Rebooting at 30

[Phase2]

For those of us with severe PIED, even little things like morning wood or nighttime boners can feel like exciting developments.

I think, yes, it's a good sign. But it's very much the beginning--so enjoy that your body is starting to notice that something is going on and stick with the program. Your body and brain will surprise you a lot over the next couple of months. Morning wood, wet dreams, flatlines, horny periods, aches, headaches, etc. The struggle can be intense at times, funny, perplexing and sometimes you feel like you go one step forward and two steps back. But just stay true to what you are working towards: sexual health.

Keep going, man. And keep learning.

 

[ScaredTurtle]

For those of us with severe PIED, even little things like morning wood or nighttime boners can feel like exciting developments.

I think, yes, it's a good sign. But it's very much the beginning--so enjoy that your body is starting to notice that something is going on and stick with the program. Your body and brain will surprise you a lot over the next couple of months. Morning wood, wet dreams, flatlines, horny periods, aches, headaches, etc. The struggle can be intense at times, funny, perplexing and sometimes you feel like you go one step forward and two steps back. But just stay true to what you are working towards: sexual health.

Keep going, man. And keep learning.

Thank you, and I'll admit that right now any little change is very exciting. I welcome the experience with all the ups and downs and ins and outs and I'll try and remember when im feeling off that its all just a change for the better, it is after all a lifestyle change that needs to be permanent.

 

[ScaredTurtle]

Hey fellas, short update before I start the day, I have been experiencing a few "midnight" erections not 100% but whatever its still a good sign I think, I'm still flat lining like crazy the sleep erections are all I get which sucks but time is the only thing to re-do this damage. No libido no desire for porn or anything. I do notice the night time erections pull me out of deep sleep and into a weird place of kind of awake but still sleeping? Not sure how to explain it. The night before last I did dream I had PMO or just MO and felt so terrible it was crazy like I had undone everything I have been striving for. It was so real I got up and checked my trash cans, and sheets for any sign I had O'd but I didn't it was just a dream. Got tempted to call the girl that started all this rebooting and tell her to come over but decided it wouldnt be good idea, and she's just bad for me is what I've realized so I didn't. Its hard when you lived with someone for years like we did, and genuinely loved that person, to not think of them all the time or dream about them, or compare all other girls to her and to have to realize shes just bad for me and let it go. I'm thinking that will be the biggest healing factor to all of this.  I'm just hoping for a proper reboot and feeling like I'm not betraying her when I date or whatever. I think that's what started my porn habit, I couldn't date or mess around with other girls without feeling like I had done her wrong even though I had been a free and single man for a long time, so I stayed home and watched porn for sexual gratification and really fucked my brain up. The irony of it is something else, real emotions can be a real pain in the ass when your lonely and a bit scared.

 

[Phase2]

You're doing great man. It's best just to notice these little changes and body/brain tantrums without acting on them in any way. It's good to post about them here. I like to think of the brain in the early reboot as a 3 year old having a tantrum because he can't keep eating ice cream. The parent knows it will make him sick, so he/she takes it away for his own good. Naturally he's screams, pouts, or stamps his foot. YOU are the same--protecting your bratty brain from porn and dopamine binges that it has gotten used to and now you are in the stage where your brain is 'stomping its foot.' But, that will end soon and you will be proven a good parent--with a great boner again!  8)

Stay strong and keep going!

 

[merkmerk73]

Same thing happened to me back in '07/'08 - unfortunately there wasn't any of this info around back then so I had no fucking clue what was wrong and it was pretty devastating. Total 9/10. Even had multiple shots. One of the occasions I went into the bathroom and desperately tried to get it up thinking it was just nerves only to ejac with a fucking 50% stiffy..

What's worse is these girls basically see you as a eunuch. You're useless, not a man, etc. There's no understanding - they don't care to understand nor do they have to. And can you blame them?

Be glad you know what the problem is and there's more and more info coming out. It was traumatic to experience this and just think I was broken somehow - especially since there was nothing but "masturbation is good for you!" and "porn is fine in moderation!" health information.

Obviously you tell yourself "uh I watch porn once a day for 10 minutes and then I'm done, I'm not some freak that watches it all day every day" so you're fine - right? Nope.

Thank god for sites like this and the growing awareness.

 

[ScaredTurtle]

Good info guys and thanks for sticking with my thread. My last sexual experience was on the 20th of march so I'm coming up on what 30 days? I'm noticing a few benefits already and think I may be near the end of my flatline. My business is more sensitive, and I'm getting consistent sporat boners randomly in the night in my sleep but nothing 100%. No morning wood but shortly after waking up the last two days I have woke up really "frisky" for a few minutes. No touching still, still hard mode and I'm trying not to fantasize but some times I think of previous sexual experiences for a minute and start getting hard, I hope that's not much of a set back. I'm thinking of inviting some female company over this weekend for a movie and some cuddling and kissing to see if it helps me or to see what happens but sex is strictly off the table for now.

