Porn made me bisexual

[Ontrack Man]

Hello guys, I wanted to talk about this topic that I don't see much about.

I didn't realise how much internet porn was affecting me until after years and years of daily use.  I searched for more intense, forbidden material that would impact me.  A lot of guys say how they escalate to gay porn, and for me it meant being able to watch aggressive material without feeling completely uncomfortable. Of course, I got used to this too and escalated to many types of gay fetishes.

In my real life, I had made a connection thinking real sex had to be similar to pornsex, and the best type of sexual encounters were those who resembled what I saw on screen, if it turned me on.
I started enjoying the attention guys gave me when they flirted with me, fantasising more and more with guys until I acted out, at 29, what I had seen for so long.

I've been with many guys since then, and even dated this one guy for more that two years.  In this way, I have "come out" to friends and family letting them know that I am also interested in men, even though they have always seen me with girlfriends. Now it's really difficult for me to have sex with a woman, it doesn't seem arousing enough. I've lost interest. Of course I have PIED with women, and sometimes with guys as well.

I've been controlling my porn use fairly well for the last months, I've only relapsed a couple of times and I can achieve long streaks. The more  I heal the more interest I develop in women, lately I've started to feel attraction to women again.  I feel as if i've crossed a "certain line", and I will never stop losing interest in guys, although I don't think I could be happy in a long term relationship with one, I feel guys will continue to be a huge turn on for me.


This week I made out with a girl and we were getting to know each other and I told her naturally about my relationship with guys, and she said "Oh, OK, so you're bisexual".  I don't usually consider myself  bisexual, but I guess that would be an accurate description.


I just wanted to share that with everybody, that's my experience, it would be great to read yours as well.  Take care,


OT

 

[sirfapalot2]

Whoa this is the first i've seen that the novelty of porn has actually made someone escalate to being bisexual. Ironically, the polar opposite of porn, all of the novelty and freedom to the most attractive women in the world, would be to stick someone in prison. And that also draws out urges of desperation for straight men to have sex with other men!

Thanks for sharing dude!

 

[Pisces21]

Sir, you are a CHAMPION for sharing this story with us ! This is something i've been trying to communicate to people in various porn addiction communities for the longest!

You probabaly didn't mention it but you likely at some point went through an HOCD of sorts?

what happens is that when guys do escalate to gay porn tastes, whether they're telling the truth or not we won't know, say that they don't like guys in real life- but just in the porn. I rarely hear about other guys saying it plants seeds in their minds of wanting to actually act out with other guys in real life but my theory is that it happens more often then we think, but due to the shame and homophobia , it's often omitted or not shared as much. But it's also jsut the idea that the gay rights activist community will close-mindedly label them as closeted homosexuals/latent homosexual/closeted bisexual that may also prevent guys from wanting to share.

What NEVER makes sense to me  is how guys escalate to gay porn , but supposedly have no interest in doing these acts in real life or aren't attracted to guys in real life , even prior to rebooting... YET guys who escalate to tranny porn , it seems the degree to which they are actually attracted or interested in doing something w/ a tranny in real life is higher or reported more often on YBOP, NoFap reddit, here on reboot nation and other forums.

My point is that NEITHER the tranny NOR the gay porn are reflective of their true sexualities, but more guys need to be honest about how when they are escalating to gay porn that it affects how they see guys in real life.

I'll be PMing you dude

 

[Ontrack Man]

Hey guys, thank for your points of view, I think it is important that we talk more about this, and for me it really helps to connect with other guys that have been going through similar experiences.

The thing with guys in prison is that they don't have any other outlet for sexual encounters, so they do gay acts but don't feel gay at all. When they leave prison they're back to being straight and it's not difficult to them because they have not been conditioned to high-speed internet porn, the reward circuit does not go ballistic and there is no dopamine/epinephrine rush at high levels, and they are not searching for novelty, just a sexual release.

For me, I was constantly searching for novelty, in a way I feel I have even been addicted to sex, meeting guys for anonymous, meaningless sex that made me feel empty afterwards. I have even had sexual encounters when I didn't want to, even after I tried not to go on, so I guess technically I've been raped.  It's just that I was searching for orgasm in whatever way, trying to re-enact (gay) porn scenes.
Where I live being gay is accepted and not a big deal, so it's easy to meet guys for hookups.

