Relapsed after 64 Days, Hell again.

[Brain]

I made 64 days streak.
I was feeling great and i felt like there is nothing to make me relapse, but i relapsed again, Now i feels really sucks.
And after i relapsed once, i really can't stop it. I relapsed four times now, my behavior getting worse.

Any advices?

 

[ilovemyhand]

Perhaps try to consider how it came to be that you've ended that 64 day streak and what you could do differently in the future..?

Also, is there any rationalization that's keeping you from getting back on the horse or there's just a strong emotional pull? I would bet that if you dig deep enough you will find something like "ah, I lost all of my progress anyway so I might as well enjoy porn a while longer" or "I have a really hard life right now and I deserve at least a bit of pleasure". Putting it in awareness helps you identify it and deal with it in the future. Once you to do you have to deal with these triggering thoughts; some of them you can unmask as untrue self-deceptions and others you just have to weigh against your reasons for going porn free in the first place.

Which brings me to the question: why do you want to eliminate porn from your life? -That's a very important question to have a lot of good answers too.

Good luck!

 

[Brain]

Perhaps try to consider how it came to be that you've ended that 64 day streak and what you could do differently in the future..?

Also, is there any rationalization that's keeping you from getting back on the horse or there's just a strong emotional pull? I would bet that if you dig deep enough you will find something like "ah, I lost all of my progress anyway so I might as well enjoy porn a while longer" or "I have a really hard life right now and I deserve at least a bit of pleasure". Putting it in awareness helps you identify it and deal with it in the future. Once you to do you have to deal with these triggering thoughts; some of them you can unmask as untrue self-deceptions and others you just have to weigh against your reasons for going porn free in the first place.

Which brings me to the question: why do you want to eliminate porn from your life? -That's a very important question to have a lot of good answers too.

Good luck!

Thank you for the advice!

That day i just thought "How about just one video, no more" and i finished masturbate to one video.
I know it's stupid thinking.. maybe there was another triggers before that thought but i don't remember.

Reasons for quitting porn is, i have big social anxiety, talking problem, from 7 years old. I'm now 17 years old and i improved it myself a lot but there is limit.
One year ago i watched "The great porn experiment" video and i realized porn is an issue.

Because i started rubbing penis to the ground & pillow (without erection, orgasm) from 6 years old and i watched porn from 9 years old.
Since then It became as a habit that masturbating when i become alone at home. I was alone at home many times.
So my worst trigger is being alone at home. Most of my relapses, it was alone at home.

For now, i just keep think "Let's just fap and start next day"..
Today i tried to stand it out and it's been a 30 minutes but also failed.
I don't know. It's confusing. It feels like i suddenly lost motivations to quit porn..
I guess it's because of video games, i played games too much this week, so first i will try to remove all the games.

Sorry for my english XP
And thanks again, this reminiscence helped me.

 

[ilovemyhand]

That day i just thought "How about just one video, no more" and i finished masturbate to one video.

Good find! Personally I had to relapse many times before I recognized this thought as self-deception; I simply cannot watch just one video, or stay at just softcore porn, or whatever. I've tried that many times with miserable results. It seems that this thought was self-deceptive also in your case - it wasn't just one video, was it? It was a lie that you would do well to remember..

So my worst trigger is being alone at home. Most of my relapses, it was alone at home.

Another great find which is actually one of the main non-sexual triggers for most of us (together with stress). You can do something about that though. Organize your life that you will be spending as little amount of time just idly sitting at home alone; you could go out for walks, meet friends, start going to the gym - options are endless.

For now, i just keep think "Let's just fap and start next day"..

I think this thought only makes sense if you believe that you've lost all of your progress with the relapse at the same time. Why else would you be picking away at the hard-earned progress you've made during those 64 days. So, to make this clear: you DON'T ruin all of your progress with a couple of relapses, but you DO reverse some of the progress with each relapse. Because of this it makes sense to get back on the horse ASAP, and the sooner you will do that the faster you will fully recover.

Does that make sense?