JasonGuitar
Active Member
I posted an intro about myself in the general PIED forum before I saw the journals, but I wanted to start a journal in the proper place to help keep myself accountable and get feedback from others that have shared the same experiences.
Last Thursday I PMO'd for the first time since first experiencing serious ED with my girlfriend. I am extremely attracted to her and very much in love with her, and I thought I had just spent myself too much and needed some time to recuperate, and last Thursday was kind of a trial run to see if I could get hard on my own and have an orgasm. The erection was hard to maintain, even by myself and with porn, and I ended up having an orgasm while barely hard. This happened to me the last time I PMO'd and I thought maybe the flaccid orgasms were causing issues with my penis and reproductive system. The last time I had an orgasm with my girlfriend, it was like I was ready to go as soon as she touched it, even though I was barely hard. The sensation made it so that I could not stay hard while inside her and it was very difficult to finish, though I finally did. This sensation has come back in the recent attempts we've made to have sex, where I am not hard, but feel as if I'm going to cum. Google searching these issue and flaccid orgasms is actually what made me find out about PIED and this site.
Last Friday was my first full day without porn or masturbating. I spent my day working, focusing on other things, it was a good day. That night, she told me she wanted to have sex and I got a wave of nervousness. Then, of course, once in bed, naked, I could not get hard. At this point I think it is a combination of PIED and my mind working against me.
Saturday was a busy day with her kids all day. No time at all to even think about porn or doing anything in real life. By the end of the day we were wiped and went to bed.
Sunday was more of the same. Had a great day with the kids and girlfriend, no thoughts of porn or anything digital. But nothing happening below the belt either. At one point in the bathroom I decided to try to get myself hard with only my hand and my thoughts/imagination. I thought about my girlfriend, sex with her, her body...nothing. Later, in the kitchen however, she hugged me and gave me a sensual, open mouthed kiss, and I felt a twinge in my groin. It made me hopeful that the next time we go to have sex, I will be more successful.
This morning I woke up with morning wood. It wasn't a 10/10 erection, but it was substantial enough that I probably could have had sex with it. It lasted for awhile before subsiding. I'm hoping this is also a good sign.
This week I travel for work. This used to mean a night in a hotel room looking at porn and masturbating until 2am, even though I have a really great relationship with a pretty girl at home. I don't know why I'm compelled to do it. But I will be strong, watch something non-sexual on Netflix and make it an early night.
Question, if my girlfriend wants to have phone sex while I'm away, should I take her up on it? I don't know if this impacts my recovery or not.
Last Thursday I PMO'd for the first time since first experiencing serious ED with my girlfriend. I am extremely attracted to her and very much in love with her, and I thought I had just spent myself too much and needed some time to recuperate, and last Thursday was kind of a trial run to see if I could get hard on my own and have an orgasm. The erection was hard to maintain, even by myself and with porn, and I ended up having an orgasm while barely hard. This happened to me the last time I PMO'd and I thought maybe the flaccid orgasms were causing issues with my penis and reproductive system. The last time I had an orgasm with my girlfriend, it was like I was ready to go as soon as she touched it, even though I was barely hard. The sensation made it so that I could not stay hard while inside her and it was very difficult to finish, though I finally did. This sensation has come back in the recent attempts we've made to have sex, where I am not hard, but feel as if I'm going to cum. Google searching these issue and flaccid orgasms is actually what made me find out about PIED and this site.
Last Friday was my first full day without porn or masturbating. I spent my day working, focusing on other things, it was a good day. That night, she told me she wanted to have sex and I got a wave of nervousness. Then, of course, once in bed, naked, I could not get hard. At this point I think it is a combination of PIED and my mind working against me.
Saturday was a busy day with her kids all day. No time at all to even think about porn or doing anything in real life. By the end of the day we were wiped and went to bed.
Sunday was more of the same. Had a great day with the kids and girlfriend, no thoughts of porn or anything digital. But nothing happening below the belt either. At one point in the bathroom I decided to try to get myself hard with only my hand and my thoughts/imagination. I thought about my girlfriend, sex with her, her body...nothing. Later, in the kitchen however, she hugged me and gave me a sensual, open mouthed kiss, and I felt a twinge in my groin. It made me hopeful that the next time we go to have sex, I will be more successful.
This morning I woke up with morning wood. It wasn't a 10/10 erection, but it was substantial enough that I probably could have had sex with it. It lasted for awhile before subsiding. I'm hoping this is also a good sign.
This week I travel for work. This used to mean a night in a hotel room looking at porn and masturbating until 2am, even though I have a really great relationship with a pretty girl at home. I don't know why I'm compelled to do it. But I will be strong, watch something non-sexual on Netflix and make it an early night.
Question, if my girlfriend wants to have phone sex while I'm away, should I take her up on it? I don't know if this impacts my recovery or not.