Journal: 29 years old, PIED

[8radishes]

Day 21: Relapsed and binged for a day. I went out drinking with friends the night prior. One of them I had already told about my ED and he was trying NoFap too, out of curiosity. He gave in after 2 weeks, though. Now he's back to masturbating, watching porn, and enjoying his sex life with real women. The other I just came out to, and he thinks my ED is caused by something else. Their opinions kinda got to me and, with the addition of alcohol, I gave in and PMOd.

I've been rebooting since December, and all its done for me is lower my self-confidence and take away my time and money.

The more I commit to rebooting, the more I feel defined by my ED. I've grown reluctant to date because of it, and I've lost countless hours and money interacting on forums and seeing therapists and ED experts. I've been at this for 9 months now, and I've seen zero improvement in my erectile health when it gets down to sex with a real partner.

I'm lost and disenchanted now more than ever. I'm starting to think that this reboot is not the real answer for me. Maybe my ED is from weed. Maybe it's about something much deeper than abstaining from dopamine rushes. I'm just hopeless now. All I want is a fulfilling sex life, and it's starting to seem like I'll never get that from this reboot.

 

[8radishes]

VISITED MY DOCTOR TODAY, AND HE BELIEVES MY ED IS NOT PORN-INDUCED (PIED).

I went to family doctor today to get a physical and inquire with him about my ED. I brought up the notion that my ED might be porn-induced, but he politely disagreed on the basis of (1) I still get daily morning erections, (2) I get erections during kissing and foreplay, (3) I am of a young age (30 years old), and (4) most young men watch porn and masturbate without developing ED.

My doctor gave me some samples of Cialis and advised me to report back if I use them, and to start seeing a therapist in case s/he can root out some other psychological issue that may be causing my ED.

For what it's worth, I trust this doctor very much. I've been going to him since early childhood, and I consider him in line with my core values related to health, wellbeing, and diet. I'm going to try his route with therapy and consider Cialis if I feel like it during my next sexual encounter. In the meantime, though, I do intend to abstain from porn and masturbation as much as possible - because I generally feel better avoiding the compulsion. Who knows, maybe a combination of "rebooting" and my doctor's recommendations will be successful.

 

[8radishes]

Day 2: Back on the horse. Despite my doctor suggesting my ED is not porn-related, I feel like avoiding PMO is still the right thing to do. At his recommendation, I'm going to consider professional therapy, too, if I can afford it.

 

[8radishes]

Day 4: Not sure if the noPMO reboot program will cure my ED, but I owe it to myself to keep trying at least until I reach 90 days straight hard mode. Super reluctant to date right now, because I've become so entrenched in my ED (which I used to happily ignore in between failed sex encounters). Now 30 and still perpetually single, which is unsettling. I'm more determined than ever to reach 90 straight days, because I honestly feel like my window for recovery is getting smaller as my life sex life continues to pass me by.

 

[8radishes]

Day 5: Feeling especially down these days. I ignored my ED for so damn long, and I'm jealous of the guys on here who are addressing theirs so much earlier than me. I'm now in my 9th year with ED. I spent all of these years just ignoring it, blaming it on weed, alcohol, picky tastes in women. Why it took me so long to try to deal with my ED just makes me so sad now.

For what it's worth, I'm at the point in my life now where the damage caused by my long-term ED has just made me repulsed by PMO, whether or not it is the cause of my ED.

 

[8radishes]

Day 5: Feeling especially down these days. I ignored my ED for so damn long that I'm actually jealous of the guys on here who are addressing theirs so much earlier than me. I'm now in my 9th year with ED. I spent all of these years just ignoring it, blaming it on weed, alcohol, picky tastes in women. Why it took me so long to try to deal with my ED just makes me sad.

For what it's worth, I feel like I'm not at a point in my life where I'm just repulsed by PMO, whether or not it has been the cause of my ED. PMO has been a poor substitution for real sexual affection and a waste of my time on earth. My sexual health is fucked, and I have no idea as to when it will be fixed. I can barely find the motivation to date now, which makes matters worse. I hear my coworkers talk daily about their frequent sexual exploits, and I feel dead inside. I can't relate at all. This is my one life on earth, and I'm missing out on one of the best parts of it: love, sex, and intimacy.

Hopefully, the future is brighter.

 

[8radishes]

Day 10: PMO urges have been relatively easy to ignore of late. I think this is partially due to my increasing disdain for the ED I've developed, as well as my gradual reduction in PMO since last December, which has gradually reduced my overall interest in PMO merely through habit. I am determined to reach 90 days of hard mode before I discount this recovery program.

 

[8radishes]

Day 19: Still chugging along, but not sure if this reboot will help my ED. Need to start dating already and find out what's going on. Only noticeable difference right now is raging erections each morning. They feel more intense than what I'm used to, but it could just be an overreaction due to prolonged sexual (masturbation) abstinence. Honestly, my gut is telling me that a one-time use of ED pills (which I now have) might be enough to get me over the hump. I've never had successful sex, ever. Perhaps if I can just force it - force my brain to realize that I CAN have sex - then I'll be fine thereafter. Either way, I'm sticking to this reboot, because I have to cover all bases.

The main reason I question whether or not my ED is porn-induced is because (1) I know so many guys who PMO often w/o having developed ED, (2) plenty of them had little to zero real sex before years of PMO put on, and (3) I have zero problems with erection outside of vaginal penetration.

Anyway, still looking forward to reaching Day 30, which will be a small milestone in hard mode for me. Will not stop until I reach 90.

