Long story short, I'm soon to be 24 years old, I struggled with porn since a young age (probably around 14, although first viewed porn at 10). I used to watch porn for 6 hours a day some times.
I decided to quit about 3 years ago, it took me a year before I felt like I was really ''free'' from the addiction. It was extremely difficult I'm not going to lie.. I spent many nights getting woken up at 2 am or something by my urges and having trouble falling asleep. Anyway, since a year after I quit, I've been cruising.. kind of!
Sometimes I go 6 months before viewing porn again (btw, I never watch videos and never got into the videos, I only look at pictures of nude women). Although for the past year, I've relapsed every few months, some times every few weeks. My relapse, usually consists of looking at pictures for 1 hour or 2 hours then I stop (no videos).
Lately, I've been getting pulled back in a little bit. The crappy part is that I feel very ''off'' and completely disconnected from myself and everything, I feel empty, kind of dead inside, etc. the next couple of days. This happens every single time, without exception.
I relapsed 3 times in the past 2 weeks. I relapsed, went 3 days without, relapsed, 3 days without, relapsed (last night). I know I'm done again for a long time, because I'm starting to feel extra shitty. I really do feel the effects it has on myself personally, I feel completely out of it and unmotivated, down..
The problem is that I struggle with a severe mental illness and I've used porn and other negative habits (I NEVER abused alcohol or any other drugs btw) to cope with it. I can't stand the way I feel when I don't have any escape behaviors, my mind never shuts off.
I've had a history of mental health issues since I was a kid and spent a fair amount of time in a mental hospital a couple of years ago. I'm currently seeing a therapist. I don't know what to do man, it's like no matter what I do I can't escape what I'm feeling except when I numb myself out with hours of porn and isolate myself from the world, yet I hate feeling disconnected from life. It's a lose - lose situation it seems.
I've decided to take the hard road and not escape my emotions. I live every single day in extreme emotional discomfort, in hopes that one day I can fix it.
I generally hate being around people, yet another part of me wants someone around here and there. I hate humanity, yet at the same time, deep down I want to make new friends (I love the ones I have already too). I guess it's because I don't fit in, never have. I was never part of any teams at school, I never participated in class, I always kept to myself except once you get to know me, I open up. I don't feel lonely though that's the thing.. I feel disconnected and out of it, but not lonely.
Anyway I'm going completely off track here!
Gotta keep marching forward I guess..
From a fellow ex-porn addict.
I decided to quit about 3 years ago, it took me a year before I felt like I was really ''free'' from the addiction. It was extremely difficult I'm not going to lie.. I spent many nights getting woken up at 2 am or something by my urges and having trouble falling asleep. Anyway, since a year after I quit, I've been cruising.. kind of!
Sometimes I go 6 months before viewing porn again (btw, I never watch videos and never got into the videos, I only look at pictures of nude women). Although for the past year, I've relapsed every few months, some times every few weeks. My relapse, usually consists of looking at pictures for 1 hour or 2 hours then I stop (no videos).
Lately, I've been getting pulled back in a little bit. The crappy part is that I feel very ''off'' and completely disconnected from myself and everything, I feel empty, kind of dead inside, etc. the next couple of days. This happens every single time, without exception.
I relapsed 3 times in the past 2 weeks. I relapsed, went 3 days without, relapsed, 3 days without, relapsed (last night). I know I'm done again for a long time, because I'm starting to feel extra shitty. I really do feel the effects it has on myself personally, I feel completely out of it and unmotivated, down..
The problem is that I struggle with a severe mental illness and I've used porn and other negative habits (I NEVER abused alcohol or any other drugs btw) to cope with it. I can't stand the way I feel when I don't have any escape behaviors, my mind never shuts off.
I've had a history of mental health issues since I was a kid and spent a fair amount of time in a mental hospital a couple of years ago. I'm currently seeing a therapist. I don't know what to do man, it's like no matter what I do I can't escape what I'm feeling except when I numb myself out with hours of porn and isolate myself from the world, yet I hate feeling disconnected from life. It's a lose - lose situation it seems.
I've decided to take the hard road and not escape my emotions. I live every single day in extreme emotional discomfort, in hopes that one day I can fix it.
I generally hate being around people, yet another part of me wants someone around here and there. I hate humanity, yet at the same time, deep down I want to make new friends (I love the ones I have already too). I guess it's because I don't fit in, never have. I was never part of any teams at school, I never participated in class, I always kept to myself except once you get to know me, I open up. I don't feel lonely though that's the thing.. I feel disconnected and out of it, but not lonely.
Anyway I'm going completely off track here!
Gotta keep marching forward I guess..
From a fellow ex-porn addict.