Recent content by stillme

Since I am passed the year mark of d-day and being the partner of a recovering porn addict, here are some things that I have personally learned on this journey when it comes to me, my relationship, and the impact of porn addiction and porn addiction recovery on my family: 1. Trust your gut...

This video series on the Myths About Partners of Sex Addicts is really, really good. This is the first time I heard a professional discuss things we have literally talked about on this forum. It is really hard to hear at times because some of the damages of counseling discussed are things I have...

This is honestly the only article I have read in over a year of dealing with my husband's porn addiction/porn recovery that gets at the 'thing' that has bugged me so much about all of this. I am honestly almost in tears reading something that truly 'gets it'...

I have been doing some truly fascinating reading of the work of Dr. George Simon and all I can say is, "Wow!" The premise is helping to understand the nature of disordered people and how hard it is to have a successful relationship with a disordered person. Like many people here, the biggest...

Well, it has been a couple of months since I posted. Things are still in limbo with my husband and I, mainly on his end. He is desperately trying to get me to stay in the marriage. Making all the wonderful promises that sound so beautiful, until it is actually time to walk them out. Then, of...

So, as our year winds down since d-day and the 'big decision' is coming up, I find myself close to making the opposite decision I thought I would have. In discussing things this weekend, I found out that while my husband has kicked the porn habit, he has not yet kicked the lying habit. He...

I decided to start a thread specifically for those on the longer road to relationship recovery and recovering from d-day. The hope is that this can be a safe place to discuss the highs and lows without judgement or assumption that your spouse isn't "grateful": Highs: My husband has really taken...

Okay, so I have seen two types of unhealthy advice. The first time was when my husband had a counselor that told him all of his addiction was as a result of 'low self esteem' and that he should go online to try to find some 'friends' that would help him find happiness - since of course his wife...

I just realized why I had been seething with rage the last couple of days. We are coming up on an "anniversary" and my subconscious realized it before my conscious mind did. But, I definitely started to realize it with my conscious mind - a LOT. I know the timelines of all of my husband's...

So, I started venturing in the other forums - something I said I wouldn't do, and by gosh are they severe triggers for partners! I have seen multiple posts this week with guys confessing to "secretly relapsing" and trying to recover without telling their significant other - often times a wife...

My husband and I are doing well, we have settled into this 'new' relationship. It is no where near what we both wanted when we took our vows thirteen years ago. It is better than it was when he was masturbating to porn for five years of our marriage, but we don't lie to ourselves - it is no...

I read a lot of resources on trust building and forgiveness and one of the most eye opening was on the concept of 'cheap forgiveness'. It happens when the emphasis is placed on the person wronged to forgive quickly because they 'love' the person and what matters is love. The big thing with cheap...

As my husband and I engage in the hard work of seeing if there can be true reconciliation, I have had to dig deep in a number of areas. Like most partners, my husband presented the concept of 'compartmentalization", where he claimed his porn use was separate from his feelings for me. I...

I just replied to someone's post on this issue, but thought I would make a new thread. This is one area of porn addiction that I haven't seen addressed very much, but one that is proving to be what feels like a potential nail in the coffin for my marriage to a recovering addict. There is...

I am trying to keep an account of how "I" am doing during this process. I still have my extreme ups and downs. I still get extremely disappointed when I feel that my husband isn't making the progress that I would like to see on the emotional/connection side of the relationship. Right now my...