My Life has been a mess

[ditching_porn]

Well here I am.  I'm 44, married to a woman I love and I'm a dad.  Haven't been able to really make love in a long time.  I've been travelling for work a lot, and I have substituted porn for real intimacy and now it's pretty clear after doing a whole bunch of reading that PMO has had a hugely negative impact.  For the longest time I've thought it was performance anxiety, and I think that's actually how it started.  I visited the doc and fell in love with the little blue pill.  Then I started to travel and all of a sudden I'm away from home 240 nights a year and wanking like a wild man.  Always to porn.  Because I was away so much, sex at home became irregular anyway, and with the inability to perform, it frustrated both of us, so sex just wasn't something we did.  So more wanking.  More porn.  The magic blue pill no longer worked.  But I could sure get it up with some porn, so the plumbing works. 

I'm home from the road and want to have sex again.  My beautiful wife is onside with helping me 'get my mojo back' and I feel great about it. 

I'm 6 days in, and feeling good about this decision.  Whether it's an addiction or a dependency or a tool, it doesn't matter.  Porn has gotta go.  I'm not so naive to think that just because I want to stop that I'll be successful, but I want to stop.  Badly.  And I need help.  I was so excited to find this site and the www.yourbrainonporn.com site.  I think there's power in knowing that I'm not alone and that what's happening has a name, and a process to find my way through.

Stay tuned. 

 

[Philonous]

The road back can be tough, DP, but it sounds like you've got everything in place to give it your best shot. Good luck!

 

[ditching_porn]

I'm going to try...my relationship depends on it

 

[Needs Coffee]

Now that you really know what the problem is, you are in the best position to fix it.

I'm not sure why you would think that your "life has been a mess". If you need counseling for any other problems, go get it. It really helped me.

I'm new here, so I don't have the experience to give you a big pep talk. But keep a positive outlook. Enjoy the good thinks you have in your life. Don't let the things that need fixing discourage you.

Best of Luck!

 

[ditching_porn]

Thanks for your words of encouragement. They are very helpful. I've recently started counselling as well so I'm in kind of a self-renovation phase. This is one if the things that's made my life messy and I'm trying to deal with the other messes too. Turns out that with every layer of the onion that gets peeled back, it becomes more and more clear that all the messy parts are related and they kind of all intersect at porn.

 

[ditching_porn]

This has been the longest I've gone without jerking off in about 25 years and the longest without porn in about 5 years. I know I'm only at the beginning of this journey and based on what I've  read, the difficult part is about to begin. I really want this to work. Badly. I've had some nice morning wood and even got hard when my wife touched me in the kitchen while kissing me. That hasn't happened for a long, long time. Even she noticed. Anyway, I know it's early days and that the heavy lifting is about to begin. Reading posts here has really helped a lot.

 

[ditching_porn]

Here we are at day 10. So far feeling ok. Been getting erections just thinking about sex with my wife. No porn and porn thoughts leaking in. I did stroke today, not edging, not cumming, but just enough to satisfy myself that it was a real erection. And it was. That feels like a win because for so long a real boner only happened with porn. I don't know if I'm doing this right or not, but every day feels better. Am I deluding myself?  Is there an inevitable crash lurking around the corner?  I travel a lot for work and I was just away for 2 nights and for the first time, no PMO. Sort of missed it, I think, but I wasn't struggling to keep it together.  I dunno. Am I feeling too positive?  I think one of my biggest triggers was loneliness and lack of intimacy. I'm not feeling nearly as lonely now, and my wife and I are more intimate... Holding, kissing, touching... And that has made all the difference. I've also moved my computer out of the man cave into the open. So now I don't have a reason, and I don't have the opportunity.  Sorry for the blah blah.

 

[Needs Coffee]

Congrats on your progress.

Am I feeling too positive?

I'd say, stay positive!

Is there an inevitable crash lurking around the corner?

No, I think it's like a literal "fender bender". A car accident isn't "inevitable." Similarly, a PMO "accident" is most likely if I'm not careful to keep paying attention to the road ahead. (Okay, you can have a car accident that is someone else's fault and completely out of your control... but I doubt that someone will blindside you with PMO completely against your will. Illustrations are never perfect  ;D )

...no PMO. Sort of missed it, I think...

In my experience, PMO is like a terrible relationship. I stayed in some bad ones telling myself, "it's good sometimes." Nope. They were a waste of time and energy when I could have built a good relationship elsewhere.

 

[savingmysoul]

Welcome to the Nation,

You do have the power to be successfull in this quest.  You must believe that, and yes stay as positive as you can.  This is long road, there will be ups and downs.
We all have the strength to beat this, close that chapter, and move on as better men, husbands, and fathers.  It is great to hear that you and your wife are working together, and you are feeling the intimacy and not as lonely.  All positives.  Moving the computer is also a good move.

With all the traveling you do, you are going to have to plan some other healthy activities to replace all that time you PMO'd.  Which you can do.  Reading, for me, has been a wonderful diversion.  Perhaps now you will be able to fill that time with longer phone calls with your wife.  Anything you can do with your wife is a plus.  For me - i am 45 married with 2 kids - i am learning to cook more with my wife and this has allowed me to fill that time, while at the same time spend my time doing something that benefits others, not just myself.

Hang tough, find your strength and walk with all of us this path to a much better place.

SMS

 

[OldHornyGuy]

Hang in there DP!  Sounds like you have been undergoing some big changes and changes take time to adjust to.  Being on the road 240 days a year must have been hell and it is no wonder it screwed things up, it is completely unnatural!  But you are home now and you know what you want, good luck keeping on the path!

 

[Viper]

You're right, you're not alone-
YOu made one small step for being porn free and a giant leap for a better life.
I remember being on business trips and it's the worst time to be hooked on PMO.
It's a different hotel room with a different bed and bathroom. And it's just you and
your thoughts. 6 days is an excellent start. Some days will be better than others.
When you have a bad day, it will get better. Never think that it gets worse because
it doesn't. If I can overcome this, you can too.
Take a large pic of your family in a frame and carry it with you at all your stops.
Put it on that desk that you usually see in every hotel room and look at it from
time to time. Just a little something to remind you what you're fighting for.
If you prefer to have it closer on the night stands, than go for it.
We can all use any inspiration we can to get us through the day.