Losing me.

[chickaboomski]

The subject is all to familiar  amongst us partners. Somewhere in the mess of lies and deception, the bad sex, the no sex, the no affection, the disinterest, the arguements, the rage, the hurtful outburst that cut deeper than they realize the distant shell of a man we thought we knew and loved us, the fighting to find them, support them, save them... We lose ourselves. I don't know how I got here. But I know the old me would not stand for lies and deception. Tell me straight up how its going to be so I can make my own decision based on the facta. Don't bullshit me with hope and allure me into thinking I know you. The old me, would not stand for being called selfish. A lot of things I may be, but selfish is not one of them. The old me would say if I truly make you miserable like you say FUCK OFF. The old me would not stand for being a cum bucket. A blow up doll. I think the truth is he knows I am not the selfish one. He is a selfish lover and I use the word lover ever so loosely. He is selfish to tell me the words he knew I wanted to hear to keep me here. He is miserable because he knows that it is his actions, his words, his deceptions, his choices that make me miserable. I have a life time of family and domestic violence, sexual assault and rape that has left me PTSD, he uses that as an excuse to put it back on me. As if without that, it would all be ok, I just blame him for every mans wrong doing to me. Teen porn triggers me. I told him I was leaving after I caught him out september with this. By october somhow I was apologizing saying I know I can trust him round my daughters a few years younger, but I am parinoid because I know shit happens. The very next day my daughters best friend was raped and murdered in her bed. She was 11. Fast forward to new years and the latest one new years eve was fucking sleeping threesome. I wanted to gouge out his eyes and vomit all over him. This is how I was raped. But by one desperate psycho. I want to think he had a last ditch look before a clean new year. I want to think I am bigger than this. But the old me has stepped down. Left this shell of a person who struggles to get words out, who hides in the dark. Who silently, slowly but surely, has given up the ghost. I don't even know what made us, us  anymore. I see a friend, a mate, but not a companion and definitely not a partner. Sad. I loved him so much to get this far gone from myself. Now I need to just love me. Because in the end. It's all I have and all I ever did. Until I lost that too.

 

[Emerald Blue]

I'm so sorry to read this but to your credit you are standing your ground and you're obviously doing it from a position of strength. Many of us learn a lot after d-day, not just about porn and it's addictive nature but about what their selfish habit does to our sense of self-worth and our identity. We didn't enforce our boundaries because we didn't really draw the line between what we are prepared to accept or not accept in our relationship. We accepted the unacceptable and when we recognised the damage to our core selves they start telling us every step of the way that we are wrong. We are wrong because they watched porn. We are wrong because they lied about it. We are wrong because they masturbate in secret to laptop screen. We are wrong because we walk in on them.

We are always f***ing wrong!!!! Except? we're always right!!!!!

If these guys could be honest about their stupid pointless selfish destructive habit it would save a lot of grief for everyone concerned. But no!!!! It's lie lie lie lie lie lie all the f***ng time.

Right now, I'm having big communication problems and a lot of it, I am certain, is the consequence of me trying to work out where my boundaries lie. For years he thought he had carte blanche to do whatever he wanted whether it was watching hardcore porn online or strippers in some sleazy bar, and he foolishly believed that as long as I didn't know then he didn't really do it. He made his decision and he made out it was in response to either my unavailability or something that I said or my lack of sex drive..... well, what sane woman is attracted to someone who sits at a computer screen in a dirty bathrobe masturbating into a Kleenex? Not this one. But I did get grief for daring to walk in on him mid-wank. I am getting fed up with his lame explanations and how he turns it all on me. Why didn't he touch my breasts? Apparently I had some tenderness A few years ago - nothing comes to mind except one episode of mastitis that lasted 1-2 weeks but that doesn't explain why he hardly touched my breasts all those years before or after. Or why he sought out big tit porn. And the more I think about the more I believe that he didn't respect me. He didn't respect my body. He didn't respect my feelings.

