ShijiIkari
New Member
My background
Hi, I'm a 26 year old Italian guy.
I've started watching porn at age 11 but it wasn't on the internet. Where I live obscure local television transmits erotic hotline commercials with softcore porn immages.
I didn't have an internet connection until I was 17 year old, but I think I've started to be addicted to porn in my 20s because I didn't perform well in university and was feeling very lonely and depressed.
In my first year in university I didn't make friends with anyone and I've lost all the friends I had. When I was 21-22 I was feeling so depressed that I was rarely exiting form my room. All I was doing all day was watching porn. (During this period of my life I probably might have been defined as an hikikomori)
When I was 23 I thought that I had reached the bottom, so I've restarted university and tried to make friends. For a couple of years I've been happy because I thought I had good friends and I wasn't so lonely anymore. In this period the use of porn became limited and I think I wasn't addicted as I used to be.
I think that I've restarted watching lots of porn when I bought a smartphone because I can lock myself in the bathroom without anyone knowing what I'm doing. Also I've restarted watching porn because this year I was really lonely again, I've fall out with some friends, some other friends were to busy and others have moved to other places.
After all this I've started escalate to transexual porn, then crossdresser porn, then sissy hypno. I started thinking that I was gay and I've even signed to gay dating sites (although doing this it became clear that I really wasn't gay because I really wasn't interested in men and all I was doing was searching for transexuals for their feminine appearence...).
I never had a girlfriend beacuse I've always been rejected. When I was younger I was really hurted by rejection and loneliness. Right now I'm not really that concerned, and I don't know if that's related to porn addiction. I've spent most of my teen years crying at night beacause I was lonely and nobody wanted me. Right now I'm kinda ok with it, on one hand I'm still worried because I fear that I'll spend the rest of my life alone but on the other hand I'm really not suffering anymore for those unrequitted loves.
Right now I'm concerned by porn addiction mostly for HOCD and because of my lack of concentration that prevent me to work properly.
My objective is to have a 90 days reboot. I've already tried a few times but every time I used to relapse after a few days, so I thouht that writing a public journal might be helpfull.
Please forgive me if I made or will make grammar mistakes, English is not my native language...
Hi, I'm a 26 year old Italian guy.
I've started watching porn at age 11 but it wasn't on the internet. Where I live obscure local television transmits erotic hotline commercials with softcore porn immages.
I didn't have an internet connection until I was 17 year old, but I think I've started to be addicted to porn in my 20s because I didn't perform well in university and was feeling very lonely and depressed.
In my first year in university I didn't make friends with anyone and I've lost all the friends I had. When I was 21-22 I was feeling so depressed that I was rarely exiting form my room. All I was doing all day was watching porn. (During this period of my life I probably might have been defined as an hikikomori)
When I was 23 I thought that I had reached the bottom, so I've restarted university and tried to make friends. For a couple of years I've been happy because I thought I had good friends and I wasn't so lonely anymore. In this period the use of porn became limited and I think I wasn't addicted as I used to be.
I think that I've restarted watching lots of porn when I bought a smartphone because I can lock myself in the bathroom without anyone knowing what I'm doing. Also I've restarted watching porn because this year I was really lonely again, I've fall out with some friends, some other friends were to busy and others have moved to other places.
After all this I've started escalate to transexual porn, then crossdresser porn, then sissy hypno. I started thinking that I was gay and I've even signed to gay dating sites (although doing this it became clear that I really wasn't gay because I really wasn't interested in men and all I was doing was searching for transexuals for their feminine appearence...).
I never had a girlfriend beacuse I've always been rejected. When I was younger I was really hurted by rejection and loneliness. Right now I'm not really that concerned, and I don't know if that's related to porn addiction. I've spent most of my teen years crying at night beacause I was lonely and nobody wanted me. Right now I'm kinda ok with it, on one hand I'm still worried because I fear that I'll spend the rest of my life alone but on the other hand I'm really not suffering anymore for those unrequitted loves.
Right now I'm concerned by porn addiction mostly for HOCD and because of my lack of concentration that prevent me to work properly.
My objective is to have a 90 days reboot. I've already tried a few times but every time I used to relapse after a few days, so I thouht that writing a public journal might be helpfull.
Please forgive me if I made or will make grammar mistakes, English is not my native language...
