Gabriel1960
Active Member
Worth it.
My Journal: The Neuro-Chemical Autopilot
- Thread starter Gabriel1960
- Start date
Gabriel1960
Active Member
It's great to know that I'm not alone.
Firstbigstep
Active Member
You definitely are not alone - there's a lot of fellow sufferers and rebooters out here!
Well done on your achievements
Well done on your achievements
Gabriel1960
Active Member
A new focus of my porn recovery is finding new activities to at least replace what PMO used to provide me. The new activities need to at least provide me with exactly the same level of stimulus response that PMO used to provide, or better. These activities are out there. I just need to find them all.
I need to create a list. Wish me luck!
I need to create a list. Wish me luck!
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
That's the key, isn't it? Once you've fought through the early stages, it's about enriching your life with enough healthy stimuli to avoid leaving an unhealthy vacuum for your PMO to sneak back into. Skydiving... Leaf pressing... Playing the harp... Sculpting... whatever floats your boat!
Firstbigstep
Active Member
Totally on the money!
I suddenly realised how many hours, days, weeks, months and probably years of my life I'd spent on porn. WHAT A WASTE!
Still, through another RN member, I was introduced to the Buddhist concept of being shot by the second arrow. There is no point in giving myself a hard time for what is past - I just need to excercise enough self control to not repeat those mistakes.
I'm trying to deal with some health issues at present, I feel very old as I need to address vision, hearing, perpetual backache and hip joint pain. With all that going on, I can't read , listening to music is reduced and running is currently a painful process. Not sure what else I fancy at present!
But I have a quiet week on the horizon, so I hope to get some of this sorted out - I really enjoyed doing a few 5k Saturday morning runs and I'd like to get back into some veg growing. Bring it on...
Thanks for your inspiration and for sharing - I'm constantly amazed by the commonality of experience this site shows.
I suddenly realised how many hours, days, weeks, months and probably years of my life I'd spent on porn. WHAT A WASTE!
Still, through another RN member, I was introduced to the Buddhist concept of being shot by the second arrow. There is no point in giving myself a hard time for what is past - I just need to excercise enough self control to not repeat those mistakes.
I'm trying to deal with some health issues at present, I feel very old as I need to address vision, hearing, perpetual backache and hip joint pain. With all that going on, I can't read , listening to music is reduced and running is currently a painful process. Not sure what else I fancy at present!
But I have a quiet week on the horizon, so I hope to get some of this sorted out - I really enjoyed doing a few 5k Saturday morning runs and I'd like to get back into some veg growing. Bring it on...
Thanks for your inspiration and for sharing - I'm constantly amazed by the commonality of experience this site shows.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
Alcohol - Nineteen years
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - one year!!!
Rage - two weeks
Porn - a week
Reddit.com - a week
PMO - 13 months
Read my YBOP today.
Today my appetite for porn is a call for more exercise.
Love to all.
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - one year!!!
Rage - two weeks
Porn - a week
Reddit.com - a week
PMO - 13 months
Read my YBOP today.
Today my appetite for porn is a call for more exercise.
Love to all.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
Taking the harm reduction approach now, which is working very well!
Alcohol - Twenty years
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - One year
Rage - three months
Porn - two days
YouTube - two weeks
Reddit.com - zero days
PMO - one year
I need and want to be at the gym every day. Easier said than done.
Love to all.
Alcohol - Twenty years
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - One year
Rage - three months
Porn - two days
YouTube - two weeks
Reddit.com - zero days
PMO - one year
I need and want to be at the gym every day. Easier said than done.
Love to all.
guyinsideout
Member
Read much of your journal today, thanks for the inspiration Gabriel. Just starting my recovery, gain hope from the experiences shared on this forum. Fascinating how similar everyone's road to get here is.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
Alcohol - Twenty years
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - One year
Rage - three months
Porn - two days
YouTube - two weeks
Reddit.com - zero days
PMO - over one year
I've been working my ass off on releasing this porn thing, and I'm getting pretty close.
This week I've come to terms with the reality that I've got an emotional attachment (call it an "addiction" if you will) to self disgust. I've come to learn to enjoy and even find comfort in the self disgust provided by porn. That's a surprise, and not a place where I want to be today. It's good to know this.
Secondly, I've listed many, many reasons to step away from porn, but the only one I can find that is sufficiently compelling for me to end porn use, is the emotional distress I always experience during and after using it. That, for me, is a compelling reason to quit. I might be stressed, or distressed, before choosing to use porn, but I'm *definitely* emotionally distressed during and after using it.
The porn-induced emotional distress is real, tangible, and even measureable. It's worth it for me to give up the emotional distress that porn always gives rise to.
Love to all.
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - One year
Rage - three months
Porn - two days
YouTube - two weeks
Reddit.com - zero days
PMO - over one year
I've been working my ass off on releasing this porn thing, and I'm getting pretty close.
This week I've come to terms with the reality that I've got an emotional attachment (call it an "addiction" if you will) to self disgust. I've come to learn to enjoy and even find comfort in the self disgust provided by porn. That's a surprise, and not a place where I want to be today. It's good to know this.
