18 - It's time to start

LoneWolf

LoneWolf

Member
Hi. I'm 18 yo and starting with serious no PMO.
I already have tried to do no-fap several times but failed in all attempts because I hasn't any knowledge or support. I discovery YBOP yesterday and decided that it's time to take it serious.
I have never kissed or have any kind of relationship with a girl. My fetiches are starting to get dark and many of them are illegal. I have depression, social anxietry and others mental illness (all of them was self-diagnostic with 99% of sure).

The main problem I'm facing is movies, a lot of them has sexual scenes and sensual women, so I decided to stop watching movies too (even it's a thing I love to do).

I don't know yet if I will fap once a week (since has studies who shows that no fapping after 6 days your testosterone starts decreasing) or if I will stop completely. HELP ME.

I want to start meditating again (after 10 months of meditation everyday I stopped because of the school and never was able to come back, no willpower to come back).
I was thinking of starting to go to gym but there has a lot of sexy womens in legging, so it's better not. So instead I'm thinking in start running and start to go to the gym after a month.

The motivation to start PMO is basicaly 2: improve myself and confront my animal desires to be able to reach my concept of enlightenment (I don't want to stop sex, I just want to be able to control and moderate my desires).
 
B

BetterLife

Member
Welcome.

I am also reading a book on Buddhism that also help me keep things in perspective. Be free from attachment to desires and you will eventually be happy  :)

All the best!
 
LoneWolf

LoneWolf

Member
BetterLife said:
Welcome.

I am also reading a book on Buddhism that also help me keep things in perspective. Be free from attachment to desires and you will eventually be happy  :)

All the best!
Click to expand...
Thank you. Which book are you reading?
Do you meditate?

------------------------------------
So far, so good. Freaking sometimes when is the time I used to fap but holding it.
Didn't notice any improvement yet.
 
LoneWolf

LoneWolf

Member
Relapsed because of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao8L-0nSYzg
With the excuse of that my life should improve first to then stop masturbating.
 
LogReg

LogReg

Member
Sounds like u are mistaken a desire to masturbate, an addiction, for a real sense of actual libido aka sex drive. Staying on masturbating path won't lead u nowhere. It will make miserable and empty. Unlike u, I went straight into flatline on day 3 and stayed there until day 90 something. In my experience porn urges are a lot more easier to fight then flatline, because at least then u feel something plus all that extra energy comes in handy. Don't wait for the gym, start going now, when u will be exhausted u won't feel the need to masturbate. Spend less time at home, cuz being idle during reboot is counter productive and a lot harder to fight the urges.
 
B

BetterLife

Member
Hi, relapse is not failure, keep striving.

I am reading a book called Buddhism and the Path to Nirvana. Its quite good - helps me to stay grounded in tough times. At times its a bit heavy tho, but enjoying it nonetheless. I am not going to find anything in that book that will lead me to PMO for sure lol.

I do try to meditate but most of the time I am unsuccessful. I have made it a habit tho...try for 10 mins every morning just to focus on my eye center and blank out my mind.

I feel just the act of trying to meditate means that the universe hears my call for a peaceful mind and hopefully responds to me.

Stay strong.
 
LoneWolf

LoneWolf

Member
I NEED EXTREME HELP.
I'm fapping since last relapse (January, 21). I can't come back to no-fap. The thing that is killing me is the same nihilist thought "Life is meaningless, F** it all I'll fap, I'll die anyway and all the effort will be nothing". I need help with this thought.
Please, somebody help. Every after-fap I feel extreme headache and a impulse to eat some junk food, a impulse to adquire more dopamine. I need to stop. please somebody help me.
 
J

JL_Rebooter

Member
Hi LoneWolf,

Your opening post on January 19th reminded me of myself when I was around 14-15 (I'm 19 now). The only difference is, you are on this forum talking about it, and I was a million miles away from that - I had no idea that what I was doing would affect me so badly. In other words, I was completely unaware of the damage I was doing to my sex life, and to my brain's reward circuitry in general.

The fact that you know what your problems are, and you understand your own destructive thoughts are a direct result of watching too much porn (!), represents HOPE for you.

The cheap, dopamine high you get from watching porn is just that - meaningless, artificial and extremely damaging to our emotions. You have to believe you are worth so much more than that.
 
