This I vow (until it sticks ). Gay Male 44

[BlueSun]

Day 7. Clean. Tired. Considered mo due to restlessness. Not really b/c of libido so I decided to pass.  I'll wait till the need is a little more extreme. Or maybe not at all.  Wrote to RN buddies.  Uneasy day but I'm ok.  Saw a few guys post about PMO after long stretches of clean time.

I'm not sure where or if I reset. PMO for sure.  I had a 3 in 1 fapfest that was disturbing a month or two ago (the last go round I was begging myself to stop in my head, but my hand kept going).  That seems relapsy.  But I think an MO once a week, maybe twice a month is going to be ok.  If I can keep it under control.  This week it hasn't been an issue. Not even MW.  I think I'm pretty far from reboot completion.  Even tho I started in may.  Even tho most of those days have been P free.

I'm teetering on the edge of fuckit.  Not that I'm going to quit, just know that the edge where a week long pmo bender starts is really really close.

Feeling unattractive, tainted, broken.  I know, stick with it.  Healing takes time.
Each relapse brings a different sort of comeback. They weren't kidding when they described it as nonlinear. 

Signing off. Nanu nanu

 

[BlueSun]

Wishing I lived in a world where masturbating was as little and as much of importance as, say, reading a book.  That way when I said "I mastubated last night, but didnt O.  It felt pretty good, but im glad I stopped.  E at 75%" I'm not seen as a perv, but as a man admitting that I do and think about it regularly, just like many men do.  And that on top of this, its important in my recovery to stay vigilant.

Its easier to talk about hemorrhoids,  intestinal gas, traffic rage, petty theft...

Anyhow, im feeling better.  Avoiding the chaser of an O right now is good advice, thank you to private messages. 

 

[BlueSun]

And then I deleted my account.  And then recreated it. 
I'm going to start a new thread.  I'll post the link here when I make it.

 

[RuntoSpirit]

Hi BLue SUn,

Why the new thread?  I hope it is not becaue you are discouraged. 
TO me you show a lot of insight into things. 
At any rate I shall look forward to hearing of your future walk. Rooting for you.

 

[malando]

Yeah, I think this thread could keep on going. It's the same name, just the post count has dropped a bit!

Good to have you back.

 

[BlueSun]

Hi there - New thread is here: http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=10028.0

Because I deleted my account my user isn't associated with this thread anymore.  Plus, it really is time for me to start over.