2 weeks and counting

[metal22]

Life's been crazy late this week.  Our house still hasnt closed and the stress had been building about it.  We at least got word its really close,  so I think we feel better (haven't had time to fully digest it).
Also this might sound kinda weird but there is an old victorian house that is coming down a block from our house and I've been salvaging parts for our fixer.  We just feel inspired but reclaimed things,  and since this house will be demolished in a week we've been feverishly removing things.
Other than that things seem good.  I'm feeling like my wife is starting to make friends and that feels good.

 

[metal22]

Had a good weekend.  Got quite a bit done and still had a great time with the family on sunday.  I feel encouraged about our communication as I think its improving.  So far its a good week.

 

[metal22]

Got to see a band that my wife and I have loved our entire marriage. It was amazing!  I havent danced with my wife in a few years, and not at all in the last year.  I felt warm and fuzzy inside,  and last night reminded me of when we were newlyweds.  It felt great to feel so connected with her.

 

[metal22]

Have been reflecting on things.  This is typically where I start to slack off in our relationship.  I am attempting to push through it though,  and keep up the effort.  For instance yesterday I was making myself lunch,  but then paused for a sec and decided to make enough for the family.  The old me would have just happily plugged away just making enough for myself.  There is still a long ways to go,  but little steps is where I'm at.
Things have been going well otherwise.  I'm pretty sure our OR house will close this week,  which would be a massive relief for all of us.

 

[Gracie]

Do not slack!  It gets better and better.  Look at how far you and your wife have journeyed.  My husband and I went to a favorite band concert.  Main floor danced and sang.  Connectedly.  You two are great!  Keep loving each other!!

 

[metal22]

Thanks Gracie,
So I'm under a great deal of stress.  There's good and maybe more challenging things about recovering from PA.  The good is that under all this stress porn,  oogling and all of that crap is like the last thing on my mind (devote like no thought per day to it),  but the challenging thing is my emotions aren't dulled anymore,  so when I'm stressed I get rather upset a lot easier than before.  I'll need to figure that out.  The house closing has me going nuts!

 

[Gracie]

Welcome to the not numb world!  My husband also feels things more acutely than he did before.  But give this some thought, are you also now more receptive to others feelings?  He more keenly picks up on non-verbal cues from others and especially me.  Kind of like being hard of hearing and then you hear everything and its with the volume turned up.

 

[metal22]

Gracie,
Yes that is more like it.  I do pick up on cues more than I used to.  I'm sure I'm still rather obtuse though,  I think that's just part of my personality
The house finally closed.  What a relief!  Now we can be more fully present to this community.  Plus,  we can now make real progress on this project house we bought. 
The inlaws are here too visiting in their motor home.  It's nice to have them here,  I think we all missed each other.  Plus our house needs all the plumbing rebuilt and my father in law knows plumbing better than me.
Things are going well.  When they leave I'd like to start doing some work on our relationship by reading some books together and let that create some conversations.

 

[metal22]

Things are going okay.  Finally having resolve with the Oregon house has been nice,  and having a budget to work with on the new house feels good.  I hadn't realized how much I had been striving for quite some time to make the cash flow for our living and our business work. 
This last week I've been reflecting on how the stress has decreased and how I need to stay on my game. 
Still busy though.  Business is picking up in terms of orders,  and quotes. 
Having the inlaws come right after the house closed kinda screwed up my rhythm though.  I needed to order a bunch of material,  pay some bills and such but was distracted by their visit.  Trying to play catchup this week has made it hectic.

 

[malando]

Sounds productive, man. Everybody gets derailed by family visits. It's a normal thing. Don't think of it like a debt you have to put in double effort to pay back. You'll get back on track with normal effort. Just remember to keep your eye on building things with your wife and family all the time - don't allow work and the house to consume you to the point where you aren't talking and having fun together regularly. Work to live, not live to work. Good luck!

