1) Honesty and Transparency
Give her the truth about everything if you haven't already. Consider formal disclosure with a therapist if there is anything major she doesn't already know about. To move forward after all the lies that PA creates, you have to be an open book and to do that you need to have a clean slate with everything on the table so she knows what she has been dealing with. There may be moments of your past together that she has been questioning all along, this will finally give her the closure she needs to begin healing. Also, if you slip up from here on out, you have to tell her. Don't leave it for her to find out on her own, trust me, she will and you will be set farther back than you would have if you had just told her in the first place. 90% of the betrayal most spouses feel is from being lied to, no more lies.
2) Work on Yourself
For her to see change you need to actually change! Being active on here is a sign that you are already doing this! Get a therapist, get an accountability partner, and write a journal and keep daily logs of your emotions and notes of your day. Most of all though, you can't just be doing this for her. If you are "changing to keep her" then you will fail. You need to find reasons to change for yourself. Once you dedicate yourself to being clean for your own personal reasons your behavior will change and she will notice. In the first few weeks of the reboot I could tell that my husband was simply doing it to keep me. I knew that this "selfless" motivation was actually the most selfish one he could have found and it kept me up at night with worry that he would never come around and we would soon be divorced. A few weeks later he woke up and realized that there were plenty of reasons to do this for himself, and that was the turning point that gave me hope.
It wasn't in his words it was in his actions after he made that decision to change for himself. I'm sure you could ask him about that and he'd be happy to share, his journal is in the men's 30-39 section, rebootrapp. Once you commit to changing for yourself you will change for the better as a person and she will absolutely pick up on it. I have so much more respect for my husband now, despite now knowing what he did behind my back in the past, than I did before I knew and he was hiding everything. He has taken charge, is getting things done, is patient, kind, and unselfish. He is far more masculine now than he's ever been before, I don't know how else to describe it. Lets be honest, putting things off, not taking the lead, being impatient and selfish and beating off to images of women are considered traits of an acne covered teenager that lives under another man's roof, not those of a man. Become a true man and you will find your wife will begin to look at you in a new way, and have a hell of a lot more respect and desire for you!
3) Pursue Her
Think back to your dating days, what was that like? Did you open doors, take her on dates, get dressed up for her, listen, consider what she wants? There's a good chance you did, and if not then now is the time to start. This will come much more naturally after step two above because you will be far less selfish and will pick up on her desires far more readily. Pursuing her shouldn't be limited to sexual advances though. You need to win her over through friendship as well. Make her laugh again, be her confidant. Be there for her emotionally because almost every women here on the PA partners forum can tell you how draining it has been being with a PA who simply wasn't there for her, cut off emotionally with his head in some porn cloud daze while you self medicated all your emotions with this numbing garbage. Think about things she wants, and if you don't know then ask her!!! My husband actually asked me the other day if I wanted us to find him some sexier underwear for him to wear (he only really wears Hanes boxer briefs and they are getting a bit old!) I was floored that he'd even think to ask me that, he's always been of the mentality that I should have all the sexy lingeriewhile he just sits back in his birthday suit. I truly believe that is one of the easiest comparisons you can make between real life and porn, he had been the watcher and I was there for the entertainment...as evidenced by my three drawer mini dresser stuffed full of lingerie. Another interesting thing from all of this is that I don't dip in to that mini-dresser now during our recovery (because it isn't just your recover as the PA if you are married) since I'm afraid it will slow healing on his part by keeping him wired to visual novelty and will impede my progress as it will keep me in the mindset of having to preform and compete with porn. The interesting thing is that while that is put aside, I am feeling more confident and realizing that I deserve to look pretty for me, so I bought nice new, every day matching sets of bras and panties for me that he loves. It's not over the top sexy, not just for him, but in a way shows how much healthier we both are mentally now as we continue on our recovery.