the road to recovery.

[heroack]

I just had 24 hours clean of porn. Today i woke up and didnt think about it or had the urge to look ag it. This website has helped me out alot. Am not saying that everyday will be the same but am off to a good start. This journal i know will help me and i know some of you guys will too.

I have a question though. If am making love to my girlfriend and close my eyes and think of porn scenes, its that consider as watching porn? Well i thought about it and yesterday i didnt think of anything else but my girlfriend while making love to her because i really want my brain to reboot.

I use to be a fun energetic sociable guy. I use to be the center of attention , the life of the party and a leader. But all that has changed seens ive been watching porn. Am not as social, i dont like to be around people, am always nervous of almost anything that could go wrong, it even turned me into a punk, a bitch that its scare to face some one. Well am busy right now i cant keep writing but i know this helped me by taking all this out of my chest. I will read some people journal to get more encourage. Thanks.

 

[fnatk]

I have a question though. If am making love to my girlfriend and close my eyes and think of porn scenes, its that consider as watching porn? Well i thought about it and yesterday i didnt think of anything else but my girlfriend while making love to her because i really want my brain to reboot.

Hey dude, you've taken the biggest step which is understanding that you have an addiction to porn! That's great! Now as for thinking of porn scenes while making love to your GF... not good! It should be about you and her, not something you've seen on a computer screen, that's your porn addicted-brain messing real sex up for you!

I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to being the energetic sociable guy, I used to be the same and I still am sometimes. But my PMO addiction has changed me, I don't like being around people as much these days and I've become extremely lazy! When you could spend 3-4 hours in a day just searching for that right clip to PMO to... what interest did hanging out with real live people have? None for me at least, which is insane!

Have you watched Gabe's videos on the frontpage here? They're a great start with furthering your understanding of this addiction and the more you read up the better equipped you are to handle this! Read some of the success stories too, they're great for inspiration!

 

[heroack]

Yes i know its bad. Today would be my first day clean and i know it wont be easy to recover from tbis but i have faith i will. I strongly want to go back to my normal self. Thanks for ur advice its trully helpful.

 

[fnatk]

Of course you can recover from this! And you're right, it won't be easy. But you've taken the first steps, will you fall along the way? Most likely. I relapsed twice since I discovered that I had this addiction and even went in several months of denial about it... months where I was extremely depressed, didn't workout, socialize and gained a few kgs more of fat from just sitting by my computer and fapping to P 

Others have beaten this addiction, Gabe is a great example and there are lots more, you can read some here in the link below, hopefully it can help motivate you to stay on this path you've started to walk, the road may be long but you're not walking it alone.

Rebooting accounts, tips etc:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts

One of my favorite posts that I felt hit extremely close to home and probably the most difficult one to read of them all, but still worth its weight in gold:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/my-thoughts-rebooting-extremely-long-post