Day 675
55 day to two years
19 cold showers
Dude,
I am sorry too, but I smiled at the end of your post. Why? Because not only did you not give in, you showed us that we need to keep working so hard. If we do, we shall beat this thing. We will do it together. I was 99.999% sure I will be fine tomorrow, but now I have read your post I am even closer to 100%. We do this together and we do it right and we do it now.
I almost feel angry. It’s a really good anger. None shall pass……because of you, dear boy.
I have got your back. Never forget that please.
Thanks for this
@GBS, I really appreciate it! We really will beat this thing together, and that makes me very happy indeed.
Love you Sir.
Parents are
obviously the source of all problems...because they brought us into this mess.
True. But that doesn't excuse the insane dysfunctional family I have that no one ever wants to actually admit. It's come to that point (utter denial!) that I just need to walk away for a time and need some space between me and them.
Here for you brother. Journaling is a big help, otherwise therapy is always another option. Sometimes it just helps to unpack this stuff, either with yourself or a professional
Thank you
@First_step_thousand_miles, that means a lot. Yes, journaling helps, and I even wrote a "letter" to them recently just to get it out of my system, who knows if I'll ever send it. I'm sure I could get something out of therapy too, but I want to talk to them first, not in anger, but just to let them know, for the first time, how I feel and continue to feel about their denial of some of the shit in my childhood that has affected both me and all of my siblings. It is true what
@Androg said,
that everyone did the best they could at the time, however, that doesn't let you off the hook for your shit, it just puts it into perspective that's all. We all make mistakes, but if you can't actually admit it and stop acting like a child, I can forgive you but I won't forget. If they ever want a chance of a real relationship with me in the future, they're going to have to admit what happened to us, if not, well, I'll just be cordial on the holidays out of respect for being my parents but that will be about it. I have to protect myself and my sanity, at least for now.
Thanks brother!
Sorry to hear that brother but at the same time I’m glad. Glad because that’s the part of yourself you’ve long since buried under years or IP and that’s the heart of it. It happened to me last year on my longest streak and damn did it hurt, but remember brother - if you’ve reached the heart of the beast then that is where you kill it. You’re crushing this thing, look at you! An inspiration to more than you know. Those that hurt you acted only on what they knew at the time, if they’d have known better they would have done better, this what I tell myself. It helps to understand also a persons actions towards you is a reflection of them not you. You’re the fucking man! Rooting for you
Thanks
@Shodan, I think you're right about this, reaching to the heart of the matter, I sure hope so. I'm tired of dealing with this shit, or maybe, not dealing with it!
My parents are good people, but it can be real hard to see them that way, even when I actually still want to. I've realized that I've been living in denial too, I probably got it from them! Dysfunctional families go both ways, it takes two to tango as they say.
Best man, I appreciate it.