It's Time!
- Thread starter Free2014
- Start date
Free2014
Member
I've been addicted to pornography since I was 11. I am 54 in a few weeks. I used heavily the first part of my life, and as an escape the second part, and on and off the last 5 years. I'm tired of it. I'm frustrated and hurt by it. I'm on the worship team at church, there is a wonderful lady I'm dating on an exclusive regular basis, and I have a good job. I am not making love with my lady friend as we both believe in waiting. My periods of restraint have been when I was married (now divorced). I was on ybr but stopped posting there when I started binging again. I decided to come here and start over again. I have goals (which I will post in time). There are many things right in my life, and because I care about that I have decided to take the harder, but better path. I need your help. I believe in the Lord, and it hurts sometimes to realize the depth of my humanity. I almost used again, but I came here last night. My first step. I need an accountability partner if anyone is interested.
savingmysoul
Active Member
Welcome to the Nation,
Its a great first step.
We are all here to help and support.
find your strength.
Its a great first step.
We are all here to help and support.
find your strength.
Free2014
Member
Thank you savingmysoul. I really appreciate your kind words. 
It really was a tough day, but I handled it. I just finished alimony payments (praise God). I saw my ex in a brand new car leaving the place where I work and I let it get to me for a bit, but I snapped out of it and decided that I really needed to forgive. I realized that although I thought I had forgiven my ex, there is still some residual anger there. I'm letting it go though, life is just too short. Why not go the whole way and be happy for her, she did need a new car... *sigh* At work someone was seriously injured, and that was not easy to deal with either. It got better after that though. I got a good workout in after work. I've been praying about my issues with P, and it has been helping me to see a little more clearly. There are so many wonderful things about this life, and I don't want to miss any of it! P is not on my good list. It does try to imposter it's ugly self there, but deep in my heart I know it doesn't belong there. I don't belong with any attachment to P either.
It really was a tough day, but I handled it. I just finished alimony payments (praise God). I saw my ex in a brand new car leaving the place where I work and I let it get to me for a bit, but I snapped out of it and decided that I really needed to forgive. I realized that although I thought I had forgiven my ex, there is still some residual anger there. I'm letting it go though, life is just too short. Why not go the whole way and be happy for her, she did need a new car... *sigh* At work someone was seriously injured, and that was not easy to deal with either. It got better after that though. I got a good workout in after work. I've been praying about my issues with P, and it has been helping me to see a little more clearly. There are so many wonderful things about this life, and I don't want to miss any of it! P is not on my good list. It does try to imposter it's ugly self there, but deep in my heart I know it doesn't belong there. I don't belong with any attachment to P either.
Free2014
Member
I'm going to have to keep viligant. I don't have a desire to look at P, that has really subsided. That means I can start thinking that I can be careless about my computer use, which leads to P. I put that tricky trigger out there in this forum because I am wondering if anyone else does the same thing.
I think it is important for us to remember that none of the time we have spent away from porn is a waste, even if we relapse. It DOES get easier. I really finally get this, and I encourage everyone to remember the times when you didn't use porn and felt great about it. One mistake does not equate to a need to binge. It's an opportunity to learn and get stronger. Hang tough guys, we can do it.
I think it is important for us to remember that none of the time we have spent away from porn is a waste, even if we relapse. It DOES get easier. I really finally get this, and I encourage everyone to remember the times when you didn't use porn and felt great about it. One mistake does not equate to a need to binge. It's an opportunity to learn and get stronger. Hang tough guys, we can do it.
WiP
Member
Glad you found us. I'm about the same age and have been stuck in the addiction most my life. Here you will find a great group of guys looking to help and share their experience and support. The last hundred days or so been really good for me I am enjoying and thanking God for putting my PMO life behind me. With all humility I also realize that I am only 1 bad day away from my old life, so I try to get back here often and read and learn and relate as well as get on my knees with gratitude and prayer.
Free2014
Member
Thank you for your reply WiP. Congratulations on making it past 100 days. You are right about how easy it is to get hooked back into it. I had about a year in a half porn free. Now I'm here. I think what has helped me the most is just keeping everything right with the Lord, accountabilty, and forcing myself to be social.
thenyteowl
Member
Glad to see you here taking on the challenge. Definitely let's be accountability partners. I normally post about 2 - 3 times a week. Sometimes more.
What is your goal (how many days to you want to stay PMO free)?
What have you found to be some of your triggers to getting into PMO?
What are some of your strategies for staying PMO free?
What are you grateful for today?
What is your goal (how many days to you want to stay PMO free)?
What have you found to be some of your triggers to getting into PMO?
What are some of your strategies for staying PMO free?
What are you grateful for today?
Free2014
Member
Goal: 30 days, then update from therethenyteowl said:
Triggers: Hurt Angry Lonely Tired (HALT) Wasting time, not being social, getting down on myself, not spending time in the Bible/prayer/ devotions, not removing computer from room when tempted.