What do you guys think? Sound like progress and is it a good idea to have a girl I'm 100% comfortable with over for kissing, holding, and contact but no sex? I'm super excited to see hints of libido coming back but I'm also assuming now the real tests start, as libido returns so do the urgers for sex, porn and masterbation.

 

[ScaredTurtle]

Howdy fellas small update here,

Increase of sexual dreams, one I felt close to O but I woke up amd didn't O thankfully and dreams of sex where I can't get a boner which suck, even I'm my dream I couldnt get a hard on LOL.

This morning I woke up an hour early and laid in bed thinking amd preparing for the day, game my self a bit of a scratch and a split second rub down there, and i felt a warmth and rush of blood and i was as hard as a mighty cobra, like high school erection, no thoughts of any thing sexual as I was litterally staring at the ceiling not thinking. It didn't last, it was gone almost gone as soon as it came but man the boost it gave me, I was super social today, I crushed it in the gym on some really heavy lifts, my dead lift went up 15 pounds since last weeks max out, and I did 6 reps of the new weight feeling like an animal.

Now my question is, this testing I know is bad but would it hurt to see if light touch alone could do this again so I know it wasn't a fluke? If I can lighty touch with no thoughts of P, no fantasy, not thinking back on previous sexual experiences is that a set back? I still have almost no libido but I'm starting to want to socialize with girls again but no more than that, finding my self really enjoying girls with pretty hair pretty smiles, and just loving the little things about them. No desire to MO I know I'm not ready for sex yet but after flatlining down there I think I would be much better off mentally knowing my junk works and I'm just waiting for my brain to re wire. Pretty damn excited as today was a great day, I start a new job Monday and I was able to get a massive erection, and saw serious gains in the gym, and in muscle mass, haven't felt this good in probably a year

 

[gummianka]

This post gave me hopw. And it is not that long since you started your reboot, right? In fact, heading off to the gym right now.

About testing, I would not say that is a good thing. We have all been "testing" for years, and that is what brought us here. Just keep on trucking, you seem to be on a good path. The testing comes normally, with morning boner etc. Just keep track on those, without any hands on (pun intended) meddling.

 

[Phase2]

You are doing great. It sounds like you've finally gotten to the point where you are seeing some results from starving your brain of porn. Your brain dopamine pathways are reshuffling around in a frenzy trying to figure things out--so you get a boner here and then --blip-- it goes away. Or you feel horny for 1 minute and then you don't. You're feeling like a beast at the gym, more social and have a more positive outlook. But remember, you will have steps forward and steps back ahead of you. You are still in flatline with no libido. And this takes TIME. So just continue what you are doing. There is no value to testing yourself. You are not a monkey--keep your hand off your dick. It doesn't matter if a random erection is a 'fluke'. 99% chance your junk still won't work yet if you are in bed with another person. Just cuz you lightly touch it and you get a semi, doesn't change that. So keep going with the program. There is a process to this. When your libido returns you will know it (took me about 50 days no PMO but everyone is different) and then you can start rewiring with a live human. But your hand's relationship to your dick is over. The whole point is to get an erection with a person--not your hand. So avoid testing and no masturbation. Stay the course, friend. You are doing excellent.

 

[Stp215]

Some good stuff in this thread. I just quit a week ago and am going through the same experiences detailed here. In a severe flatline stage. I just tried pulling it in the dark with no P just to see where I was at and no response whatsoever. It's so frustrating because I know if P was in the mix I would be rock hard inside of 2 minutes. The toughest part is having faith that this will work. I've been in the PMO mode/lifestyle for so many years it's really all I know at this point. Difficult to imagine I could arrive at a place where I could get aroused naturally with a woman and no P involved. I'm relying on the testimonials here of people who are farther down the road than me. This is why my attempts to quit never worked in the past, because I was flying blind with no knowledge of the rebooting process and how it works. I'm willing to stay with it because I don't want the dysfunction and self-loathing that comes with the alternative anymore. Thanks.

 

[ScaredTurtle]

Some good stuff in this thread. I just quit a week ago and am going through the same experiences detailed here. In a severe flatline stage. I just tried pulling it in the dark with no P just to see where I was at and no response whatsoever. It's so frustrating because I know if P was in the mix I would be rock hard inside of 2 minutes. The toughest part is having faith that this will work. I've been in the PMO mode/lifestyle for so many years it's really all I know at this point. Difficult to imagine I could arrive at a place where I could get aroused naturally with a woman and no P involved. I'm relying on the testimonials here of people who are farther down the road than me. This is why my attempts to quit never worked in the past, because I was flying blind with no knowledge of the rebooting process and how it works. I'm willing to stay with it because I don't want the dysfunction and self-loathing that comes with the alternative anymore. Thanks.

