My mindset is determined. "The Craving Mind" is helping a lot.
 
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ThisTime

Member
After four days I got drunk and didn't care about my goals. Looked at porn twice when I got home. I was depressed for the next day but didn't look at it again.

Now 24 hours have passed, I've realized I need to make sure I don't get drunk again during this process.

So many slip ups come after drinking.

It will also be easier to do the other things that will help - like exercising and meditating - if I don't drink.



 
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ThisTime

Member
Thick fog of depression after looking again. I had 4 days in a row then 2. My goal is now simple - 7 days in a row with no porn at all. I think when I aim for longer it is too distant. I didn't want to aim for 7 because my record is 1 month, but now I want 1 easier goal. After I get to 7 days I will make a new goal, now my goal is to exercise and meditate every day, take note of triggers and remind myself of how I feel when I give in to temptation. It often happens because I feel depressed and brain foggy, next time I will remind myself that it will make me feel worse in this way, not better.
 
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ThisTime

Member
TRIGGERS:

- Alcohol.
- Junk food.
- Tiredness.
- Too much time indoors.
- Negative though patterns.
- "Just this once" thinking.
- Frustration at lack of progress.

SOLUTIONS:

- Don't keep alcohol or junk food in the house.
- Lack of alcohol will lead to better sleep - exercise will also help, so I should combine the two.
- Meditation. Practice noting negative thoughts, coming back to the present.
- Visualize how I feel when I give in to cravings, and how I feel when I don't.
- Remind myself that I can't control the past, but every time I make the right decision in the present I get one step closer to my goal.

My goal is to quit completely. In the last seven days I have looked at porn twice. This is some small progress. This day next week I will be able to say that in the past seven days I haven't looked at porn at all. That will be more progress, which I will use as a stepping stone to the next stage.

 
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ThisTime

Member
One other trigger is a feeling of shame. Looking at porn is the only activity I am ashamed of. This should motivate me to quit, and it does, but when I feel depressed the shame makes me more likely to give in.

I am working on this through being more present with my thoughts - if I can recognize this is happening I can defuse it. The more I practice reminding myself of the things I have learned the easier it will be.
 
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ThisTime

Member
Note to future self

I've learned that the best cure for the sort of depressive state that leads to looking at porn is to get outside and take a walk, even for 10 minutes.

What I need to learn from this time is that you have to leave the house the first time you think of it - if you delay, it becomes more difficult. If you just do it, you get the benefit and come back with a new mindstate.
 
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ThisTime

Member
Starting day 3, feeling good. The difficult thing is that most of the time I feel no desire to look at porn, so it feels like it will be easy. But all it takes is one minute of not thinking and you are back to the start. Meditation will help with this, and I hope being aware of the problem will too.
 
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ThisTime

Member
Day 4 now. 3 drinks last night, but I wasn't tempted which is progress. Feel a little tired today so I need to be careful.
 
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