***My Crazy Journal***

123bob

123bob

Member
I may be a bit unique​

My Background

33 and have no problems at all really with my porn watching habits and no problems physically.

Every now and than I'll watch some weird genre of "darker" porn which kind of scares me because I know I'm not really into that in real life. I believe a few people have touched on it but it's just the thrill of searching for more and more difficult to find and different kinds of porn and than the goal of finding it that I get excited about... for example trying to find a series of a girl for free rather than pay for it. On a few occasions, with enough obsessive searching, I've actually found girls I've met in real life nude online !

^ not sure if this makes any sense... lol  :eek:  :(  :mad:

My Current Situation

Anyway I'm dating a girl for 4 years now. I love her. She's fucking awesome. And she is really gorgeous by standard. I'd honestly be insane to loose her. She basically called me out on my porn habits. She freaked out and basically told me she considers it cheating. She cried and got really upset.

At 1st I thought this was crazy and she should just accept the fact that until we get married and move in together that watching porn is just something I'll do. It's taken me almost a year to see her side of things. Additionally when I finally tried to stop watching porn and realized how hooked I actually am now it's become a bit of a situation.

I seriously can't go more than 2 or 3 days without watching it. Sometimes I'll just look at non nude stuff and try to use that as an excuse that it's not porn but I need to get over that as well and just break the habit in general of sitting at my computer and clicking around aimlessly.

Thoughts, Help, Feedback

I'm diving into this thing now head first... I don't even know where to start. It doesn't really take much to make me horny and every night it's just become routine. I can force myself to go a day or two without watching porn but than I get to a point, consistently, where I'm just like "fuck it it's just once" or "fuck I don't even care anymore"...







 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
It's good you started this, even if you're still watching every now and then. You gotta start somewhere. First we need to realize that we do harm ourselves with this. Then try to watch less, see what your triggers are, reflect what we are doing. Then we can start to move forward and leave it completely. Take your time, you are making progress!
 
123bob

123bob

Member
Cool and thanks for the reply !

Last night was a FAIL :( I didn't watch porn but I was on a blog and this really cute girl posted a video of her butt... sounds kind of silly but that was enough it do it.

Today is a new day and right now I'm feeling confident I can get through without doing anything.
 
123bob

123bob

Member
Day 2 SUCCESS ! Well only because I huge out with my GF last night...

We'll see how tonight goes :/ FML
 
123bob

123bob

Member
Great success last night !!! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :) :) :) :) :) :) 8)

Tomorrow and Sat will be easy too because I'm staying at a friends house and won't have access to a computer so hopefully next time I write in here I will be on 5 of sexy awesome no porn time w00t
 
V

vitam

Member
Read your story 123bob.  I think it is awesome that you are starting to have some success.  I also think it is great that you have a supportive relationship with your girlfriend - that is what life is all about.

I think that for long term success, your motivation will need to change somewhat.  It is very common for those who are motivated by something external (like a relationship) to fail in the long run.  But if you are motivated internally (this is something you want to change, because YOU want it) your odds are much better.

If you are looking at porn every couple days, this is the way you dealing with life.  The challenge is going to be to find another way of managing your life.  After a long day at work or whatever, you need to have something else to pick yourself up.  When you are feeling really good, you are going to need something else to reward yourself with.  You need find another way to manage your emotions.  You need to do some soul-searching and decide who you want to be.

Anyway, just my thoughts.  I'm glad that you are having some success and you are not giving up. Keep at it man.
 
123bob

123bob

Member
^ Awesome and thank for the note :) I totally agree and this is what I'm working on.



Everything is my life is a success. I have a sick job and make tons of $. I do martial arts and good at it actually and am in super solid shape. This the one thing that is just KILLIN me and holding me back.

On that note FUCKING FAIL  :( Last night was going to be day 6 but I fucking failed :( Think it was a long weekend and I was so stressed and tired and just wanted that fix.

DAY 1 BACK ON TRACK BRAHS ! ! ! let's doooooooo this !
 
123bob

123bob

Member
DAY BRAH ! I'm fucking killin it :D Fuck da dumb shit... I am dabomb.com and gonna meet my goals cause I kill shit 24/7 FOO ! ! !

2 DAYS FOO FOO Gonna get through today no prob
 
gotet

gotet

Member
Yeeeah! You smash that shit up brah! We are strong brah! Keep it up brah! You can do it brah!
 
Bibbity

Bibbity

Active Member
So what are you gonna do next time those urges hit?  Run? Pushups?  Ice cold shower?
You need to be a man with a plan!

Sex with your gf is going to get infinitely better when you stop wasting your sexual energy on other girls.  Right now you're giving that energy to someone that doesn't even matter to you.
 
123bob

123bob

Member
^ Thanks for the note and yah I play a lot of sports and train a lot ! I've been filling my usual porn time with sleep actually and if feels great.

Also my mental state is getting strong cause for a while there where no real challenges.

With that said I had a mini-relapse not really looking at porn but more non nude stuff. It was only one day last sunday so I'm just gonna keep going with my streak and unless it's straight up porn than keep it going ! ! ! Might be a cheat to some people but to me that is okay for this time around.



PPPPPPOOOOOOORRRRRRRRNNNNNNN FFFFFFRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE PPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAARRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYY ! ! ! w00 w00
 
123bob

123bob

Member
Sorry lol it's been a min since I've had time to write in here :) I had just 1 relapse since I last wrote and today is day 6 of a reboot ! WOW that is a long time to go without thinking about it much !!!

Pretty cool to think about.

Generally I'm slowly looking my desire to watch porn and am now looking at it as more of a recreational thing than an addiction thing but I am know I'm still addicted !!!

I"M ON BRAHS LETTTTTTT DO THISSSSSSSSSSS
 
123bob

123bob

Member
I've been doing so SHITTY  :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[

SUPER SAD FACES... I'm working on a bunch of stuff right now that should help. Keep you posted.

But I'm back to Day 1 and this time trying again.
 
O

oncelostnowfound

Member
Keep at it Bob.  The 'down time' is the worst for me too.  Dive in your work, hobbies, hell I started reading again.  Don't beat yourself up over a relapse.  This could be the one that sticks!!!!  :)
 
123bob

123bob

Member
Starting back up on day 1  :eek: :eek: :eek:

This time though Ive got a new perspective/motivation. We'll see how it goes.
 
123bob

123bob

Member
Sorry guys I've been so busy with life stuff... all positive though and ready to get back on this  :) :) :)
 
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