Thanks buddy, glad your rebooting and quitting P. Im trying to keep this updated just in case im able to help one person.

Started a new job today, worked circles around the young guys lots of new energy for some reason could be proper diet, could be my time in the gym could be the reboot, I'm banking on the reboot.

Still in deep flatline which sucks but its part of the process and I've accepted its normal. Only thing is to ride it out until the end. Have not tested or touched my weenis. Although it is hanging like a boss like never before not sure what that means lol.

 

[Stp215]

Some good stuff in this thread. I just quit a week ago and am going through the same experiences detailed here. In a severe flatline stage. I just tried pulling it in the dark with no P just to see where I was at and no response whatsoever. It's so frustrating because I know if P was in the mix I would be rock hard inside of 2 minutes. The toughest part is having faith that this will work. I've been in the PMO mode/lifestyle for so many years it's really all I know at this point. Difficult to imagine I could arrive at a place where I could get aroused naturally with a woman and no P involved. I'm relying on the testimonials here of people who are farther down the road than me. This is why my attempts to quit never worked in the past, because I was flying blind with no knowledge of the rebooting process and how it works. I'm willing to stay with it because I don't want the dysfunction and self-loathing that comes with the alternative anymore. Thanks.

Thanks buddy, glad your rebooting and quitting P. Im trying to keep this updated just in case im able to help one person.

Started a new job today, worked circles around the young guys lots of new energy for some reason could be proper diet, could be my time in the gym could be the reboot, I'm banking on the reboot.

Still in deep flatline which sucks but its part of the process and I've accepted its normal. Only thing is to ride it out until the end. Have not tested or touched my weenis. Although it is hanging like a boss like never before not sure what that means lol.

The flatline is really bizarre. Thing is, without the flatline I am sure I would have relapsed by now. If my body was surging with desire to do it, it would be 10x harder to abstain. The fact that the libido becomes so dormant makes it easier. Weird.

One way I'm coping is to tell myself that as every minute passes without P, the circuitry of my brain is rewiring and healing itself. I hope that's true, just wish I knew the timetable for when I could expect to see some improvement.

 

[ScaredTurtle]

Howdy fellas proud to report to you I hit 30 days today, no P no MO no M, I tested my erection once by ligh5 touch is all I've done. I would list pros and con's but there are no cons to this.

Things I have experienced are massive boosts in confidence, massive boosts in energy at work and in the gym, my confidence landed me a great new job 3 days ago. Holding eye contact is easier, no paranoia about friends using my computer (lol). I'm not quite as intimitaded by pretty girls, my lower back and testicular aches have disappeared when my doctor had no idea of the cause and couldn't treat it, I'm convinced there's a link between excessive M to lower back pain. Improved sleep, and my business looks bigger when flaccid, no longer shriveled up which didn't really realised was happening before reboot. I have more motivation and drive.

I'm in no way claiming I have super powers like the guys on /r/nofap do, this is an honest account of what I've gained. I still have almost no libido, I'm still flatlining but I know it will end and I'm feeling like I'm on the downhill, the hard part is behind me and all I have to do is keep this up. I now have faith that I'm healing. I'm looking forward to what 90 days and beyond bring me. Stay with it guys rebooting is not universal its different for us all and even if the next 30 are the exact opposite of what I'm feeling now I won't give in. Please take it from me reboots are legit, ill admit I was skeptical at first but not anymore.

Not claiming to be healed by any means there's still a long road ahead. Thanks guys for the tips, advice and encouragement I've gotten from you all. I feel like my success is your success because I'd have never made it 30 days without this forum.

 

[ScaredTurtle]

Short update,
Still feeling great, a small surge in libido has returned and I know the reboot is working pretty excited about this so far seeing progress at just a bit over 30 days hard mode. Morning wood is making a come back nothing great but def improving, waking up an hour after speed almost every night with a boner, going back to sleep and waking up in the morning with wood and my libido is highest in the morning not jerking it is more of a challenge so there is bad with the good lol. Spontaneous chubs during the day as well. Really noticing women more, even those that aren't exactly great looking. High protein, healthy carbs and healthy fat diet with lots of leafy greens mixed in seems to help and tons of energy I've never had before. Sticking with this for another 60 days before I attempt sex.