I failed to mention HOCD because I didn't want to make my post too long, but yes, of course I've struggled with it and still do.  I've been bullied for years as a kid, being called a "girl" and a "faggot" because I was a bit more sensitive than other guys and not that into doing what other guys were into to act out their masculinity.  I guess that through gay porn I could relate to tough guys being aggressive, showing power; and with gay guys I always felt more masculine and "straight" than them.


Anyway, it's great to be able to share my story and get my ideas sorted out.  It would be awesome if it helped anyone else. 

Take care of yourselves, guys !


OTM

 

[M1010]

Man. It seems like you broke the ice with this topic haha. Great post! And thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts.
Stay strong

 

[fnatk]

Hey Ontrack Man, my story is almost the same as yours. I still view myself as straight, I don't want to kiss, cuddle or have a relationship with a man and before my porn use increased I could never have imagined being attracted to men or transsexuals in any way.

But as my porn use escalated heavily into transsexual porn it made me seek out transsexual partners and I met 3 in total, I also started seeking out men because my obsession with penises became a reality after that much transsexual porn. I've met 3 men in total, one I met more than once and it was always about fulfilling my porn fantasies and mostly I just felt let down that the reality wasn't as good as the fantasy when I met with men; I regretted my actions afterwards. With women and transsexuals I've never had that feeling.

I could look at transsexuals dicks for hours online, sometimes I'd switch to gay porn when I couldn't find the right "one", much like how I earlier searched for the "perfect pussy" or "perfect pair of tits" (And I still do) to get off. You know that feeling when you have found the perfect scene or picture to push you over the edge, I was constantly looking for that.

I'm still battling this today, until I can get control over this addiction rather than let it control me, I'll have to keep battling it. Maybe I'm a bit bisexual, or sexually bisexual, or somewhere in between. All I know is that I don't have to label myself, it really doesn't matter. What matters is that I stop using porn and come to terms with what I've done in the past, accept it and move on with my life. I know deep down that I'm attracted to women first and foremost, porn changed that. Getting rid of porn in my life might not take the bisexual urges I have away but if that happens I'll deal with it then.

 

[Ontrack Man]

Hey guys, sorry it's taken me a while to respond.

Your input is vey appreciated fnatk, I for one feel that inside the Porn addiction community guys that have developed an interest in other men feel somewhat alone and have certain difficulties finding with whom to relate to.

Things I've learned so far:

1) No can can label us, sexuality is fluid, and personal, and does not depend on actions or thoughts. Just on what we feel is right. Not even we can label ourselves, because we are addicts and this conditions us. When we get rid of that, we might have some criteria to choose our sexuality.

2) Searching for novelty, is part of the addiction. Searching for "the perfect scene" is part of what define us as addicts. It is just our junkie brain wanting a high.

3) It gets easier and easier to control our urges with time. We have to be patient, and keep our goals in mind.

4) Reading success stories helps a lot.  Educating ourselves on how the reward circuit works and the biology behind addiction also helps.

5) We cannot judge our actions of the past. We did what we thought was best in those circumstances, and didn't know any better. As we heal, we will make wiser and wiser (and more difficult) decisions.

6) It really helps to write your story and daily struggles and helps others to read them.

 

[Ontrack Man]

Hi Everyone;

I got a private message from someone who read my story; and that has made me come back here and re-read all of this.  It's good to refresh my memory of where i've been and where I'm now, going out with a girls I'm in love with but still struggling with some sexual issues. And where I want to be: self-acceptance is the key.  It was great to read the other stories as well.

I'll update soon.  Cheers

 

[M@jor]

Merci les gars pour les messages ci-dessus, je m'identifie vraiment à certains égards, mais je dois prendre des mesures sérieuses et prendre des décisions pour changer. Je sais que j'aime les filles mais ce n'est que lorsque je suis excitée que j'ai des pensées étranges pour d'autres hommes comme moi.

Thank for success stories