2 years of being "mostly successful"

[DonaNobisPacem]

Hello guys - just hoping for some feedback on my situation.
Basically, for around 2 years, I have been "mostly successful" in cutting out P and MB.
I.e. in an average month there will be between 2 and 5 days where I slip and even binge.
Does this constitute a recovery given that I used to be a daily user or do I still have an issue which is harming me?
I also have to add that I have a fetish regularly indulged by my wife.
Am I kidding myself on to think that I'm much better than I used to be?
Thanks in advance.

 

[Numez]

recovery is being happy. it is how you feel. do you still have sexual dysfunctions? do you still crave porn or masturbation? how is your life going on? i think you are not 100% there since you are asking us to answer it for you. those monthly binges are keeping you away from complete freedom but you are doing hell of a good job with at least not doing it more frequently.

for me personally, successful recovery from porn addiction is when you dont watch porn ever again. it must be hard life watching from time to time and maintaining that urge compared to completely cutting it off from your life and live without any urges. even if it is "only" 2-5 per month it is still leaving traces on the brain to someone who got addicted to porn.

 

[Devo22]

Hello guys - just hoping for some feedback on my situation.
Basically, for around 2 years, I have been "mostly successful" in cutting out P and MB.
I.e. in an average month there will be between 2 and 5 days where I slip and even binge.
Does this constitute a recovery given that I used to be a daily user or do I still have an issue which is harming me?
I also have to add that I have a fetish regularly indulged by my wife.
Am I kidding myself on to think that I'm much better than I used to be?
Thanks in advance.

Hey Man!

I am kinda in the same boat as you. Although at one point i made it a full year without P.O I then relapsed. For about a year before the year I stopped I would PMO about 2-5 times a month. Which was huge because I used to do it 2-5 times in about a 5 day period. It definitely helped because when I did finally quit my body was already weened a bit and did not experience some of the more severe symptoms such as dead dick for months. I am again in the 2-5 times a month period and finally decided to quit once more.

I made slow progressions. Such as the 2-5 times a week thing, then I cut out binging completely. I was then able to quit for a full year. My relapse was caused by me thinking I was "cured" and I slowly started checking out girls on facebook again, then google images, then nude pics, the softcore then hardcore then boom back to square 1! 

If the fetishes are porn related it may make you go back to porn to experience that rush all over again. Its keeping you connected to porn.  Quitting porn but continuing having porn style sex is definitely making it more difficult for you to quit.  I too had that problem, I quit porn but still kinda had porn style sex which inevitably lead me back to pmo. I now have a more spiritual view on sex and read a lot on taoist sexual practices which i practice with some degree of success. If anything it has made me enjoy tantric style sex a lot more and helped me easily let go of my pornified outlook on sex.

 

[Numez]

My relapse was caused by me thinking I was "cured" and I slowly started checking out girls on facebook again, then google images, then nude pics, the softcore then hardcore then boom back to square 1! 

its good that you saw why you relapsed after a year of reboot. maybe you were cured but cured does not mean you can harmlessly watch porn ever again. alcoholics will never be able enjoy a drink or two without going back to getting drunk and fucked up every day, even after they fully recover.

it is great news though, you are sentenced to life without stupid ass porn. poor people who have not got addicted yet waste time watching that shit every once in a while. god rides with you (us) on this one, or in other words we are blessed to not be able to casually watch porn ever again even after we fully recover. im truly happy for it.

 

[Numez]

i forgot to post a link about it: http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-is-it-like-to-experiment-with-porn-after-recovery

 

[DonaNobisPacem]

Thanks for the feedback guys 
2 things make me think I'm far from recovered:
1) I still pretty much need the fetish in my marital sex. If my wife told me that she was going to stop indulging me, I think I would probably want less sex.
2) I still look at women with a "lusty eye", be it a woman on TV or in real life.
Numez, how did you overcome the hurdle of still wanting an occasional part of the "underworld"?
Devo22, at this point in my life, I doubt I could ever see sex in a spiritual way, and this is coming from a believer.

 

[Numez]

Numez, how did you overcome the hurdle of still wanting an occasional part of the "underworld"?

how did i overcame wanting to watch porn occasionally? is that what you mean  ;D i read too much about it. the more you research porn addiction the less you want to watch it. also im pretty active here. i see people fucked up because of it on regular basis and i know even people who are not addicted yet are wasting time every time they watch it. porn never loves you back or gives you anything in the return. with time it gets really difficult to think about ever watching it again  ;D

 

[Leon]

Hello guys - just hoping for some feedback on my situation.
Basically, for around 2 years, I have been "mostly successful" in cutting out P and MB.
I.e. in an average month there will be between 2 and 5 days where I slip and even binge.
Does this constitute a recovery given that I used to be a daily user or do I still have an issue which is harming me?
I also have to add that I have a fetish regularly indulged by my wife.
Am I kidding myself on to think that I'm much better than I used to be?
Thanks in advance.

Hello, brother. I recall seeing you around.

Where you are is about where I had been a year ago. I could refrain if I was keeping track, but averaged acting out once a week, hence 4 or more times a month.

Before I tried to quit around 2003, I averaged 3-5 times a week in some form or another. Was there progress by November 2014 when I joined RN? Yes, of course, but I still felt controlled by this addiction.

The question is, are you in control or under control by these obsessions? Can you take it or leave it? I suspect not, and yes, you are thereby hurting yourself. You should go for zero lapses, and free yourself from this wretched curse.

As far as the fetish with your wife, if she's comfortable with it, then that is your guy's business.

Pax Christi.