18 - Back on track

[LoneWolf]

I'm tired of failing. Now I'll focus 100% on this, even if my brain tells me to do, I will not, I'm stronger than these little voices. Everyday will be a new battle, everyday I'll win a battle.
I'm sick of this. It's time to come back to my 30 days streak and beat this addiction.
Everyday before sleep I'll post a log of my battle here.

 

[LoneWolf]

Day 1: PMOed because of a tv show. I guess this means no more this show.

 

[LoneWolf]

Day 2 (1 day streak): I was feeling a little tedious during the day but didn't thought about PMOing. Now when the night came I saw a phrase "This weather is good for masturbation" I felt a little urge but as soon as I focused on others things it vanished. Now I'm going to sleep at 18:50 and planning to wake up at 4:10.

 

[LoneWolf]

Day 3 (2 day streak): I was feeling a little depressed during the morning but I completely forgot lately about porn.

 

[guitarman8]

Anything about your background with both porn use and real life sexual experiences you can share? Keep grinding man, I am on day 4

 

[LoneWolf]

Anything about your background with both porn use and real life sexual experiences you can share? Keep grinding man, I am on day 4

I never had sex in my life.
About porn: I was too addicted that some day I PMOed in my aunt's house. I had seen some crazy porns, already ejaculated in my body and cried on the floor after. 80% of my depression comes from porn. When I was at 30 days streak I was feeling amazing, everyday was a great day, there was a great feeling.
You can read more of my story here: http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=7770.0
Good luck. Keep strong.
----------------------------------------------
Day 4 (3 day streak): I could focus on some projects today.

 

[guitarman8]

Sorry to hear about all that, but from reading many stories from here it is obvious that anybody can pull themselves out of this hole if they stay determined. Its awesome that you are able to focus on projects during this time. Good luck with everything man.

 

[LoneWolf]

Sorry to hear about all that, but from reading many stories from here it is obvious that anybody can pull themselves out of this hole if they stay determined. Its awesome that you are able to focus on projects during this time. Good luck with everything man.

Thank you.

------------------------

Day 5 (4 days streak): I was feeling a little depressed during the morning but after I watched a speech with a Lama I found inspiration to do meditation, after that I meditate for 10 minutes and could be able to keep with my projects during the entire day.
Now I'm feeling a little loneliness, a needy. Just want to hug a girl.
I'm going to sleep.

 

[LoneWolf]

Day 6 (5 days streak): I dreamed about a girl that I was in love some time ago that doesn't loved me, I dreamed that I was hugging her, was lied with her, I woke up feeling loneliness and a needy. I just want to hug some girl. I spend the entire day listening to music and playing a game. And feeling the same loneliness and needy.

 

[boraemon]

Well,because I am not a native,English speaker,please forgive my poor English.
I have been freed from porn for 92 days.And I am a 17 year old male.Judging from your feelings and your activities,I think you life is not postive enough.I suggest that you should read  books , take part in voluntary activity,do more exercises.Your have your battle in your mind,don't you?And you should also change in your daily life.You need to find some other activity to take the place of PMO.Otherwise you wil feel bored easily,which may lead to your failure.
While the prospects are bright,the road has twists and turns? Keep it up man?It's not so tough to quit ,but it's hard to stay determined and make progress every day!
Encouragement from another contient.

 

[LoneWolf]

Well,because I am not a native,English speaker,please forgive my poor English.
I have been freed from porn for 92 days.And I am a 17 year old male.Judging from your feelings and your activities,I think you life is not postive enough.I suggest that you should read  books , take part in voluntary activity,do more exercises.Your have your battle in your mind,don't you?And you should also change in your daily life.You need to find some other activity to take the place of PMO.Otherwise you wil feel bored easily,which may lead to your failure.
While the prospects are bright,the road has twists and turns? Keep it up man?It's not so tough to quit ,but it's hard to stay determined and make progress every day!
Encouragement from another contient.

I'm not a native english speaker too, haha. It's ok.
Thanks for your support and answer.
Yes, my life is not positive enough. I have depression and I'm a week without meditation which is the only thing that controls my depression. The only exercise I do during the day is playing basketball alone in my yard. I'm also changing my feeding, I'm 6 days without eating meat and eating more fruits and vegetables.
I have plans and projects and I'm doing as much as possible to go back to then. When I had 30 days streak without PMOing I was doing some exercise and yoga everyday. I was feeling amazing.
Thanks again, I'll try to come back to my routine.

 

[Hablablos]

Hello LoneWolf,

I would like to ask you a few things?

Why do want to recover from addiction? I know it sounds a silly question, but reason for that is simple. Because your mind will play many tricks on you, you need to know exactly why are you doing this. And the best thing you can do is to write these reasons somewhere to have them as a reminder.

Who do you want to become as a person?

What hobbies or activities do you or need to do in order to become that person?

If you are not sure about hobbies or activities I can recommand you these from my personal experince:

1. Plan your day - take a notebook and start planning your next day. Decide what will go first, what will follow. Also write a specific time when you want to start. Because when you write it down, you will feel more commited to do it. When you finish the activity, check it. By that you will see you completed it. Repeat this process every day, because this one is very crucial!

2. Read 10 pages of a book - for me personally this is a must. Even if I don't do any other activity, I do not dare to cross this one out. In my journal I made a list of books which I recommend to read, because they opened my eyes in many ways. For the start I recommend The Slight Edge.

