Porn is not an option

[GBS]

Now I just want you to know I tried my first cold shower today. Started warm, two minutes. Switched to cold. After about 15 seconds I hear a call from outside bathroom. It is the unmistakable voice of my son… “you ok, Dad?” “Yeah, sure” I replied “just having a cold shower”. I hear a slightly sarcastic “ok…sure” from my son. I switch back to warm.

As I trudge down the landing a few minutes later, his bedroom being directly outside the bathroom, he says “why the fuck would you do that Dad?”. I didn’t reply.

He has a point!

 

[Blondie]

Thank you for that @GBS. Same thing happened to me, but instead it was my dog wondering why I was so stupid.

 

[strongfuture89]

Hey, I´m doing Wim Hof cold therapy for over a year. Wim Hof said to adapt to the cold by keeping calm and that advice helped me and my friends too. If you´re making too many grunts or screams, it means you´re stimulating your sympathetic nervous system too much. So, go with a tolerable temperature and take slow breaths. Over the days, slowly go to colder temperatures. Always slow breaths. I go in cold immediately but starting warm is also possible.
Cold water therapy does wonders on chronic stress.

 

[Blondie]

Day 668
62 days to two years
14 cold showers

Hey, I´m doing Wim Hof cold therapy for over a year. Wim Hof said to adapt to the cold by keeping calm and that advice helped me and my friends too. If you´re making too many grunts or screams, it means you´re stimulating your sympathetic nervous system too much. So, go with a tolerable temperature and take slow breaths. Over the days, slowly go to colder temperatures. Always slow breaths. I go in cold immediately but starting warm is also possible.
Cold water therapy does wonders on chronic stress.

Thanks @strongfuture89, I will keep this in mind, I didn't quite realize that. After the first few days I really wasn't doing this much anymore, except to impress my Lady when she was around. It's amazing how fast the body adapts.

Best brother.

 

[Blondie]

Day 669
61 days to two years
15 cold showers

 

[Blondie]

Day 670
60 days to two years
16 cold showers
Fuck porn

 

[GBS]

670 fuck porns

 

[Recovery Will Come]

Amazing your still going strong.. Keep going brother

 

[Blondie]

Day 671
59 days to two years
17 cold showers

I had a few urges two days ago, but I did nothing with them. I believe giving myself permission last week to think about looking, even for a moment, opened up the door just a little in my head. Even just a small dopamine hit to the head was all that was needed to get those old pathways firing. Obviously it's nothing what it use to be, but still, it's right there all the same. It's amazing to think how fast I could fuck all this up even this far out. I will not, but it still blows my mind to think of it. I imagined yesterday what that would feel like screwing up right now, and I tell you what, that would completely destroy my world right now. There is no pleasure in it folks, not even a little bit. Maybe I needed that little scare just to remind myself to not get complacent.

Cold showers are going great, I literally just take the whole shower in cold water now.

670 fuck porns

Indeed @GBS.

Amazing your still going strong.. Keep going brother

Thank you brother. Keep going strong yourself.

Love you all

You all have a great porn-free Sunday.

 

[Blondie]

Day 672
58 days to two years
17 cold showers

 

[Blondie]

Day 673
57 days to two years
17 cold showers

 

[Shodan]

It’s inspirational! Can’t stress enough the importance of cold showers, they’re amazing!

Keep going with Godspeed!

 

[Blondie]

Day 674
56 days to two years
18 cold showers

So I've been facing my past demons and childhood trauma like crazy these last few days, and let me tell yeah, I'm deeply hurting inside. The pain, the sadness, all my anger, all the shit I've been hiding in my soul all these years, I'm trying to lay it out to get a grip on it. My natural instinct has been to run away (especially last night!) to drink a bottle of wine, to eat too much (I did a little bit of that) or worse things, but I've stayed the course so far, and for that I feel a sense of pride in my heart this morning. But to be honest, it's humbling to know that I'm almost two years away AND only one click away from my destruction.

Every day we face the choice before us, to face our demons and problems head on, or to face a mere visage of pleasure and then the inevitable destruction that fellows. I like this new me, it's not always pretty, but that sunrise in the morning sure looks a whole lot better on this side of the fence.

You don't get to heaven by trying to dodge hell.

Love you all

Blondie

It’s inspirational! Can’t stress enough the importance of cold showers, they’re amazing!

Keep going with Godspeed!

They really are @Shodan! I just got of the shower and I feel completely regenerated.

Godspeed to you.

 

[Androg]

So sorry to hear that it has been rough. Let's hope awareness leads to clearing the ghosts for good.

In my experience, as a long-term traveler in the human psyche, most such problems are healed by re-framing them in some way. For example, if someone was pissed at a parent for not getting them out of a less than ideal situation when they were a kid...and just kept ruminating on the "injustice" of that...a healing insight might be the crystal-clear realization that the parent was doing the best they could at the time, even if it was piss-poor.

There's no saying what the key insight(s) will be that lets you re-frame your situation...because it will be unique to you. But keep your antenna up and tell yourself that you will receive the necessary insight(s). You will. And when it comes, you will have a new "mantra" for dealing with any painful echoes of the former rumination.

 

[Blondie]

So sorry to hear that it has been rough. Let's hope awareness leads to clearing the ghosts for good.

In my experience, as a long-term traveler in the human psyche, most such problems are healed by re-framing them in some way. For example, if someone was pissed at a parent for not getting them out of a less than ideal situation when they were a kid...and just kept ruminating on the "injustice" of that...a healing insight might be the crystal-clear realization that the parent was doing the best they could at the time, even if it was piss-poor.

