I think I have finally isolated the reason why I keep relapsing ( maybe you too)

[Pisces21]

So, Im gonna make this succinct:

I had been struggling with HOC-D for the longest at the end of last year because part of the whole reason I stopped P was bc of my watching gay porn and not thinking it matched up.... and that's not really an issue for me as much now

But I am in my early twenties and Ive never had a long term girlfriend + I am a virgin

I think these things produce a lot of shame for me at times ( though I know I shouldnt be dictated by what the world thinks of me according to its standards) but it's tough sometimes ...

And I think it's those times when I am just wanting that intimacy and I feel that burning sense of lacking with something I really want- intimate sex with a woman I am attracted to- and I am just lying there horny at night , it makes it so tough not to just masturbate to fantasy of some hot girl I saw in the store, etc. Or even just look up my fav vids (if you know what I mean) on youtube.

It's like I am trying to compensate for my lack of experience... my imagination is unusually powerful and I can really emotionally feel like Im having sex with a hot girl while Im masturbating( and relapsing)... kind of embarassing

It's like I also feel this intense pain of regret... all those years..highshcool and college... I used to wonder why my friends were so flustered about girls yet I was content to be single... because I was a PMO/MO zombie...the instant gratification of that was enough for me..

It's pretty difficult for me... please help, how can I get out of this rut...this vicious cycle of shame about my life and trying to mend it through PMO/F(Fantasy)MO/MO

 

[prozilla]

I've never had a long term girlfriend either. I used to think that losing my virginity and/or getting a long term sexual partner would fix me, so I set out  on this epic quest to lose my virginity. Around when I was 19, I stumbled into a girl who wanted to have sex with me, and we had sex. Guess what happened? I looked at porn the next day.

You are partially right about intimacy, but man sex is only a small fraction of a relationship. You're only actually having sex 5% of the time and the other 95% you have to be with that person. You really just want a connection with a person, but your addiction keeps you isolated.

Honestly, the only way to get out of the vicious cycle is to improve the relationship you have with yourself. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's definitely a better road than hell. I'm not your psychologist, so I can't give you the magical solution. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.

 

[Pisces21]

Thank you so much dude... I needed that..

 

[gentleman86]

You are partially right about intimacy, but man sex is only a small fraction of a relationship. You're only actually having sex 5% of the time and the other 95% you have to be with that person. You really just want a connection with a person, but your addiction keeps you isolated.

Honestly, the only way to get out of the vicious cycle is to improve the relationship you have with yourself.

Post value of gold 

 

[E45]

I think these things produce a lot of shame for me at times

I think you need to give up the shame now. You did something that another billion men did too. True, that doesn't make it right, but everybody makes mistakes, and yours was a basic/common one. You only need to feel shame if you didn't learn from that mistake.

...just wanting that intimacy and I feel that burning sense of lacking....

This is totally human, 100% natural, and is the reason why everybody in the world wants a partner. It is what drives us to take the hurdle of finding that person, and makes us put up with the difficulty of living with someone (damn, that is difficult).

It's like I also feel this intense pain of regret... all those years..

Many people have wasted longer periods of their lives in crappy jobs and abusive relationships, never achieving anything. You are SO YOUNG you cannot count those years as anything significant. Focus on making sure you dont waste any more.

...this vicious cycle of shame about my life and trying to mend it through PMO/F(Fantasy)MO/MO

If you have read the scientific evidence available on http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ you will know that porn/fantasy is not going to mend anything. It is going to make it worse, every day. You have got to give up porn forever. You probably need to give up masturbation for a while. Maybe you need to learn about social interaction or small talk/flirting - both through practising it yourself and through reading about it. It takes time, but you are totally capable of doing it.

Above all, don't stay as you are. Change.