This is my simplified journal. I believe that I got too carried away with words last time that thoughts got lost. And after the recent tough times, anxiety, and relapse I?ve had I need something different. Here is what I have learned so far.
WHO AM I
I am 24 yr old guy married with two ages 3 and 9 mo. I am generally classified by peers to be successful with many things in life which I can credit to God and my wife. Although I have come an extremely long way from being that nervous, shy, nerdy high schooler without a direction I have always been held up by one thing. Porn.
Introduced to porn when I was 12 then computers and internet soon after. PMO has had a major hold on my life ever since even though I have tried many times to stop.
Porn became an issue with my wife and stopped 5 years ago? or so she thought. There has only been one time since that she believes I have relapsed.
Renewed drive since my wife is now pregnant.
PORN EFFECTS
Created a level of deviance and secrecy.
Mental ED of sorts. Most of the time I fantasize to get more into real sex.
Mental clarity and memory seem to be one of my biggest losses personally. My brain seems to have been rewired to not need to keep most long term memories, even important ones.
GOALS
Completely stop. Minimize or cut out MO.
Get to a point where I am comfortable bringing my wife into this reboot journey. She just doesn?t understand the depth and complexity of this addiction.
I hope to become a support for others dealing with this addiction and change their life.
TRIGGERS/CHALLENGES
Rotating schedule/Rotating shifts/12 hr shifts
Women are sexy. lol
WHAT IVE LEARNED
Just like getting healthy it?s a lifestyle choice. Trying to tackle this like a fad won?t work in the long run.
Eating healthy and working out has improved my life overall.
Need a cool down method (still haven?t figured mine out)
Ups and downs will happen. Gotta hang on for the ride and reach out for help
WHO AM I
I am 24 yr old guy married with two ages 3 and 9 mo. I am generally classified by peers to be successful with many things in life which I can credit to God and my wife. Although I have come an extremely long way from being that nervous, shy, nerdy high schooler without a direction I have always been held up by one thing. Porn.
Introduced to porn when I was 12 then computers and internet soon after. PMO has had a major hold on my life ever since even though I have tried many times to stop.
Porn became an issue with my wife and stopped 5 years ago? or so she thought. There has only been one time since that she believes I have relapsed.
Renewed drive since my wife is now pregnant.
PORN EFFECTS
Created a level of deviance and secrecy.
Mental ED of sorts. Most of the time I fantasize to get more into real sex.
Mental clarity and memory seem to be one of my biggest losses personally. My brain seems to have been rewired to not need to keep most long term memories, even important ones.
GOALS
Completely stop. Minimize or cut out MO.
Get to a point where I am comfortable bringing my wife into this reboot journey. She just doesn?t understand the depth and complexity of this addiction.
I hope to become a support for others dealing with this addiction and change their life.
TRIGGERS/CHALLENGES
Rotating schedule/Rotating shifts/12 hr shifts
Women are sexy. lol
WHAT IVE LEARNED
Just like getting healthy it?s a lifestyle choice. Trying to tackle this like a fad won?t work in the long run.
Eating healthy and working out has improved my life overall.
Need a cool down method (still haven?t figured mine out)
Ups and downs will happen. Gotta hang on for the ride and reach out for help