Porn stash

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junknonwer

Member
Hello everyone.

I'm holding on and keeping clean so far. Really commiting to the process of the reboot.

I have a problem tough, as i can recognize it as a serious problem. I have an external hard drive full of porn that i didn't delete yet. I'm wondering when will be the best moment to do it. I'm sure it's bad to keep a stash of it as it might promote relapse on the future. But i also struggle to delete it :/.

How long did you guys take to delete your stash? Did you do it in the beggining or later on?

I will continue wondering on this situation and think what will be best for me. I'm also scared i might go to delete it and end up just seeing a porn movie or something like that...
 
K

klarson27

Active Member
If you're holding on to it then you're not serious about your recovery.

Does an alcoholic keep his bottles of liquor when he quits drinking?
 
J

jstratham84

Member
I agree with the previous poster. You need to get rid of it once and for all.

I deleted all my porn (15 years worth, 4.5 TBs of it!) the day I decided to reboot.

I knew I would be like "just a short movie for 5 mins", "just gonna check this favorite of mine and not MO", etc. if I had it sitting out there.
 
C

Coastly

Active Member
Agreed. Just wipe it clean. If you're serious about recovering, it will feel really good. Don't think of your collection for the pleasure it might bring you, think of all the harm and pain it has probably brought to your life by now. That stuff is not your friend. 
 
gummianka

gummianka

Active Member
Hmm, I suppose that is up to you. Holding on to it will make it harder to reboot I suppose, but then again I have no idea how damaged you are. I also have no idea what we are talking about in that stash (and no, I don't want to know!  ;) )


Finally, I'd say it depends on what you want to achieve with this reboot. But for now, be weary that it is another temptation and you need to find a way to deal with that as well.
 
J

junknonwer

Member
I know what you all said so far makes sense. To fully recover i must erase all the things in the past that were part of the addiction.

At the moment it might be risky to go there and do it. It might increase my withdrawal symptoms - physical or psychological. I will have to do it later on but at a point at which im more advanced in the process of rebootal.

But trust me, ill do it :). Although i've been on this addiction almost 90% of my life time so far i will be able to erase it eventually. Usually im quite a stubborn person and i think that will help me during the reboot process. I wont let porn take over again... The last relapses were enough...
 
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NoMorePr0n

Guest
Delete everything. Now. Thats the only way.

I struggled with the same issue and in the end it makes things easier for me because to get to porn is a little bit more difficult that way, i also set filters to keep me from stumbling on to porn accidentally. Feel free to read my story if you like: http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=9427.0

We can keep each other motivated!

Get rid of all of your stash today, it will mak you feel great, really.
 
J

junknonwer

Member
I did it just now. Wasn't easy, but i did it. 1 terabyte of porn was destroyed just now...

Anyway, before doing it i couldnt resist to see most of the v?deos i had inside of the hard drive. So i spent the last hour and 20 min just seeing porn. I touched myself and stimulated while doing it but didnt O.

Anyway as this was a major victory anyway, i wont count this as a relapse and wont reset the counter. I think it was exactly the opposite. Although, before deleting everything i had a moment of weakness it didn't escalate to the point of maximum excitement and pleasure that would be O.

The process will go on... And im going stronger ^^.
 
J

junknonwer

Member
What is strange is that i dont feel bad about losing it but i dont feel better either. I just feel the same way. Like the fight is still beginning and i cant celebrate too early. Anyway i wonder if i shouldnt feel a bit better now and why i feel the same... I was tempted, almost fell to it, held myself together and stopped it before it was too late and even destroyed the major trigger that i might have around. And i dont feel better... Weird :|
 
Kwon5

Kwon5

Member
A lazy but costly option is to buy another external hard-drive and either destroy or physically remove your old external hard drive.

I've locked away my porn and placed it in the most inconvenient places in my house (attic, closet, storage unit in another city). I don't watch to destroy my collection, but I also don't want a daily reminder of the cues that fueled my porn watching habit. If anything, the greatest urges came, not from watching the porn I already possessed, but to see what's new on the porn streaming sites. Thankfully, I have a blocker extension on my web browser that prevents me from relapsing.
 
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NoMorePr0n

Guest
You made a big step, congratulations! I didn't feel better right away but after a few days I did.
Stay strong brother! You really made a commitment here, lots of respect!
 
K

klarson27

Active Member
I don't understand the logic of not completely destroying the porn collection one has.

It doesn't make sense..

I'd also be sure to completely wipe the hard drive (reformat it).  Addicts have a way of leaving a gateway open so that in their moment of relapse they can get right back into it. I know there are recovery tools that will allow you to restore deleted items from the disk.

Also, there's absolutely no reasonable logic to hold on to a porn stash if you are serious about recovering..

It's simply denial with the expectation that you'll be seeking porn again.

Don't kid yourself.
 
A

Arcturus

Member
In my addiction days, there was hardly any porn on my hard drive. It was all just online watching. I had an online account where I was marking videos as 'favorites', just like on YouTube. Deleting that account and all its data was easy. I tended to get bored a video very fast. I always wanted new videos. Watching a video just once (and masturbating to it) was enough to render it useless for future use. No matter how much I liked the girls or the scenario, I just couldn't get nowhere near as high if I tried to do the same, with the same video on a different day.

Nevertheless, a few weeks after I deleted the online account, my brain started begging for that content, any content. So yes... the less you are into something, the more you feel, the more sensitized you become.
 
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