Can we ever trust these men? Unless they can be honest with us, I don't think we can. If they deny watching this shit when you've got the evidence in black and white then there's no hope. "I can't remember" is no excuse. "It was just the once" is no excuse, and it's never just the once. "I was curious" is no excuse. "I didn't know what it was until I clicked on the link" is no excuse. It would be so much easier to admit to it. But they don't. And what exactly are they defending? Some shitty video? Their pathetic ego? Their right to lie? My biggest lesson since d-day is learning about trust, honesty and deception. If they carry on lying they're probably just abstaining rather than truly recovering.

Yes, somewhere we lost our true selves. Made ourselves subservient to their secretive habits. We put up with it once and they believed that if the lies didn't do the trick a bit of gaslighting would do nicely. Tell us that we're the ones with the problem ? we're wrong or insecure or obsessed or suspicious. We allow our values to be trashed. We give them second chances, third chances? we end up thinking too much about them and not about us.

 

[Numez]

you are taking this too personal. porn addiction causes physical changes in the brain. it really is very difficult and porn taste has nothing to do with you. PMO has nothing to do with you being sexy or not. i watched big tits, big ass, teen porn.. you name it i watched it. i didnt had gf so nobody took it personally but even when i found girl i considered sexy i could not get it up or get turned on at all. it has nothing to do with her and i got tired of telling it to her. nothing personal. you can divorce, break up, yell, do whatever you want but dont take it personally.

PMO is like cigarettes. if you tell a smoker that he is probably going to get a lung cancer, he will light another one to calm himself down. all the drama is making addict seek another fix to push the feelings down which in turn makes the problem more solid. addict needs to see this in order to overcome it

people fight and break up without PMO on regular basis, i could only imagine how much additional conflict this addiction can add.

actually i was with my gf when i was addicted but i didnt developed PIED so didnt knew it at the time and she didnt knew i was watching it. i remember avoiding sex and acting like real ass, she was pissing me off big time and i was not having slightest clue that porn addiction is even possible. i had my own reasons to avoid sex and get pissed. i would still break up with that girl as we are not good match but my porn addiction caused hell of a lot more conflict and it never crossed my mind how weird it is to avoid sex and then PMO. my brain just wanted fix and blocked away all rational thinking in order to do so. she still hates me and it would not be the case if i was not badly addicted to porn. only know after some time i can see how porn affected my feelings and behaviors.

dont take it personally dont take it personally dont take it personally. im not saying suck dick and shut up. break up, divorce, break dishes, do whatever but dont take it personally and if they dont want to change, if they dont see what is going on, leave them. its better for both. some relationships are just not meant to be or are meant to last for certain amount of time and if you stop taking it personally, you may see more clearly if its true in your case and act accordingly.

 

[chickaboomski]

Thanks for your input Numez. As you said. This affects your feelings and behaviour to your partner. If we partners are here as in on this site. You can be assured we have all watched the videos and know the science. But thanks for filling us in. Another thing is most of us are married, long term relationships, have children and are 30+ years old, so just leaving affects more than just 2 people. And the biggest thing. While we take the time research, understand, support, does any porn addict take the time to research what emotional and physical neglect does to partners. Don't take it personally, but if you took the time to reasearch. It cauaes PTSD. And thats another difference. We looks from both sides. Research. Support and try to understand. So telling us not to take it personally is as helpful as us saying just don't do it.

 

[Numez]

i think its a must for porn addict to do a research on porn addiction. as soon as i discovered something like that even exist and that im part of it, i started to research it and here i am breaking free.

well, you think it has something to do with you if he watches teen porn or big tits so i thought i may help if i let you know that you dont need to feel bad about it as it has nothing to do with you. if it doesnt help a bit, my bad, just thought it could.

my parents divorced after 20+ years. i know what divorce is, i know how it can affect people. staying together have its effects too. if you think its better for you to stay together, then stay together i didnt say its better to stay or break up.

oh and i dont know if you are fully familiar with everything, if you researched porn addiction deeply or not. many people come here with questions about their partner addiction and many porn addicts themselves are coming here with bunch of questions so i always approach with information no disrespect to your knowledge.