 

[metal22]

Thanks Malando,
Things are going pretty well.  My wife went to go visit her sister so I'll be home alone this week.  I'm far enough past the beginning stages of this addiction that I feel confident I can control myself.  I know that as long I stay strong and don't give into even the littlest temptation I do well.  It seems that us addicts once we make one justification,  no matter how small that's when the trouble can start.
Our house that we have been working on got broken into this weekend.  We aren't living in it,  so that kindof a recipe for theft.  Nothing much was stolen expect a worn out cordless drill and flashlight.  It gave me the excuse to go buy some new tools ( and not keep them at the house when I'm not there).  So it wasn't a huge deal,  but it's got me uneasy.  Like I have a bit of trouble going to sleep at night because now I'm worrying about it.  I'm going to do a bit of theft proofing the house and hopefully that will make me feel better.  Also having the family away makes it harder for me to sleep too,  since I worry about them too.
I'm going to check in everyday this week.  It would be good for both of us.

 

[metal22]

Checking in.  Today was good.  Nice weather,  had a lot to do and felt like I was spinning my wheels a bit.  Missing my family though,  but they should be back thursday which will be nice.

 

[metal22]

I'm excited that the family is coming back today.  Feels like things are coming together in a good way.  Stress levels have been down,  as I got the house lit up like a christmas tree at night.  Fingers crossed that it works and keeps the bad people away.
Gotta stay on my game though.  Will business picking up,  the project house,  and the shop still needing to get finished there is a lot of keep track of and work on.

 

[Gracie]

Good to see you being so positive!  Working on an old house is an adventure!  Enjoy having the family back!

 

[metal22]

Things are going pretty well.  I started reading a book called Breathing under Water.  It's a faith based book on the 12 steps.  Has plenty of good information,  plus it gets you thinking about stuff.
My PA support group leader spoke at my Church Sunday.  It was great to hear.  Porn,  and really any sexual deviance never has been talked about in any church I've been to before,  so it was an interesting experience.  Of the 200 and some churches in this town,  we have picked the one talked about topics that no one else seems to be doing.  I don't consider it a coincidence that God brought us here at this time and place with the stuff we are working through.
My wife has also started a group for partners of PAs.  I'm very excited and hopeful about it.  Addictions cause so much damage for everyone,  plus feeling alone for anyone is an isolating experience.  It's good to know others are out there for both addicts and spouses/partners of addicts.

 

[js2004]

Your journal is a great read and very inspirational. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

[metal22]

So after that sermon by my group leader I'm puzzled why no-one has come up for the PA group,  or the partners group.  Do I live in an area devoid of porn addictions?  I really don't think so.  Or is it society really hasn't gotten a grasp on it? 
Things are busy busy here.  But things are going pretty well also.

 

[malando]

So after that sermon by my group leader I'm puzzled why no-one has come up for the PA group,  or the partners group.  Do I live in an area devoid of porn addictions?  I really don't think so.  Or is it society really hasn't gotten a grasp on it? 
Things are busy busy here.  But things are going pretty well also.

Well, no one knows better than us how such an addiction promotes shame. I think there would be many - maybe dozens who would like to take such a step, but they can't bring themselves to do it. Maybe it's the personal embarrassment, maybe they have this secret from their partner and don't want word to get around. These things take time to gather momentum. It might take a year before people avail themselves of such an option. Unfortunately the thing that usually drives men to act is the impending doom for their relationship.

The same sort of embarrassment and humiliation could be preventing the partners group from gaining traction.

I think the only thing that could wear away people's resistance would be announcing it regularly and outlining what P can do to relationships - imploring anybody who is experiencing the symptoms in their relationship to seek help before they destroy everything. At some stage, people in trouble will take notice. There's no doubt there are people there who want and need help. I guess it's hard because you might have kids around in the general sermons. I think there's probably a way to reach the adults and make them aware of what this service seeks to do. Maybe an electronic newsletter directed towards adult members.

 

[metal22]

Checking in.
Doing well though have been inordinately tired lately.  And now I've been drinking more coffee.  Not sure if that's a good thing though.  I'm going to try to get to bed earlier and see if that helps.  I haven't been staying up particularly late,  but I'm also not keeping a really close on my bedtime either.