Secondly, I've listed many, many reasons to step away from porn, but the only one I can find that is sufficiently compelling for me to end porn use, is the emotional distress I always experience during and after using it. That, for me, is a compelling reason to quit. I might be stressed, or distressed, before choosing to use porn, but I'm *definitely* emotionally distressed during and after using it.
The porn-induced emotional distress is real, tangible, and even measureable. It's worth it for me to give up the emotional distress that porn always gives rise to.
Love to all.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
My focus is (what in AA they call) "emotional sobriety."
Porn for me is an emotional relapse, only 100% of the time. PMO, or no PMO.
Today my focus is emotional sobriety, which necessarily means living porn free.
Porn for me is an emotional relapse, only 100% of the time. PMO, or no PMO.
Today my focus is emotional sobriety, which necessarily means living porn free.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
Alcohol - Twenty years
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - One year
Rage - three months
Porn - a week, since April 30th
YouTube - a day
Reddit.com - zero days
PMO - over one year
I'm kind of free-falling with YouTube and Reddit, but I'm so pleased with being released from porn, that I'm not worrying about it.
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - One year
Rage - three months
Porn - a week, since April 30th
YouTube - a day
Reddit.com - zero days
PMO - over one year
I'm kind of free-falling with YouTube and Reddit, but I'm so pleased with being released from porn, that I'm not worrying about it.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Gabriel1960 said:
Ditto that attachment, Gabe. Thanks for sharing. My deepest seated addiction is to self-loathing. I've come up with any number of new and creative ways to be disgusted with myself. Some sort of twisted logic that if I'm already disgusted with myself.... then it won't hurt when somebody else says they're disgusted with me. Makes perfect sense to me ;D
Thankfully, I'm slowly managing to drag that anchor. Making some progress away from it. Slow and imperfect progress it is.... but the longer I maintain my own version of "emotional sobriety".... the more balanced a self-view I have.
Wishing you every strength in kicking that porn attachment. Serenity, Courage, Wisdom and all that.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
Ditto W-I-P.
Alcohol - Twenty years
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - One year
Rage - three months
Porn - two weeks
YouTube - zero days
Reddit.com - zero days
PMO - over one year
My next frontier is abstaining from intense emotions and, separately, solo internet use (except for work or health related blogs, like this one). That includes news media sites. Woo-hoo! I'll return to them someday down the road, but for now, it's abstinence from strong emotions, and internet media abstinence, time.
This will *definitely* make my life fuller and more joyful, and less isolated!! Hooray!
Alcohol - Twenty years
Credit cards - nine years
Social media - five years
Gambling - one year
Sugar - One year
Rage - three months
Porn - two weeks
YouTube - zero days
Reddit.com - zero days
PMO - over one year
My next frontier is abstaining from intense emotions and, separately, solo internet use (except for work or health related blogs, like this one). That includes news media sites. Woo-hoo! I'll return to them someday down the road, but for now, it's abstinence from strong emotions, and internet media abstinence, time.
This will *definitely* make my life fuller and more joyful, and less isolated!! Hooray!
Gabriel1960
Active Member
Porn - over three weeks
YouTube - week and a half
Reddit.com - week and a half
PMO - over one year
Finding myself reading a lot more. That's awesome.
YouTube - week and a half
Reddit.com - week and a half
PMO - over one year
Finding myself reading a lot more. That's awesome.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
Porn - over a month.
Remaining off of the media sites. Find myself better at taking care of personal and financial tasks, as a result.
Remaining off of the media sites. Find myself better at taking care of personal and financial tasks, as a result.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
I've used porn in the past to help smooth out my emotions. Now that I'm not using porn, I have to deal with these strong emotional outbursts. That's my new frontier.
My last emotional outburst was on 6/7/17. I'd like to get some abstinence together in that area.
My last emotional outburst was on 6/7/17. I'd like to get some abstinence together in that area.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
I now have 21 days off PMO.
I visited my 92 year old excuse for a father (Jerry) about 21 days ago, and he was his usual upsetting, annoying self. I got so upset, that I turned to sugar, and then to PMO, is calm down. It did calm me down. Now I have 21 days off sugar and PMO.
It's been suggested that I exclude Jerry from my life. I'm heading in that direction.
I need to make my mental and emotional health my supreme goal. Need to let them (Jerry and another relative) know that I need to remove myself from the situation to maintain my own sanity......for health reasons.
I visited my 92 year old excuse for a father (Jerry) about 21 days ago, and he was his usual upsetting, annoying self. I got so upset, that I turned to sugar, and then to PMO, is calm down. It did calm me down. Now I have 21 days off sugar and PMO.
It's been suggested that I exclude Jerry from my life. I'm heading in that direction.
I need to make my mental and emotional health my supreme goal. Need to let them (Jerry and another relative) know that I need to remove myself from the situation to maintain my own sanity......for health reasons.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
Having some trouble with the counter.
I have 43 days today. Really pleased with my progress!
Love to all.
I have 43 days today. Really pleased with my progress!
Love to all.