 

[Steam rolled]

Numez  you are great for this site and you helped a lot of people I read your posts and  very knowledgeable on the damage that PMO does to a man.

Let me add that as  other examples of how it's taken personaly have been said  and very justified.
here's one for you how does one not take it personal when you're at a beautiful resort have a wonderful day and then go back to the beautiful hotel room only to shower and get dressed in some fancy most of the time uncomfortable lingerie that takes 15 minutes to even get on and the whole time that you're in the bathroom getting ready to be sexy for your SO he is laying naked on the bed watching porn.
But he knows your done so ninja skills kick in and the device is qickly put away.
PMO behavior sounds premeditated to me you wait until they're out of sight Or hear that sound that they're coming the whole time And the other concern is he doesnt want his cover blown  and that takes thought . And fucking rude!

so all that anticipation for of a sexy night is Over in minutes if not sooner.
That had nothing to do with me I take that very very personal, insulting  and degrading.

Does alcoholics or a drug adicts make another feel that their body is ugly not sexy enough not good enough In bed  they make a person feel pain in a different way but not make them feel less of a woman and used.

It's also sad that PMO becomes a catastrophe when the man realizes that he isn't working like a man anymore so then the PMOer looks  for answers.

I believe the whole PMO addiction theory without a doubt -  but I do not think I will ever be able to not take it personally !

 

[Gracie]

I agree SR.  Like I have said in other posts, we are told it is not us.  BUT, the behavior that is changed by watching porn is the interaction with us as SOs.  Every interaction with us is different once this is in the relationship.  There ceases to be conversation.  If there is conversation in a public place, we are looked around or through during the conversation or we watch their eyes track on what ever their turn on view is.  They no longer look at us with that in love look.  They no longer look us in the eyes.  Sex is orgasm centered, they have lost interest in the intimacy part of being intimate.  AND once done in bed, they get up and watch porn.  Or it is as the example you described.  Men should try waking up at night and seeing the man in bed next to you watching porn while he thinks you are asleep. 

Please men on here, tell us how to feel it is not us?  When you ignore your spouse pretty much totally, but pay attention to every other female you see?  When you talk to every other female and smile, but you don't with us?  When you come home from work and you need to be left alone, but will talk to whoever stops by?  or calls, or texts?  How about when you suddenly come up with weird sex things you want to try but make us feel guilty because we don't want to do that thing?
Or how about when you start making comments about our appearance?  We should dress sexier?  But we are hauling kids around.  Or cleaning the house?  Or a slap on the butt is your definition of foreplay? 

We feel like we are on a hamster wheel trying trying trying and you do not give a shit!  Even here we see if not for ED the overwhelming majority of you would not be rebooting.  Really?  That's all we matter?  You do not care about the havoc in our lives?  Only that OMG I can't get it up?    You don't want to talk to your wives because they will be angry, hurt upset?  That is the consequence of lying and hiding.  Then you are surprised we don't trust you?  Why would we?  you just hijacked our life.  I told my husband that he made a major decision about my sex life without consulting me.  He arbitrarily decided there would not be fun sex anymore, or often sex anymore, or sometimes any sex anymore.  He made that decision about my sex life.  You have included us in this.  You married us.  It is about us.  It is about our marriage.  It is about where we are going from here.  It is about us.

 

[Tomte]

I agree that it's personal, in my opinion everything you do as a married person ist personal to your spouse, that's the whole point of being married, isn't it? Sharing everything you are and do with them.

About that "even you guys in this forum" - part, I don't think you can generalise like that. There are PAs who are not lying and deceiving their partners, and quite a few who were honest about their problem and got left because of it.