 

[Phase2]

It's great to see you making progress ST. Wasn't too long ago that your posts were a lot more bleak! Stay strong and don't touch that dick when it gets hard. Just enjoy getting a boner again. Touching leads to frustration and being vulnerable to taking a step backward. Anyway, you are doing great and the next 30 days are going to really push your forward. Keep going!

 

[ScaredTurtle]

Stress is the killer guys, I had a labrador, she was my best fucking friend in the world no joke, I had her through all my ups and downs, since my early teen years on into man hood. She died in my arms.  She lived to be about 20 she was full grown when I adopted her when I was still in high school.

I had to put her to sleep on monday and resume my job today like nothing was wrong no time to grieve or mourn the loss just yet. Im extremely tore up emotionally but I can't cry from being blunted from PMO. I was so close to going to a tube site and baiting or hitting up old flings for sex but I managed not to, I thought it would clear my mind but realised that after I would just be even more blue, past depression to what I just call blue. Self gratification is fake on this front staying strong is the real gratification in this reboot phase of our lives. Bad shit is going to happen during rebooting but you have to keep going, falling back into bad habits is not going to do jack shit except make you hate yourself. I never really bought into the hype of this being a legit addiction until now and I see its very much real. No matter what your going through keep going porn clouds the mind and masterbating dulls the heart we can only progress by ending the cycle of thinking PMO is the answer stay the course and it will pay off in the end. Focus on real things and give it your best anything less than 210% is unacceptable.

Don't have it in your mind you can't do this affirm it to yourself every day that this is possible. The greatest boxer of the last 100 years used that technique and was the winner of every match he fought before the bell ever rang on that first round. Tell yourself you've already won and you will win every match with temptation. Ali gave a speech of trash talk that went something like "just last night i done wrassled an alligator, I tusseled with a whale, hand cuffed lightning and throwed thunder in jail, Because im a bad dude.
Just last week I murdered a stone, injured a rock and hospitalised a brick, I'm so mean I make medicine sick, I'm one bad dude" he was the greatest because he believed it was true, and if you believe in yourself that you can be the winner you will be. Affirm it to yourself that you got this and you will have it. Don't cave, don't crumble and be the victor.  Face it head on and knock it the fuck out because if you dont you'll be the one knocked down wondering what happened, most of us have lost too much from this already to lose again. Shitty situations are going to hit you during hard enough times but don't waver and give up were to strong to go down were too tough to lose out to something as pointless as PMO. when the recovery has happened we will know we are the winner of an impossibly hard battle and that will feel way, way better than a session of mindless PMO ever could

 

[Phase2]

Very sorry about your dog, ST. They truly are man's best friend. Grieving by jacking off for a quick dopamine hit to make you feel better dishonors the loved one--you are doing the right thing.

That's a great post. I like the tone: grabbing the addiction by the throat and killing it. That's the way to win. Stay strong buddy. Have a good week.

 

[Numez]

Grieving by jacking off for a quick dopamine hit to make you feel better dishonors the loved one--you are doing the right thing.

its not dishonoring the loved one but you are doing the right thing. my ex girl thought im dishonoring her when i relapsed. she was like "why would you watch that and get back to PIED if you can have sex with me and recover?" she thought she is not sexy enough for me so i relapsed. BS. she is hot and i love and respect her decision not hang out with me anymore but its not true that when we watch porn we dishonor or dont think positive thoughts about someone.

 

[Phase2]

What I was trying to say was it's ok to grieve. In fact it's a good thing. Jerking off to quickly make himself feel better with a dopamine blast is circumventing important feelings about his loss, and probably 99% of us have used PMO to medicate ourselves for many reasons like this. It's good to have real feelings. It's not good to just throw them away into a kleenex with your pants at your ankles. Sounds like this is a personal sore point you have with your girlfriend. Obviously, the two situations are totally different. He is not in a sexual relationship with his dog. And you are right, PMO often doesn't really reflect feelings towards a human you are in a relationship with. It's an addiction to dopamine.

 

[Numez]

What I was trying to say was it's ok to grieve. In fact it's a good thing. Jerking off to quickly make himself feel better with a dopamine blast is circumventing important feelings about his loss, and probably 99% of us have used PMO to medicate ourselves for many reasons like this. It's good to have real feelings. It's not good to just throw them away into a kleenex with your pants at your ankles. Sounds like this is a personal sore point you have with your girlfriend. Obviously, the two situations are totally different. He is not in a sexual relationship with his dog. And you are right, PMO often doesn't really reflect feelings towards a human you are in a relationship with. It's an addiction to dopamine.

different situation but the point is the same, if you PMO you are not dishonoring anyone. you are just addicted and you have hard time quitting, thats all.