Day 0/30
Hi everyone,
I am back, so the past months I fell back in to my old behaviors. Lot of watching porn, and being careless with my budget, lot of time wasted on social media, netflix etc. Unfortunatly, I have to go very deep before I am able to pull myself out again. And I am at that point again. I have a job where I have to be very social, and that goes fine. But besides that, I don't feel like doing much social things. I know it is because of the porn and masturbation. If girls show interest in me, I don't feel interested or motivated at all to do something with it. I rather go out of the way. And I know I will regret this a lot later if I don't pull myself together and fix this. Because life is going quick, and I know it would be better without it. And I have to quit in this lifetime, to be able to die in peace. So I might aswell do it now I am still young. Sounds a bit dramatic but it is true, I want to look back on my life and be proud of the obstacles I have overcome.
Like I mentioned earlier, people noticed it on me. If for example I watched porn and masturbated a bit excessive a night before work, people ask me what is wrong with me. So, I am very curious to see how this will change. I know I am not supposed to feel like this, so drained of energy and a bit anxious.
Happy to be back here.
Edit: I am also go to put my screen time here, to become more aware of that. Because I know I use my phone & laptop way too much.
Phone: 5.40
Laptop: 6.10
Shocking numbers lol, I know these days a lot of people are struggling with this, but it is kind of scary how much time I waste behind my screen. And that in combination with a full time job, I don't even know how I do it. I must say I also do some useful stuff on my laptop like studying but still.. I guess awareness is the first step.
Another thing I noticed is that there is a correlation between me doing weight lifting / running and nofap. So either when I workout nofap is easier. Or the other way around. But in this case I started working out again 1 week ago. And now desperately feel the need to quit PMO again.