Journal: The trials of failure

J

junknonwer

Member
Hey there. This will be my journal from now on...

Its amazing how i relapse a few days before this post. Commited to keep myself clean and keep this going without porn and today im getting so many urges to see porn again and even masturbate to it...

Last night i had insomnia with difficult to start sleeping and waking up a lot of times during the night (dunno if it was related to this). And today im getting really intense urges to watch it and use it to pleasure myself. My dreams this night even were sexual themed...

I hope i keep strong.... I will hold on and check the posts around here.

Its almost like i feel a fire down there and i feel the urge to put it off. Its like its hot down there (i actually seem to feel like its hotter today on that area) and i feel the urge to touch it and pleasure myself to stop it.

But I will hold on...
 
FixingMyPenis

FixingMyPenis

Member
If you need advice or someone to talk to don't hesitate. I usually check this site atleast once a day and there are a lot of people who find that helping/talking to others aids in the reboot process.
 
J

junknonwer

Member
Day 10:

Today was quite a productive day as i worked a lot on my studies. Meanwhile I guess ive hit the flatline. The interest in sex is almost null at the moment... But i feel okay, quite better than while watching porn. Dunno if it is just because im quiting porn or also because i've been exercising a lot lately which might help me feel better. I will wait and see where the path leads from now on.
 
J

junknonwer

Member
Yeah, i guess weekends with too much free time arent a good thing. Mine was so busy i couldnt do much more rather than work xD
 
FixingMyPenis

FixingMyPenis

Member
It's hard to find a balance man. I always want free time, but when I have too much I waste it. When I don't get enough, I hate my life. That being said, as long as you didn't fap, you are succeeding in the reboot at least. That's something.
 
J

junknonwer

Member
Day 12:

Things went smoothly again. Im starting to get morning wood. Today i woke up with it, not much sustained but it was there. Not just once but some of the times i woke up. But one of the times it lasted a bit more. I think its good news.

Apart from that, im still on the flatline during the day, had a moment of fantasy in the morning.

Seems like nice stuff going on at my body. Apart from that not much went on...

I find it a bit strange tough, that after a period of PMO of about 22 years, since i was around 4yo, i'm getting such good indicators of recovery so early. I would expect it to last longer for me to start recovering and getting this kind of promising episodes. Lets see how this goes from now on.
 
J

junknonwer

Member
Day 16:

Everything going well. Still feeling morning wood and arousal by normal stimuli without P or M.

I'm feeling emotions more deeply. Specially negative ones. I started a thread in Porn Addiction area to ask people about this symptom and see if it is a usual feeling.
 
J

junknonwer

Member
Day 21:

Today i felt really depressed. Morning without energy and mood really low. At the end of the day it got a bit better but i had an headache.

Lets see how things go from now on...
 
J

junknonwer

Member
32 days and i relapsed.

Was talking to a lot of girls that i was kinda interested in. And this was making me crazy. So i couldnt hold and eventually went for P and M... Damn... Lets start back from the scratch...


Day 0 and counting...
 
D

DontGiveUp7

Active Member
Focus on the positives man. It's should motivate you to try again because you've done it before. Therefore, you CAN do it!
 
J

junknonwer

Member
Ill try...

Its difficult to restart after this relapse that ocurred after 1 month. Im gettiing a lot of urges do to it again and again like before. Ill hold, i want to go for it again and this time make it diferent.

I kinda relapsed because a lot of girls have been talking to me and one was flirting with me and it was being difficult to manage.
 
J

junknonwer

Member
90 days have passed today...

It wasn't easy but i did it. Getting morning wood again almost everyday. In a relationship with a woman at the moment which started during the reboot and really helped me do it. Sex is enjoyable and not getting much trouble with erection now. I still think, tough, that it will take some time to fully recover.

Almost relapsed yesterday and today. Watched a few seconds of porn on a streaming website and then closed it. Hope i keep this strenght and not fall now as i'm getting real improvements in many aspects.

Stay strong you all. Its worth it!
 
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