There's no saying what the key insight(s) will be that lets you re-frame your situation...because it will be unique to you. But keep your antenna up and tell yourself that you will receive the necessary insight(s). You will. And when it comes, you will have a new "mantra" for dealing with any painful echoes of the former rumination.

Thanks for this @Androg. How did you know it had to do with my parents?

Best

 

[GBS]

Dude,

I am sorry too, but I smiled at the end of your post. Why? Because not only did you not give in, you showed us that we need to keep working so hard. If we do, we shall beat this thing. We will do it together. I was 99.999% sure I will be fine tomorrow, but now I have read your post I am even closer to 100%. We do this together and we do it right and we do it now.

I almost feel angry. It’s a really good anger. None shall pass……because of you, dear boy.

I have got your back. Never forget that please.

 

[Androg]

Parents are obviously the source of all problems...because they brought us into this mess.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 674
56 days to two years
18 cold showers

So I've been facing my past demons and childhood trauma like crazy these last few days, and let me tell yeah, I'm deeply hurting inside. The pain, the sadness, all my anger, all the shit I've been hiding in my soul all these years, I'm trying to lay it out to get a grip on it. My natural instinct has been to run away (especially last night!) to drink a bottle of wine, to eat too much (I did a little bit of that) or worse things, but I've stayed the course so far, and for that I feel a sense of pride in my heart this morning. But to be honest, it's humbling to know that I'm almost two years away AND only one click away from my destruction.

Every day we face the choice before us, to face our demons and problems head on, or to face a mere visage of pleasure and then the inevitable destruction that fellows. I like this new me, it's not always pretty, but that sunrise in the morning sure looks a whole lot better on this side of the fence.

You don't get to heaven by trying to dodge hell.

Love you all

Blondie


They really are @Shodan! I just got of the shower and I feel completely regenerated.

Godspeed to you.

Here for you brother. Journaling is a big help, otherwise therapy is always another option. Sometimes it just helps to unpack this stuff, either with yourself or a professional

 

[Shodan]

Sorry to hear that brother but at the same time I’m glad. Glad because that’s the part of yourself you’ve long since buried under years or IP and that’s the heart of it. It happened to me last year on my longest streak and damn did it hurt, but remember brother - if you’ve reached the heart of the beast then that is where you kill it. You’re crushing this thing, look at you! An inspiration to more than you know. Those that hurt you acted only on what they knew at the time, if they’d have known better they would have done better, this what I tell myself. It helps to understand also a persons actions towards you is a reflection of them not you. You’re the fucking man! Rooting for you

 

[Blondie]

Day 675
55 day to two years
19 cold showers

Dude,

I am sorry too, but I smiled at the end of your post. Why? Because not only did you not give in, you showed us that we need to keep working so hard. If we do, we shall beat this thing. We will do it together. I was 99.999% sure I will be fine tomorrow, but now I have read your post I am even closer to 100%. We do this together and we do it right and we do it now.

I almost feel angry. It’s a really good anger. None shall pass……because of you, dear boy.

I have got your back. Never forget that please.

Thanks for this @GBS, I really appreciate it! We really will beat this thing together, and that makes me very happy indeed.

Love you Sir.

Parents are obviously the source of all problems...because they brought us into this mess.

True. But that doesn't excuse the insane dysfunctional family I have that no one ever wants to actually admit. It's come to that point (utter denial!) that I just need to walk away for a time and need some space between me and them.

Here for you brother. Journaling is a big help, otherwise therapy is always another option. Sometimes it just helps to unpack this stuff, either with yourself or a professional

Thank you @First_step_thousand_miles, that means a lot. Yes, journaling helps, and I even wrote a "letter" to them recently just to get it out of my system, who knows if I'll ever send it. I'm sure I could get something out of therapy too, but I want to talk to them first, not in anger, but just to let them know, for the first time, how I feel and continue to feel about their denial of some of the shit in my childhood that has affected both me and all of my siblings. It is true what @Androg said, that everyone did the best they could at the time, however, that doesn't let you off the hook for your shit, it just puts it into perspective that's all. We all make mistakes, but if you can't actually admit it and stop acting like a child, I can forgive you but I won't forget. If they ever want a chance of a real relationship with me in the future, they're going to have to admit what happened to us, if not, well, I'll just be cordial on the holidays out of respect for being my parents but that will be about it. I have to protect myself and my sanity, at least for now.

Thanks brother!

Sorry to hear that brother but at the same time I’m glad. Glad because that’s the part of yourself you’ve long since buried under years or IP and that’s the heart of it. It happened to me last year on my longest streak and damn did it hurt, but remember brother - if you’ve reached the heart of the beast then that is where you kill it. You’re crushing this thing, look at you! An inspiration to more than you know. Those that hurt you acted only on what they knew at the time, if they’d have known better they would have done better, this what I tell myself. It helps to understand also a persons actions towards you is a reflection of them not you. You’re the fucking man! Rooting for you

Thanks @Shodan, I think you're right about this, reaching to the heart of the matter, I sure hope so. I'm tired of dealing with this shit, or maybe, not dealing with it!

My parents are good people, but it can be real hard to see them that way, even when I actually still want to. I've realized that I've been living in denial too, I probably got it from them! Dysfunctional families go both ways, it takes two to tango as they say.

Best man, I appreciate it.