If your partner is seeing how you are going through hell and can't be honest with you, he doesn't deserve you. Nobody is perfect and everybody can relapse, but a relationship without trust is not worth the trouble.

 

[Numez]

thanks Steam rolled. i think im far too unfamiliar with women perspective and also with your husbands behavior. people who come here are not like that, we all can see what is going on and we are trying to quit. its okay not to get turn on no matter what you wear or do, it has nothing to do with you but calling you names and watching porn in middle of the night while he thinks you are asleep is on the next level and im yet to come across someone like that on this forum or in real life.

also i need to learn to shut up and listen or at least not try to fix every story but just encourage and support. sometimes all you need is to get everything out of your system to make things clearer.

 

[JKR]

Steam Rolled, you're right about it being premeditated (a lot of the time). While my PMO issues have been outside of a relationship, I can think about it or plan it hours ahead, much like one might get excited about going to a restaurant later that night to eat their favorite food. It's sad to think about, but the reward system is so hard to say no to.

Men that haven't accepted that what they're doing is destructive not only to their partners, but destructive to their own person and their ability to be happy, will be hard to rehab. Hearing these tales of men hiding it and lying about it is very similar to tales of alcoholism within a family - lies, hiding, promises but not coming through. I've never felt any addiction whatsoever to alcohol, but I suppose my PMO addictions are a lot like it, minus the deceit part. Maybe not in terms of reducing my longevity or endangering others, but just a very net negative to my life with only brief moments of positive (pleasure), a desire to give it up, but seeming inability to give it up once and for all. I have become so accustomed to being single, that I never even feel lonely, as if the state of being in a long term relationship has become more of an intellectual phantom than a realistic possibility any longer. Definitely not what I wanted out of my life, hence being here.

A lot of guys here don't have SAs because they can't even get through the happy honeymoon phase thanks to PIED. I've been single for three years and the PMO addiction has been worst through those years. Strugglers like this on this forum (myself included) probably see porn just as bad as anyone else because it seems like there's no where we can turn to have a normal life again. I can't speak to any relationships here, and I know it's hard to not take personally, but the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in the world could throw herself naked at me right now, and I would more likely than not have PIED. In this case, I truly can say it's all on me, it's my defect, my problem, and my addiction that must be overcome to ever be normal again. If I could go back to when I was 11 and first found porn, and showed myself what it would eventually lead to, I would've stayed far, far away from it. That say, deceit and lies are personal, and not excusable. But I think these are behaviors that happen outside of PMO, they will happen around affairs, money, gambling, drugs, alcohol, etc, any behaviors that a couple really disagree about will bring out someone's tendency to lie and deceive if that's the kind of person they are. I in no way excuse that behavior.

There's too much porn-positivity in our culture, as if it's this great, happy activity that should be indulged in if you're a red blooded male (or even female). I used to believe that until about 6-7 years ago. I've even had a woman say to me that she thinks it's good for a guy to watch porn, and that she thinks it's a red flag if he doesn't. Wtf? I hate to see porn promoted by others now, it doesn't add any value to anyone's life. It doesn't just damage you sexuality, it damages you in other ways. The heaviest porn usage periods of my life were accompanied by lower motivation, lower energy, worse eating habits, worse exercise habits, less social behavior, less joy, etc. The less I use it, the more those trends reverse. All that for a few moments of pleasure, that, mind you, isn't even better than the pleasure a normal person feels from their normal sexual relations. And we have a huge segment of society that promotes and pushes this. It's frustrating.

 

[Numez]

I have become so accustomed to being single, that I never even feel lonely

i know you didnt mean it but that sounded so cool man, better than feeling lonely and unhappy

you are right, music videos, advertisement all over the internet and tv, tv shows, public figures, everything is oversexualized. everybody doing butt shots big tits big lips less clothes... im glad im off that train. many will crash but we will eventually figure it out. i can see the glimpse of change that is starting to happen.