3. Start working out - it doesn't have to be anything drastic. Just do 10 push up every day. After a month you can go for more. When you will see physical changes, you will feel better as well.

4. Eat a piece of a fruit - apple, orange doesn't matter. A simple act of doing it also helps a lot.

5. Take cold showers - this is actually a great shock therapy and great method how to start a day. Because doing that you will learn how to deal with uncomfortable situations more likely. I would recommend doing it in the morning.

Add yoga too, as you did before. But choose a ridicously small duration like 5 minutes.

Take a paper and write all these habits. Take them as a 30 days challenge. With the cold shower you can take easier approach, let's say 2 times per week. After this period these habit should become part of your routine and it will be actually harder not to do them. Also habits were what helped to from the self-hatred I felt for so long to actually like myself.

 

[LoneWolf]

Hello LoneWolf,
...

First I would like to thank you a lot. So, let's go to the questions:
Why do want to recover from addiction?
Develop and improve myself.
Be healthier.
Truly love someone.
To have the time wasted watching porn.

Who do you want to become as a person?

A wise being who helps people around to become more developed and in peace with the world and themselves.

What hobbies or activities do you or need to do in order to become that person?
Read a lot.
Study.
Write books.
Practice my spirituality.
Workout.


The mentioned things:
1 - I'll start to do today.
2 - I'll start to do that and increase 10 pages per month. I want to come back to the time where I'd read 100 pages per day. I have already read the slight edge but forgot to put the things in practice. I'll see the books that are in your journal.
3 - I was doing that. I'll come back to it.
4 - I already do that.
5 - I was doing that but now in winter I'm only taking hot showers. I will come back.

I'll write down NOW the habits on my notebook.

Thanks again.

 

[LoneWolf]

Day 7 (6 days streak): I spent the day doing nothing "because was sunday".

 

[LoneWolf]

Day 8 (7 days streak): I did what Hablablos mentioned and I could complete my list. I'll keep doing it, the feeling is amazing.
Today I'm feeling amazing, I spend most of my time developing more of my project and I've never been satisfied with results of my works as I'm now. I always felt like I never did a great job. But this time, I feel that this is a great job. For the first time I'm able to see my capabilities and my good work.

 

[LoneWolf]

Day 9 (82 days left to hit 90 days): I could complete my list again. I felt a little urge before bath but it has vanished after some time. I'm changing my counter to descending order, I think that in this way it's better. After hitting 0 I'll increase more 90 and so on.

 

[LoneWolf]

Day 10 (81 days left to hit 90 days): I miss MO. It's like an old good friend whom has long gone, I miss it. I'm think in the possibility of doing a MO tomorrow.

 

[Hablablos]

Hi LoneWolf,

when it comes to masturbation I prefer approach: If you have an urge, then masturbate. But don't use porn for it or a fantasy. Just focus on the pleasure alone. You need to accept you are sexual person and this belongs to it as well. I think it is better to masturbate from time to time without porn than risk another serious relapse with porn. I am aware of chaser effect and that is the reason why I am doing it only when the urge is really strong.

 

[LoneWolf]

I relapsed. I feel bad. There's no turning back on the path of addiction, I realized this on this O. Or I leave my addiction or I leave my addiction. I can't take it anymore, my body can't take it anymore. Every relapse is a depression level hard. Doing PMO has become the last thing I want to do again in my life. The only thing holding me to it is the addiction. I need to stop in any means possible, I need to found a way to block every porn site of my phone and computer in a way that I can't reverse this. I need to found I way to forgot about this, I need a way to not be able to touch my penis.
I NEED EXTREME HELP. I DON'T HAVE ANYONE AROUND ME TO HELP ME. HELP ME PLEASE, I'M CRYING FOR 5 MINUTES, THIS WAS THE WORST RELAPSE, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. HELP ME PLEASE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. ANYONE WITH A GREAT SOUL PLEASE HELP ME IN A EXTREME WAY, PLEASE. I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF.

 

[Jones]

I relapsed. I feel bad. There's no turning back on the path of addiction, I realized this on this O. Or I leave my addiction or I leave my addiction. I can't take it anymore, my body can't take it anymore. Every relapse is a depression level hard. Doing PMO has become the last thing I want to do again in my life. The only thing holding me to it is the addiction. I need to stop in any means possible, I need to found a way to block every porn site of my phone and computer in a way that I can't reverse this. I need to found I way to forgot about this, I need a way to not be able to touch my penis.
I NEED EXTREME HELP. I DON'T HAVE ANYONE AROUND ME TO HELP ME. HELP ME PLEASE, I'M CRYING FOR 5 MINUTES, THIS WAS THE WORST RELAPSE, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. HELP ME PLEASE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. ANYONE WITH A GREAT SOUL PLEASE HELP ME IN A EXTREME WAY, PLEASE. I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF.

:-\ I feel so bad for you right now,you've been trying this for a very long time now and you keep fucking your self up once the urges kick in.You need to stop using your phone when you're by your self,if you're always by yourself just don't use it.Be strict on yourself nigga,When the urges kick in just click that "shutdown" bottom on your computer or you can just keep yourself active by going to the gym,reading books,draw etc there is so much things to do other than pmo look at it bro look deep into yourself and always remember that.I 15 and i did this with just 1 try i had only 1 small set back from the other day when i watched porn because of the urges but i did't M.O. and i ended up into a flatline (which i'm still currently in), because I've a strong mindset i did't  pmo just tell yourself that if someone of this minor age can do it you can 2x. :-\ :-\
TRY AGAIN BRO