offaxis
Active Member
Hello anewme,
Thank you for explaining about your wife. I understand your situation better now and didn't properly get it before. It sounds very tough and I can definitely understand how you think she would feel crushed if she knew all the details. Perhaps even there is also an element of her underestimating the extent and impact it's had on your life and how much you rely on it. It's really tough.
I'm really glad to hear you've been using the opportunity time that you would have planned before for porn to do more positive things for yourself and family. I hope these made you feel good about yourself and proud. I feel that is starting to get onto more real life change which is the ultimate path out and away from the porn. So, well done and I hope you can keep going on with those and find more.
One thing I noticed about my reactions to seeing women in public places is that before I never used to look them in the eyes. I'd be letching instead or trying to get a look at their body or up their skirt, down the blouse or something horrible. In the past few months now, I've been consciously looking at their faces and in particular in her eyes as much as I can. At first this was a bit weird but after some time I noticed this was a path to connection. And now, it's surprising that (a) there are quite a few women who make eye contact with me, many many more than I ever thought before and (b) the responses I get if I combine eye contact with smiling. I've even had a few women blush (!) which was a real shock to me as I thought no-one looked at me and I was unattractive. This was when I started to realise more and more that I wanted connection, not really sex. In fact I am even starting to get to the point where a scantily clad woman is a bit vulgar to me. I want her eyes. If a guy walked around wearing skimpy hotpants and a tight vest and was straight then most other men would just laugh at them and find it crazy. Even for most gay guys I know this would be totally OTT. Yet for a woman to do it, or exhibit herself - no-one laughs and men who objectify drool over her. This is how insane the objectification has become, that extremes are normalised. This is not to say that I don't appreciate a good looking woman who dresses well and looks after herself, but how she looks is secondary to who she is - not vice-versa.
Keep on the good work.
Peace,
R
Thank you for explaining about your wife. I understand your situation better now and didn't properly get it before. It sounds very tough and I can definitely understand how you think she would feel crushed if she knew all the details. Perhaps even there is also an element of her underestimating the extent and impact it's had on your life and how much you rely on it. It's really tough.
I'm really glad to hear you've been using the opportunity time that you would have planned before for porn to do more positive things for yourself and family. I hope these made you feel good about yourself and proud. I feel that is starting to get onto more real life change which is the ultimate path out and away from the porn. So, well done and I hope you can keep going on with those and find more.
One thing I noticed about my reactions to seeing women in public places is that before I never used to look them in the eyes. I'd be letching instead or trying to get a look at their body or up their skirt, down the blouse or something horrible. In the past few months now, I've been consciously looking at their faces and in particular in her eyes as much as I can. At first this was a bit weird but after some time I noticed this was a path to connection. And now, it's surprising that (a) there are quite a few women who make eye contact with me, many many more than I ever thought before and (b) the responses I get if I combine eye contact with smiling. I've even had a few women blush (!) which was a real shock to me as I thought no-one looked at me and I was unattractive. This was when I started to realise more and more that I wanted connection, not really sex. In fact I am even starting to get to the point where a scantily clad woman is a bit vulgar to me. I want her eyes. If a guy walked around wearing skimpy hotpants and a tight vest and was straight then most other men would just laugh at them and find it crazy. Even for most gay guys I know this would be totally OTT. Yet for a woman to do it, or exhibit herself - no-one laughs and men who objectify drool over her. This is how insane the objectification has become, that extremes are normalised. This is not to say that I don't appreciate a good looking woman who dresses well and looks after herself, but how she looks is secondary to who she is - not vice-versa.
Keep on the good work.
Peace,
R