321 Connect

[hans32]

I'm doing good and I feel good and I'm relaxed and that feeling peaceful and they're not as worried and I don't feel guilt-ridden and it's because I'm not using p*** and I'm not staying up all night and agonizing and suffering and feeling s***** instead im enjoying people places and things going to lots of recovery meetings and feeling grateful

 

[tomanywanks]

Crazy how the changes really are there,  for the first time I can remeber I actually enjoy the company of others and I seek it out, whereas most of my life I avoided people because either I had no interest in connecting or i was just too damed nervous. I dont have nerves around people any more.

 

[hans32]

Progress not perfection, isn't that what they say? I'm way out of perfect, progress feels unusual. Clocks reset.  I've had a break, but oddly I don't feel like an ass.  I feel human!

 

[harry]

Hang in there, Human!

 

[hans32]

Im considering joining an online recovery group Called PORNADDICTSANONYMOUS

 

[Nobby]

I belong to the PAA site, I've been sorely disappointed at the lack of posts there (difficult to navigate as well.  Still, worth a try! Isn't everything related to recovery!

 

[hans32]

Thanks Nobby, I was wondering how they fared.  I was accepted onto PAA, did you know that they conduct a tele/comp meeting every Sunday where you can join and talk?

 

[hans32]

Another day of showing up, another day of checking in here.  I want to remain connected to this community, I realize I have a cycle, long standing, where I arive and pull away, invest then disappear.  I have an approach and withdrawal dance that I'm certain others can relate to-
When it comes to porn addiction or compulsive acting out I think most of my acting out happens in the withdrawal phase of this dance. 
Perhaps staying connected to recovery is difficult or frightening somehow-  I have a few connections here, read posts, but  actually only know one guy on here personally.  Knowing at least one other person real-time has been really helpful to this process of recovery. 
Its not easy to give up porn, especially the excitement.  I like the excitement of pouring through others profiles, I think Im a voyeur in many ways, one would be the man on the other side of the screen looking at others having sex, being sexual or taking risks sexually that I fear to take, maybe I actually would never take because that would deflate the excitement.  Watching someone else take risks and post shit that is in many arena's reprehensible, morally indefensible, maybe even illegal in some places, arrouses the risk and excitement aspect of this addiction/compulsion. 
Im looking to be more truthful about what it is I do that brings me to reboot-nation.  I would love to get to know some of you better.
OH and my profile ID is Hans32, but actually my name is John, Hans was my father's name, Johannes actually and Ive used his name as my pseudonym online for years.  Hows that for yet another veil removed?  Have any of you ever created a false online persona?

 

[lyon03]

Thanks for posting John. You mentioned www.pornaddictsanonymous.org in a previous post. It's also called PAA. I too am a member of PAA and post there regularly. While the website is less organized than this site, I find it helpful to participate in their weekly phone-in meetings (Thursdays and Sundays), work the 12 steps, and chat regularly with a sponsor or sobriety partner. The Reboot Nation website is an excellent resource but I found that I needed more than just posting here or encouraging others to overcome my 20+ year porn addiction. I needed steps, a sponsor, and weekly meetings in addition to posting here to beat my porn addiction. Be well my friend. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. 

 

[hans32]

Hey Lyon, Thanks. Yes PAA I signed up but hav'nt utilized the meetings yet.  How do you dind them?

 

[hans32]

Still Alive andf Kicking-did some more research, nothings changed except the speed in wich I can destroy my well-being, the same insanity, the same doubt, the same lack of sleep.  Glad to be back.  If this were heroine, i'd be the homeless guy passed ot on the sidewalk with a needle in my arm.

 

[hans32]

Any feedback?  I started praying daily, giving thanks for my recovery.  Oddly I was able to give up flour and sugar, 25lbs lighter, now I am in recovery for food.  The strange and happy report here is that Im down to something like 99% less sexual obsession, the insidious desire is much less, the midnight raids that leave me exhausted and self hatinghave vanished, the picture hoalding, the constant anxiety about legality; its so much reduced that Im wondering how can recovery in one area of my life has such an impact on another?  I do beleive that we all operate as an organic whiole, so any health should impact the entire system... Any Thoughts?  :

 

[malando]

Any feedback?  I started praying daily, giving thanks for my recovery.  Oddly I was able to give up flour and sugar, 25lbs lighter, now I am in recovery for food.  The strange and happy report here is that Im down to something like 99% less sexual obsession, the insidious desire is much less, the midnight raids that leave me exhausted and self hatinghave vanished, the picture hoalding, the constant anxiety about legality; its so much reduced that Im wondering how can recovery in one area of my life has such an impact on another?  I do beleive that we all operate as an organic whiole, so any health should impact the entire system... Any Thoughts?  :

Hi Hans, I'm simultaneously giving up sugar and P. I don't know if it's harder to kick two addictions at once, but it seemed illogical to clean myself up in one area and allow myself to fester in another. So, I'm doing both. I too am hoping that taking positive strides in all aspects of my life will strengthen me as a whole and help me kick all of my and habits. So I agree with what you are doing. Best of luck with it.

 

[hans32]

Thanks for your feedback it's nice that there are people walking in a similar path as myself I hope that you are efforts to surrender your sugar and corn have been successful I've continued Marvel at how much less pornographic acting out I do know that flour and sugar are no longer part of my life I've also lost 25 pounds I'm feeling better than I have in many years my moods is stabilized and my self-esteem is obviously reaching a height that I didn't even know was possible in fact I hadn't really recognized how low my self-esteem has become I think that has a lot to do with why I act out with poor is that I'm in a lot of pain and I really hate myself and I'm lonely and I think that's the Crux what's going on and somehow by getting right with the food I reduce the infection in the pornography Department you are obviously correlated although I still don't know exactly how all I know is that I'm happier than I've been in a long time and I agree with what you said it doesn't make sense to clean up one area of your life while fostering in another if you're going to do recovery do it anyway you can thanks for what you said I'm very much open to feedback