Strategies: Put the computer out in the common area (not allowed on a permanent basis), Go out to Denny's or just get out of the house (bring some devotional or personal improvement stuff), Read something uplifting, pray, go excersize, call someone, get on this board
Grateful for: accountability partner
. Safe place to live, good job, lovely lady in my life, God's goodness and faithfulness, music, nature, alimony finished,
Free2014
Member
I've have been so horny that it is driving me nuts. Yes I've been tempted, but so far so good. I notice one thing that's good, I really want to be with a woman more than I do porn. Neither is a good idea at this point, but it does encourage me to see what I truly want when I feel this way. I can see past that and say that this drive was meant to be a small part of what I truly want, and that is a fulfilling life that may include a wonderful wife.
I'm telling you guys, I so admire this lady that I am dating. She has a big heart, and her children love her and she them. She makes a difference with social causes, and she is a kind of defender of the weak. It so is in line with my own values. I have started to have feelings for her in a deeper way...
The intervention that helped me this time was prayer. I just felt so valued by the Lord as I prayed, it was almost like He was telling me that it will pass and just to stay strong. Like He had His arms around me like I was a child, and He the Father. Amazing.
I'm telling you guys, I so admire this lady that I am dating. She has a big heart, and her children love her and she them. She makes a difference with social causes, and she is a kind of defender of the weak. It so is in line with my own values. I have started to have feelings for her in a deeper way...
The intervention that helped me this time was prayer. I just felt so valued by the Lord as I prayed, it was almost like He was telling me that it will pass and just to stay strong. Like He had His arms around me like I was a child, and He the Father. Amazing.
thenyteowl
Member
Good stuff. You are on your way.
When I ask about triggers I mean how specific can you be. It may be a good idea to track it on a spread sheet for about a week or so. In otherwords
What time of day
What are you doing at the time when you feel the impulse
With who
What were you feeling
What thoughts do you have when you feel the impulse
Tracking this stuff helps because when you boil it down to the specifics you can create counter measures.
For me it's usually right before I hop in the shower in the morning, or right before I go to bed at night, or sometime during my off day when I'm doing nothing around the house. I always say to myself "let's just get this one quick one in." I normally feel horny right before and at times depleted afterward. The biggest commonality is the thought I have though. Every time. So I know that when I think that I have to realize that I have reasons for abstaining, and that there are some consequences to PMO. That's what I start to focus on. So far so good.
When I ask about triggers I mean how specific can you be. It may be a good idea to track it on a spread sheet for about a week or so. In otherwords
What time of day
What are you doing at the time when you feel the impulse
With who
What were you feeling
What thoughts do you have when you feel the impulse
Tracking this stuff helps because when you boil it down to the specifics you can create counter measures.
For me it's usually right before I hop in the shower in the morning, or right before I go to bed at night, or sometime during my off day when I'm doing nothing around the house. I always say to myself "let's just get this one quick one in." I normally feel horny right before and at times depleted afterward. The biggest commonality is the thought I have though. Every time. So I know that when I think that I have to realize that I have reasons for abstaining, and that there are some consequences to PMO. That's what I start to focus on. So far so good.
Free2014
Member
TheNyteOwl
A more detailed look at my triggers would be when I am alone in my room, especially at night, especially when I am HALT. As far as who, that would be alone. If I am up and around or have a purpose then I do much better. So not moping/wasting time/thinking in a downcast way are critical for me. Having a purpose - hmmm, as I typed that out I realized that there is some wisdom there. It's when I am not focused, or have let my focus be something other than what is good, that I am in trouble. Letness sadness/lonliness take hold in my heart, thinking too long on sexual things, or being really tired but can't sleep (and therefore the justification that release would help me sleep) are all triggers.
Thanks for the input. It was very helpful. 17 days for you. Keep it up!
A more detailed look at my triggers would be when I am alone in my room, especially at night, especially when I am HALT. As far as who, that would be alone. If I am up and around or have a purpose then I do much better. So not moping/wasting time/thinking in a downcast way are critical for me.
Having a purpose - hmmm, as I typed that out I realized that there is some wisdom there. It's when I am not focused, or have let my focus be something other than what is good, that I am in trouble. Letness sadness/lonliness take hold in my heart, thinking too long on sexual things, or being really tired but can't sleep (and therefore the justification that release would help me sleep) are all triggers.Thanks for the input. It was very helpful. 17 days for you. Keep it up!
thenyteowl
Member
Free2014 said:TheNyteOwl
A more detailed look at my triggers would be when I am alone in my room, especially at night, especially when I am HALT. As far as who, that would be alone. If I am up and around or have a purpose then I do much better. So not moping/wasting time/thinking in a downcast way are critical for me.
Thanks for the input. It was very helpful. 17 days for you. Keep it up!
Thanks. It's now 20 days. Wow. Time sure flies. Which brings me to my point - the one that you made. I also notice that when I stuff to do and focus on I loose a sense of time and it just flies past. I guess that's one of the secrets. Pursue some of your goals and get into it. You'll look up and 30 days (90 days in my case) will have passed in no time.
thenyteowl
Member
How is your challenge coming along? I see that you haven't posted in a while.
savingmysoul
Active Member
Hello my friend,
How goes the battle?
Hope all is ok - we are here for you.
How goes the battle?
Hope all is ok - we are here for you.