 

[8radishes]

Day 21: I've been feeling considerably more tired than usual, and this has hampered my creativity and ability to finish some work projects. It just dawned on me that I've felt this way before on previous streaks around the 20-days mark. So, perhaps I'm in a dreaded flatline.

Still fighting urges, but trying to stay committed here.

 

[8radishes]

Day 25: I'm battling the occasional urge still, but for the most part breezing through now. Just waiting to get to 100, 200, 300 days - something substantial so I can feel like I've made progress beyond these streaks of 1 month or less. On the other hand, I've been trying to reboot for almost a year now, and I'd hope that counts for something. Unfortunately, last time I tried to have sex was May or June, and it wasn't successful.

Really need to start dating to test out my ED again, now that more time has passed and I have the magic pill at my disposal. Dating should be my primary focus, but work deadlines are unfortunately insurmountable right now.

*Drowsiness and fatigue reported a few days prior is now gone. I think this was actually just a result of being on antibiotics rather than being in a flatline.

 

[willtochange]

keep it up man, doing good.

 

[8radishes]

Day 27: No clue if I'm progressing or regressing because of NoFap. I feel no different from when I first started this program last December, and I feel more detached from my sexuality the longer I ignore PMO urges. The only difference I notice is more vigorous erections in the morning, which I think is just mental and has more to do with my body and brain desperately wanting to get a nut out after so long without one.

 

[Nope]

Hey 8radishes!

I understand your doubts about the process, but I think there is no way that NoFap is hurting your chances of having succesful sex. Right now (day 29 more or less) you're probably feeling flatline type of symptoms, so I guess it's normal you feel detached from sexuality.

I can completely relate to what you say about feeling more anxious since I know I might have ED, now that I'm rebooting. Knowledge can be scary, but at least now we have the tools to heal.

Congratulations on your 27 seven days!!! Keep strong.

 

[8radishes]

I understand your doubts about the process, but I think there is no way that NoFap is hurting your chances of having succesful sex.

The obsession with avoiding PMO reinforces ED as part of my current identity, which leads to decreased sexual confidence. When I didn't care about avoiding PMO, I was more in tune with myself sexually and not concerned about ED. This is how NoFap may be hindering or "hurting" my success.

 

[8radishes]

Day 30: Continuing to lose interest in this process, as I fail to notice physical or mental changes over time.

 

[8radishes]

Day 1: I relapsed over the weekend, because I'm still seeing no benefit of this program besides simply kicking a habit. It's made me reluctant to date, and I've observed zero benefit from all of the sacrifice and sexual self-repression.

Nonetheless, I'm still here.

 

[willtochange]

Day 1: I relapsed over the weekend, because I'm still seeing no benefit of this program besides simply kicking a habit. It's made me reluctant to date, and I've observed zero benefit from all of the sacrifice and sexual self-repression.

Nonetheless, I'm still here.

I feel the same way sometimes man but we got to remember that Science is showing us how jacked up porn is making our brains. There is proof and also there is proof of success stories, hold faith in those truths. Keep on pushing brother.

 

[8radishes]

I feel the same way sometimes man but we got to remember that Science is showing us how jacked up porn is making our brains. There is proof and also there is proof of success stories, hold faith in those truths. Keep on pushing brother.

Thanks for your support. The problem is - lots of anecdotal evidence suggests that PMO doesn't necessarily cause ED. What makes NoFap excrutiating at times is that I have ZERO CERTAINTY that this will cure my ED.

 

[8radishes]

Today, I tried Cialis for the first time. I'm sharing my experience, in case it helps others and/or I can get some positive feedback.

A few weeks ago, I told my physician about my persistent ED and my theories about its cause (including PMO). He recommended Cialis, and gave me some samples. I originally planned to not try it until my next opportunity for real intercourse, but I ended up trying it alone today at a friend's recommendation. (If I happened to experience side effects, it would be safer to deal with them alone and in the comfort of my own home, rather than with an unfamiliar partner.)

I took one 20-mg sample pill, and within 30-60 minutes began experiencing the following side effects, some or all of which have persisted throughout the entire day and as I'm writing this post:

Dry eyes
Fever/high temperature on forehead and neck
Nausea
Fatigue

As for erectile effects, I had a few spontaneous erections during the course of about 8 hours post-consumption, but nothing outstanding compared to any normal day. In summary, I found that the side effects of Cialis were not worth the potential gain I might get from this with a real partner.

So, I guess it's back to rebooting for me.

 

[Coastly]

Thanks for sharing all this, it was interesting reading you observations and I think we can all relate to feeling frustrated at times and questioning whether it's all worth it. To be totally honest, I think it is, and I can say for sure that porn caused my ED, although I agree that the science might be complicated. The important question that we all need an answer for is why quit porn? I don't know what your reasons are, but for me, it's because  the stress that it caused me made my life intolerable. I couldn't focus, became withdrawn and antisocial, wasted countless hours, almost lost my wife, and developed ED. Porn cost me all that, and it didn't give me much back. In addition, I just don't really like the feeling of being a drug addict - which we all are, addicted to dopamine, the same thing that hardcore drug users are hooked on.

Sorry to hear about the bad experience with Cialis, honestly, I think it's better to cure your ED through abstinence from porn if possible. Do you really want to take ED drugs at 29 years of age?

If you haven't already, I'd check out the book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Mate. I've almost finished, and it's really illuminated a lot about the addiction process, from the root causes to the brain science and recovery. Knowledge is power!

Keep up the progress and dedication friend!