JKR if you want to quit, you need to get really serious about it. imagine if you desperately wanted to achieve anything. study is essential. you cant just want it bad enough or will it. it takes a lot of research to see what is going on and why you do it, relapse, how to overcome it. goal is simply to become more of an observer. dont take it too personally xD

good luck man, i wish you recover. do it.

 

[Emerald Blue]

Wow! JKR, you paint such an unhappy picture. I agree, there's too much BS promoting porn and very little about its damaging effects. We are living in an age that has no precedent and no one could have predicted this phenomenon of porn addiction and its harmful effects on relationships and individuals.

It's well documented that porn addicts and  partners have different issues, but on this forum we talk from our perspective of being the female partner of a male porn addict, as this is the most common situation. Self esteem and body image are very big issues for female partners. When men use porn they seek out women for their physical characteristics. In the wider context, women are under pressure to be forever youthful and to have the big boobs/narrow waist/long legs body type. Just accept that the pressure on ALL women, even at a young age, is to conform to the male gaze or be damned.

When you consider the 24/7 availability of porn and the 'preferences' for large breasts, zero pubic hair, minimal sized labia minora and bleached anus, that's what is reaching the porn-viewing male brain via their eyeballs on a daily and global basis. And "all men watch porn", we are told. Then there are the things that are associated with porn and represent what is considered "sexy" ? stockings, basques, thongs, etc. Women have their pubic hair waxed off and dress up in "sexy" lingerie as a birthday gift to their partner. That says a lot about where women feel their value lies. Personally I don't and never have done that routine because for many years I believed that my body was as beautiful as nature intended and that sex was nothing to do with gift-giving. But again, the porn product presents women as being compliant and available. Women feel that they have to compete with porn to satisfy their man, more so now because "it's normal for guys to watch porn".

By all means we can wear what we choose, there's nothing wrong in that, but emulating porn is just one example of the pressure women feel. There isn't a male equivalent to dressing up in lingerie. What do men feel they have to do? Shower, and that's about it, but many women feel that they need to give their man the "porn star experience". Why? Don't answer. Just think about it.

It's not so straightforward to end a relationship when porn addiction developed some years AFTER a lifelong commitment was made. Other parts of the relationship can still function but the core feels hollow without physical intimacy. When porn takes hold, the emotional intimacy gradually diminishes, sharing is replaced with separateness in other areas of life, the porn user employs a variety of deception methods to hide his activities and they learn how to be dishonest and conceal their activities in general. These things happen slowly over a period long time, and it's actually quite subtle. It's only when you feel the damage is too great that you notice that you've lost your ability to share and communicate

The tragedy is that the male partner doesn't even realise what is happening. "I thought it was just a bit of harmless fun" etc etc. When it all comes crashing down, that's when you really see the wider damage. It takes a lot to try and repair the broken parts of the relationship and it's typically the wives who have to do the lioness's share of the work. And when you go through all that, the years of rejection and feeling alone, and then trying so hard to address the wider relationship, we just can't go through all that again. And for what? Some faked up performance on a computer screen?

We know about the brain chemistry and the addictive process, but somewhere in that chain of behaviour is the decision to act. If it happens - we can sometimes blame the neurochemistry for this part - then the next decision is to conceal the activity - or not. If it is concealed and we ask if they have been viewing porn again, then there is the decision to lie - or not. And if the chain of events of acting out and concealing the activity has been "successful", then there may be the decision to do it all again - or not . The addictive part we understand. It's the deception part we have the trouble with. Without deception, the activity wouldn't be happening. Deception feels very personal, but especially when you know that quite a bit of energy goes into deceiving the partner.

We all have different perspectives on "it's not personal". The truth is, it's not ALL about the brain chemistry. You have to see it in the context of relationships too.