LoneWolf

LoneWolf

Member
JL_Rebooter said:
Hi LoneWolf,

Your opening post on January 19th reminded me of myself when I was around 14-15 (I'm 19 now). The only difference is, you are on this forum talking about it, and I was a million miles away from that - I had no idea that what I was doing would affect me so badly. In other words, I was completely unaware of the damage I was doing to my sex life, and to my brain's reward circuitry in general.

The fact that you know what your problems are, and you understand your own destructive thoughts are a direct result of watching too much porn (!), represents HOPE for you.

The cheap, dopamine high you get from watching porn is just that - meaningless, artificial and extremely damaging to our emotions. You have to believe you are worth so much more than that.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for the words, I was needing it. Let's try again.
 
LoneWolf

LoneWolf

Member
I dreamed today that I was masturbating but in the dream I was strong enough to stop. I think that my brain is getting strong.
But I didn't notice any improvement nor flatline symptoms yet. It is normal?
 
LoneWolf

LoneWolf

Member
I noticed that I'm putting little effort in changing my life. I'm focusing only in the "abstinence" of porn and masturbation, which is totally wrong.

To clarify things:

I'll read a ton of contents in YBOP and this forum and after that I'll start to just enter to help other people and att. my journal 1 day per week, maybe. I'll forget about porn, fap and etc.

I see myself in a feel weeks doing what I'm planning to do and making improvements in myself and the things that I'm doing. Doing the 2 courses that I'm planning, yoga, producing things to my blog, exercising, writing my book, reading, starting to learn guitar, producing electronic music, learning latim and coding my store.
In months and years I see myself keeping doing this things and noticing results. Starting to expand my sales, finishing my book, moving, making money with my sales, producing good professional music, no more with addiction, fluent in latim and greek.

I'm starting this now because I sick of my life, I'm 18, will do 19 in august, and all my life was full planning and doing nothing, now is time to change, is time to DO instead of PLANNING, I've already planned everything.
I need to start working on it right now because I have time now, I have time now, I don't want to dig more in the bottom line.

I'm actively committing myself to change and allowing time to change and not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage my commitment to change.

10 Reasons why I will permanently change my life:
1 - I want to be more healthy
2 - I want to conquer the objectives that I want in my life
3 - I want to improve myself
4 - I want to fully focus on my objectives
5 - I want to have peace
6 - I'm sick of my actual self
7 - I want to love myself
8 - I want to be more "normal"
9 - I want to reach my full potential
10 - I want to start to live life
 
Jones

Jones

Active Member
I don't think looking at sexy women will fuck up your reboot as long as it's not on electronic devices, in fact I think it's better to look at them to help rewire your brain to the real thing, so don't let that stop you go out and do your thing at the gym bro.
 
LoneWolf

LoneWolf

Member
Jones said:
I don't think looking at sexy women will fuck up your reboot as long as it's not on electronic devices, in fact I think it's better to look at them to help rewire your brain to the real thing, so don't let that stop you go out and do your thing at the gym bro.
Click to expand...
I've already decided not to go to gym.
I think that there is better things for me than the gym. I'll do just little exercise in the morning, indoors.

But I think that looking at real sexy women is ok since you don't imagine fetish things that you usually used to fap to.
 
LoneWolf

LoneWolf

Member
Looks like I'm starting to face a flatline.
I'm so depressed, thinking about suicide. I'm stressed a lot too. I had depression but I cured with meditation, I still meditate but I'm facing this depression symptoms again. I hope that is from porn addiction recovery, not from depression coming back.
 
H

hextonix

Active Member
Hey man hang in there!  I know exactly what you're going through.  I know it sucks, but just keep it in the back of your mind that a relapse will only make you feel worse.  I was at 18 days of no pmo today, and was so depressed, sad, and bored that I relapsed.  Don't make the same mistake as me man.  You can do this, just focus on the main goal.  I know it's hard to even focus on a goal at this point because eventually you just get to the point where you feel like you don't even care anymore, but from what I read, this mindset is simply a symptom.  You will eventually get past that mind state, and be the happiest you've ever been.  Not to go on a rant, but the other day I was thinking about how my life was when I was little, and it occurred to me that before I started fapping and watching porn, I was really happy and outgoing.  As you can probably assume I'm the opposite of that now.  Meaning that pmo must be to blame.  Stay strong bro and realize that porn is only stealing your time, energy, confidence, happiness.  You got this man!
 
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