Rebooting anew for good

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Maxime

Active Member
Hello everyone!
I have a terrible history with porn, like a lot of people here. Back in February of 2015 I started a reboot after reaching the life-scaring limp penis next to my naked girlfriend. I had been lying to myself all along, making excuses all the time as to why I wasn't hard in a context or another; ''we had sex yesterday'' ''PMO'ed this morning'', ''stressed'' and whatnot.
Anyway, the reboot went great for a few months until I got into a Psub spiral mid summer and since then, it's been hell.
Lying about my increasing porn use and back into some intense stuff (for me at least).

So, here I am, more than a year after my initial reboot, 30 years old, ready to put an end to this madness.
I decided to come back here as I know it helped me a bunch last time, and I falthered when I stopped posting regularly.
I also feel more in control of myself.

I'll also get back to reading and replying to others' journals. Hopefully we can all chase away this bad presence in our lives.
 
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need2breakfree

Member
Hats off to you for coming back. I'm in the same boat. My personal best was 57 days.  Never made it through the entire reboot process but I am going to this time.  My wife said something to me the other day that stuck with me. "When we were little kids and we fell down, we just got back up and kept going.  We didn't have a choice to not get back up, that wasn't even a thought that entered our mind, we just got back up".  We should all have this mentality.  Staying down is not an option.
 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Thanks! I'll make sure to go and watch your progress!
It's a wise and helpful thought that your wife shared with you! Thanks!
 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Day 7 Morning

Had a really great weekend with my girlfriend, we had fun together, and I'm happy to be able to join in when she feels like it, and even initiate an intimate moment.
These last months I was always scared I wouldn't get hard enough because of my last edging session, still had images in my head, and was terribly stressed she'd find out I messed up.
And whenever I did edge and would still be fine for sex with her, I'd feel good about it and thought it was all OK after all.
But it's wrong!
I'm super good right now, and I'll do what it takes to keep it that way.
Keeping healthy life habits, namely early bed, eating healthy, not gaming too much, and rewarding myself for life's little victories.
 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Day 9 Evening

Girlfriend is away for part of the evening. Getting some light urges, and it's difficult. I'm keeping my eyes on my objectives, though!
 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Day 11 Morning

Had a fight and a very emotional night with my girlfriend, and it has affected me a lot. I have the day off today, while she doesn't, and I'm anxious, and not feeling very well. I'm hoping I can go through this day without relapsing.
 
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Achiever@32

Member
Hey Max,

I read your post. Hope you are doing well? What are you doing for the day? What are your plans? With me this is a problem. A day off and I am boom boom with P. From now on I plan to put a structure in place. Not going to stay at home alone is going to be my mantra.

Keep sharing. Thanks.
 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Hi Achiever!
Thanks for posting. I had a small accident but I think I managed to shake myself off of it.
We're moving a piece of furniture in the apartment today, and the logistics of it are complicated, and it's been stressing me out.
Seeing a friend also, before and after we move the thing. But before I have to do some chores. Hopefully I can concentrate on that.
Thanks again.
 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Ok, well, failed on day 14. I didn't O, but it was pretty bad and I'll be ruining my week if I keep this up.
This is harder than the first time P:(
 
A

Achiever@32

Member
Hi Max,

Read your post. Don't feel bad about what happened.

Can you identify the trigger? Can you fix it so that it does not happen again.

To be honest, even I could have ruined my reboot today morning. I came back today to the city where I do job and live alone, after spending 4 days with my family. It was only 5 minutes for me in my home, I went to washroom to get freshen up and also took my mobile there. Sitting on the pot I was surfing internet on mobile (as I am used to), I almost opened a blog which I used to read (it relates to porn fantasy) to check updates, however closed it soon enough after finding no update and also listening to a lot of chatter in my mind not to do it. I just saved. I have now decided never to take mobile to the loo. This was a trigger for me. Thank GOD.

Anyways, go check your triggers and fix them.

And keep trucking. This is not the end of the world. Thanks.
 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Thanks Achiever!
I'm not sure what my trigger was. I think mostly I was tired. Meant to go to the gym this morning before work, but was too tired. I kinda remember telling myself "going to work this early would be useless" and then went on the computer.
I remember thinking I shouldn't do it, but somehow I did it anyway. I managed to go 100+ days (don't remember exactly) before. I know I can do it.
 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Day 1, Morning

Yesterday went by pretty well. Everything was good at work, and then managed to have some intimacy with my girlfriend when back. Wasn't very long because of the morning's excess, but a good moment nonetheless. Went to bed way too late, but at least she doesn't work this morning, so I'm safe for today.
Going back to the gym today, and doing what I can to lead a better, more organized life.
 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Day 2, Morning

Things are going ok so far, although yesterday I almost had a Psub accident. But I think I'll be OK. Went to the gym yesterday and just now, this morning.
I realize I'm not as confident as I'd hoped. Maybe I'm still a bit fragile.

 
M

Maxime

Active Member
Day 8, Evening

Been a while since I posted.
So, everything is going pretty well as of now.
I've had some weird events happening.
For example, a few nights ago I got super happy about something totally unrelated, and maybe it was the late hour (2am) but I got the sudden need to masturbate. Going to bed late is usually some kind of trigger, but usually mixed with guilt of some sort. This time, I was happy.
Nothing happened, but it was still weird.
Happily surprised to be on day 8!
 
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need2breakfree

Member
Great job fighting off the urge!  Each time you do that you're rewiring the brain and getting stronger.  Stay on the path and it will get better each day.  Great work!
 
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