Brighterdays
New Member
Not sure where to start with this. . . The whole family upgraded to smartphones two months ago. A few weeks ago I wanted to show my husband something on the internet on his phone, opened safari and right there on the page that popped up was a picture on the last page he had looked at. This was the first hint of what was going on but I thought it was only that one image; he has a 'buddy' who sent him links to occasional pics like that. When I rather jokingly asked him if he'd been looking at any more pics a few days later, he shrugged and told me to look at his phone, he had nothing to hide. A few days after that I took him up on that and snuck his phone out of the room early one morning and looked at his history, which I am not sure he realized had been stored to the extent it was. I found that more often than not in the past two months, he spent his nights downstairs on his phone looking at other women. What scared me was the amount of time he was spending on it. There would be dozens and dozens of clips on a single night. Even if he didn't watch every clip to the end I knew he was spending a couple of hours at it some nights. He would come to bed just before I got up for my paper route, and I realized that that was probably the only thing that made him stop, knowing I was going to be up. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I began to wonder right then if porn could truly be addicting. Somehow I managed to wait a few days before really talking to him about it. A journal in that time helped me sort out my feelings, so that when I did bring it up it was in a very loving way, I told him I was very concerned for him and I was scared. I had found the YBOP site by then which helped me understand a lot, and I showed him the first two Your Brain On Porn videos that weekend. I flatly told him, 'If you're not addicted, you will be.' He actually took it to heart and is trying to stop, but he hasn't watched all the videos and does not even know about rebooting yet. He doesn't want to talk about it all the time and I knows he already thinks I am obsessed with it, so I try to give him space, especially during his stressful work week but I have told him I would like to talk about it more this weekend. I am afraid of making the wrong move, either by pushing him more than he is ready for or by backing off too much. He is a wonderful man, I Love him deeply and will never leave him, but I don't think he understands how deeply this hurts.