 

[Numez]

@emerald blue, deception is very common symptom of any serious addiction http://blogs.psychcentral.com/addiction-recovery/2014/03/7-honest-reasons-why-addicts-lie/

heroin addicts, alcoholics, gamblers.. they are all rarely honest about their addiction. sadly porn addiction is no different.

when i say its not personal, what i really want to say is it is simply what comes with the addiction. you should not feel disrespected or degraded or whatever (easier said than done i know), if he lies to you. if he was honest, he would probably not be using porn. unfortunately its the way it is, i hope it helps just a little bit to know that so you can accept it, dont fight with it. acceptance is much more powerful place, its easier to see solution if there is any if you come from place of acceptance.

going through addiction sucks in itself and when dealing with someone who is even lying about it, not matter how common it is, it must be very difficult and unhappy experience. i hope you find right way to go.

 

[chickaboomski]

Totally agree a positive platform has a much better point of view. And the lies and deception with Alcohol, drugs and gambling are very similar, as are the distancing, premeditated plans, even the lashing out. Numez, seriously, well done for your progress thus far and your support to everyone else and all of your learning on how to conquer this. My partner is not here. My partner has not even looked at this site. And I never had a problem with porn and he never hid it from me before. I have worked with Alcholics, Drug users and their families. I seen this happening right before my eyes. Originally when he could not ejaculate I was concerned it was a health issue and started to research. I ended up here. And all the dots connected. Eventually, once I summonsed up the courage to approach him about our non existant sex life and his DE possibly being porn related thats when the hiding and deception started. I knew it was coming, but hoped I was wrong. Being lashed out at is also the addiction holding on for all its worth in his brain. I know you can't make a horse drink, and the same goes for any addict. My post was sheer frustration of almost a year passing and the recovering not even beginning. His DE is better, because of sheer few chances and having to hide it, like was said in an early reply, all other aspects can be running smoothly, but when you take away the physical intamacy, you take away the togetherness that makes you not friends, but partners.

 

[JKR]

Have you told him about this site? Has he had a chance to read any of it? It's hard to imagine giving up an addiction while addicted, when that is the chief source of pleasure. It's hard to believe anything would be better, but I have distant memories of that truth. Guilt and pain sometimes just will never motivate an addict to quit, but a promise of a better, more enjoyable life might. At least for me, that's why I'm here. I could spend the rest of my days PMOing, having failed relationships, and being content coasting through such a life, or have meaningful intimate connections with others and have a truly fulfilling and more love-filled life. No amount of negative feelings would have pushed me here, only the hope of something better. I'm sure you've tried most things by now, and as you know, the addict has to make this decision themselves. But perhaps there are carrots for him to chase that would lead him in a direction of recovery.

 

[chickaboomski]

I have told him about this site. I have told him I need him to at least look at this side of the forum of partners to see that it is not just me blaming him for every man that has hurt me in tha past. That pretty much every single partner that post here, post about the same inadequate feelings and the same hurt. He has told me once he is addicted and will stop. That wasafter I caught him out redhanded (after months of broken promises but no proof, just re-occuring DE and a strong gut feeling on how nothing was changing, none of the stuff that guys post about during recovery). But it seems that was telling me what I had wanted to hear for months. Then a less than 3 weeks later, back at it. And the next discussion was it is an addiction, but not like tobacco, I mean, I can just stop. I told him if that was the case, he is making a conscious decision to continue a behaviour that hurts me, if it's not a real addiction. I know he has to have the epiphany moment himself. I have no idea what carrots to lay down on the path here. I have tried them all. I am hoping, but not confident that he wakes up soon and not end up like most males here, it will take PIED for him to wake up. He is such a good man. This has bought out a dark side in him. As it has me. Neither of us really like who we have become the last 9 months since I challenged his beloved porn habit.

