Study on effect on wives

[Gracie]

I thought this was an interesting study.  It is a little long, but well worth the read.

I found this article while browsing the web.  It is a research study.  It really describes well the effects on the marriage and the wives.  It is a little long, but well worth the read.  I hope it helps the husbands here to talk to their wives.

http://www.patrickprag.com/patrick_prag_counseling/Resources_files/Attachment%20threat%20and%20pair-bond%20relationship_1.pdf

I wish I had access to this article when I told my husband how I felt.  It explains it so well.

 

[Gracie]

For those of you that are married or in a long term realtionship, the ideas and feeling in this article are very accurate.  They also say in the article how disclosure affects them.  It actuallly helps u them heal. 

If you read this, you will gain some valuable insight.  It is not bashing users but rather looking at how their beloved experiences what has happened.  They all were supportive of their husbands.  And no religious overtones.  A great read!

 

[Bibbity]

I thought it was great!!  Totally agree with disclosure helping to heal.

 

[OldHornyGuy]

Bibbity is absolutely right.  Addiction thrives on secrecy and denial.  Admitting the depth of the issue and getting it out in the open is crucial to the recovery process.

 

[LTE]

It was rough reading, but I had it coming after my foibles.

 

[Gracie]

For a partner reading it, it shows we are not insane.  The merry go round that our brain is after finding out, especially when we have never experienced this before makes us feel crazy.  We are in an alternate universe for a while.  We are sorting out truths, half-truths and lies and they all look the same. 

However, the article does point out that disclosure by the porn user diminished the negative effects.  That to me is very important.  Because when men use and do not disclose, there is always a chance that the use will be found out, forgotten dvds, cds, flash drives, computer files and actual pictures.  I guess my thought is always what if the user dies, or gets ill and the partner finds the stuff?  That is their last memory of the user and then influences their opinion of themselves.  How awful!

When we are married, we are a triad, me, my husband and the trust that holds us together.  Then the trust gets shaken to the core.  The worst earthquake imaginable.  But with a partner that is truthful and honest the foundation of love can be built on again.  And this article shows that.  That is what I like about it.

 

[SO Reboot Partner]

For a partner reading it, it shows we are not insane.  The merry go round that our brain is after finding out, especially when we have never experienced this before makes us feel crazy.  We are in an alternate universe for a while.  We are sorting out truths, half-truths and lies and they all look the same. 

However, the article does point out that disclosure by the porn user diminished the negative effects.  That to me is very important.  Because when men use and do not disclose, there is always a chance that the use will be found out, forgotten dvds, cds, flash drives, computer files and actual pictures.  I guess my thought is always what if the user dies, or gets ill and the partner finds the stuff?  That is their last memory of the user and then influences their opinion of themselves.  How awful!

When we are married, we are a triad, me, my husband and the trust that holds us together.  Then the trust gets shaken to the core.  The worst earthquake imaginable.  But with a partner that is truthful and honest the foundation of love can be built on again.  And this article shows that.  That is what I like about it.

Very well put.

I think this article also throws a wrench in the idea that addiction is just the addicts problem. I have always been a little side-eye offended with the notion that my interest in overcoming PIED is just for sex. We can have the old piv, but without security it doesn't mean much.

 

[LTE]

I think it reaches to the core of what it means to have a life partner; something that goes far beyond sex. The fact is, when one commits to a relationship it becomes necessary to consider our partner 's interests in everything we do. A person in a committed relationship has chosen to trade away a degree of independence for the benefits of having a partner. It's an act of great trust.

When one partner chooses to act without regard to the interests of their mate it is, in my opinion, a betrayal of the trust that forms the foundation of the relationship. There are occasional discussions on the forums about whether or not PMO constitutes "cheating". My personal conclusion is that it differed from adultery only in that there is no risk of STDs or unwanted pregnancy. Ultimately, as I see it, both involve seeking sexual satisfaction without the partner involved.

 

[rider654321]

Very interesting article!