 

[JKR]

It took me a long time to realize I had an addiction, although I never had anyone challenging me on it as he does. It was the sheer number of "ok, never again, I'm quitting" moments that felt like an I had incredible steel resolve, only to end up relapsing within 2-10 days every time. Eventually after three years I forced myself on here, to feel some more accountability to myself. It's easy to think "yeah, I'm strong willed, I can do what I please, and stop when I please, addiction? Psh" but hard to finally realize you're a thrall to some addictive behavior that sucks you back in even when you vehemently don't want back in. I don't know how to force the epiphany. The fact he's tried to stop and seemingly failed seems as though it would serve as evidence. I think it's easier to realize the addiction when reading other stories from men and thinking "wow, that's exactly what it was like for me, those thoughts and feelings and patterns of behavior." Obviously you can't force him to read this forum or other firsthand accounts, but maybe it could help serve as a trigger, or one more nudge in the right direction, if he could be convinced in some way.

 

[Numez]

wow he is clueless. he desperately needs PIED. i know i needed it badly. i would never stop watching porn if it was not for PIED and i was actually hiding it from my gf. it was not even intentional, he never really directly asked if im PMOing (maybe 1 or 2 times), i just lied about what im doing or never mentioned it. no way anybody could tell me to stop i would laugh or fuck them off. only after PIED i considered turning on my brain and having a thought or two. people i see here that stop using porn based on DE, or connect the dots because of relationship issues, are geniuses to me. i would never consider it a problem and have a thought about quitting if it didnt became so obvious as PIED.

he is clueless and im clueless how he is going to quit if he remains clueless. i found one line on helpguide.org, it says "If you become addicted, the substance takes on the same significance as other survival behaviors, such as eating and drinking." porn is not substance but from my personal experience that is really how porn addiction feels like, like its essential to survival just like food and water. i stopped smoking and its like going to the store compared to my porn problem. i dont see how he is going to overcome his fake survival mechanism without seeing that it is fake. he would rather survive (lie to you) than be honest with you about it and "compromise his existence". PIED could serve as big help, too bad he is still stuck with DE. paradoxically those attempts to quit maybe prolonged the suffering but it also may be good if he at least tried to quit (if it was his call).

i would like to see someone else post here with some tips on how to open addicts eyes because i know only PIED could have opened mine.

 

[Emerald Blue]

I have one for you. How about this as a female equivalent of PIED - how women feel when they are being intimate with a porn addict. How creepy it feels. How insecure we feel. Asking ourselves whether he sees the woman he is with or whether he is escaping into porn fantasy. Whether we are being used as a receptacle. A blank screen to project a porn fantasy. To wonder if he's acting out porn moves on our bodies. To ask "Am I here at all?" Or similar thoughts.... and then recoil. Something switches off. Our bodies don't respond. Our instinct is to clam up. And we've lost it. It's gone. And we can't face going through the whole routine again just to end up feeling the same way. There aren't the external signs of PIED but I'm sure the emotions feel the same. Just how do we get over this one?

 

[Steam rolled]

Chicka i had my SO read the mens posts about what porn did and doing to them and how young some of the boys are suffering from it already and know it - tears in his eyes.
Then as he read on he said - he didnt want to read about the guys that keep relapsing it bothered him. So he went to books.

Men currently in the addition i could see as thinking we are just prude wives wah wah, O how
Wrong that is !!! But reading it from men just might be the carrot your looking for.

How you are Getting him here idk, but besides  my SOs hidden porn addiction.
I run the  the show in our lives so when i said heres some head phone sit your sneaky ass down in this chair and watch gabes videos NOW!
He did and it changed his life that very moment!!!!

Or maybe go threw the site find some posts that may strike a nerve and print out and set out for him with a nice little note - read please!!

My so didnt have PIED until over use, lost his hair ( now growing back ) started turning grey ( less grey now ) penis was shrunking ,balls sagging ( all better ) we havent been able to kick his sleeping pill addition - due to being haunted by porn he couldnt sleep ( RARRRR) constant head aches ( gone) and more!
That was my porn users future for what ----a quick hand job While supporting a billion dollar industry of fake drugged up bitchs that dont give 2 fucks about you!! Yippppeee. Lets ruin my life and my wife is basically what one does everytime they watch!