Age 30, 200 days no porn, rebooting with partner, ups and downs

[misc person 86]

I actually thought your counter was as mistake as you seem such an expert! Nevermind, improvements can be made. I can remember how I felt the initial months. It gets better! Just think of the benefits, work out, resist porn, feel better!
I'm still having some depressing days but overall, I'm so much better than I was mentally in January this year.

 

[KeepUpTheGoodWork]

Well I just decided to try to be more accountable for my actions. I've actually been trying for over two years to quit using porn. I've read articles, taken up mindfulness, etc, etc. but I never took the step to be more accountable.

This time, I'm on here, I'm sharing my experiences, trying to help if I can and being more open about my struggles with it. My girlfriend is on board too. Prior to this time, I would occasionally let her know when I slipped, but I kept a lot of secrets from her and it was ruining our relationship.

Early on in our relationship, I had issues with ED and DE, and even now I still have those problems, albeit not as often. I guess it's been more like a long, soft reboot for me, and I'm ready to go all the way this time and be serious.

Also, I'm re-reading a lot of stuff right now, so it's still fresh in my head. I learned about karezza like 8 days ago. ;-)

I'm really impressed with the progress you've made - seriously, the streak is fantastic and continued progress will only be easier when you have someone to share it with. Good luck!

 

[misc person 86]

Had sex again last night. Was really good. Took me a while to get hard I suppose, and needed a bit of physical simulation. But once I was there, it was awesome.

I think, it took me a while to get going as I was:

1. Thinking that evening that we might have sex and I may not be ready following previous orgasm (refractory period, PIED, temporary flat line, P/A, paranoia?).

2. Distracted by the TV... Not a big fan of having the TV on AT ALL, but it was to disguise the noise in the bedroom (she staying at parents).

3. I was red hot and very tired from the gym/work.

All in all, I think it went really well. I was on top to begin with (something that a few weeks ago I just couldn't do), and then she was on me, having multiple Os... Even after I came, I was hard enough for her to have another O... Definitely need to practice delaying my orgasm though. I don't think I have PE as I can control it... I just get over excited at the fact I'm having sex and just wanna blow.... Next time I'm gonna take it even slower.

 

[misc person 86]

Forgot to mention too, I had ridiculous MW and involuntary erections throughout last night (after sex - important I think?).

I had totally forgotten what it was like to have MW... It's actually annoyingly satisfying... Or do I mean satisfyingly annoying?

 

[willtochange]

Man i've really enjoyed reading your journey and especially your last few posts. Way to stick to no porn and your journey has made me smile a few times and look forward to all that in my future.

 

[misc person 86]

Mate, really glad to hear that. I feel kinda weird going into everything so in depth and descriptive but it is helpful to me to notice trends and patterns... I think it's helpful anyway, though now may be a good time to just stop thinking about it entirely... But I'm obsessed.

Glad you're enjoying the posts.

 

[misc person 86]

Just checking in.

Had some of the best sex of my life... Well, yea definitely the best! Pretty much every day for the last week.

Totally thought I'd cracked it... But just the last couple of days I've noticed that I'm getting more aware of my willy going soft half way through, and my confidence and libido seems to have dropped. I'm still finishing hard, but less in control of position etc.

This has happened a few times over my recovery, but each time I've bounced back from it and then each time when my libido comes back in full I'm becoming more of an animal in bed... Which lasts for a few sessions, but starts dwindling again... But dwindling not as much as the last time.

It's definitely 1 step forward, half a step back with this recovery. Never ever thought I'd be capable of having the kind of sex I've been having recently so I'm so bloody happy... It felt so good rocking my girlfriend's world that much but the pleasure and horniness I felt too was beyond anything I've ever felt with a woman... I didn't even think it was possible.

So yea, I'm in a little bit of an anxious state right now, as I'm pretty sure if we had sex tonight I would struggle to perform as I did last week... But rather than beat my self up about it, I KNOW that my mojo will return after a few days and I'll be raring to go once more... Hopefully with more improvements.

I don't know if this is a PIED recovery pattern (anyone else going through phases of high and low libido when recovering with partner after sex started again?) or whether this is just a normal sex life in general?

I would like to think that whether I'm in the mood or not, I COULD be turned on and enjoy the same level of sexual enjoyment that I know I can have, without any anxiety or loss of libido half way through sex. I hope this will eventually be possible for me.

 

[misc person 86]

Ha. Exactly as I expected. Didn't finish last night. Spent a good 40 minutes on foreplay, massaging my gfs body and giving her oral everywhere. It was so damn hot... But then when it came to intercourse I knew I wouldn't be hard enough for going on top... So laid there whilst she rode me (she came twice, God knows how). I was thinking throughout "can't really feel my willy, can't really feel it"... Which obviously killed my erection and I didn't finish.

Why could I not feel it?
Maybe it's because I used shit loads of lube on her? I know from experience now, that it shouldn't really matter. In the past if I'm turned on enough, I'm hard enough and sensitive enough to come from even the tiniest bit of vaginal friction. My gf has a very tight fanny too, so I'm not putting it down to anything like that.

It's got to come down to P/A again (but really? I'm not anxious with my gf at all) or possibly pure PIED creeping back in... My brain getting bored after a while? I hope not, I really hope not but it's all I can imagine it is... Is my brain seeking novelty ?

Still I know after a break, my desire will come back... it always does with a vengeance.

 

[willtochange]

I think you may be draining yourself sexually lol. Maybe your refractory period after so much sex in a short amount of time increases, give yourself time replenish yourself. =)

 

[misc person 86]

Well, my high has now gone back to a depressing low.

Had really good sex 5 days in a row... Noticed on the 4th and 5th day I was less "horny" for it but carried on anyway.

The last 3 evenings have all been failures. Creaming my beautiful hot gf up with moisturiser, in and out of all the cracks felt and looked so good, but I just didn't feel like I ever got hard enough. She went on top for a bit but I called it off as I had no focus and couldn't imagine it happening. It's been the same for the last 3 nights and now my depression is sinking in again.

Really gutted. I know deep down that my mojo will come back again, hopefully on fire... But I need this intermittent flat line stuff to stop...

Is there anyone out there who got through this!? It's not like I'm not horny initially, but as sex progresses I just lose my desire.

 

[misc person 86]

Just was in a jacuzzi with my gf and we started getting it on... She wanted it there and then, lost my erection. It would've been amazing. I'm so low right now. My gfs upset too. Not sure I can handle much more of this pain.

 

[misc person 86]

Quick update. Last few sex sessions were great, as I'd expect in a normal relationship. I'm over the fricken moon. I hadn't seen my GF for a few days lastnight, so I knew I'd be quite horny... I was quite anxious through the evening and at one point I was laid there naked with the tiniest ever dick hahaha. It was like it retracted... I was thinking "shit, this ain't gonna happen". It did though, I got down and dirty with her and soon was rock solid... Had problems getting it in her vagina I was so wide... Lube is no longer an issue at all... In fact, I look forward to lubing up, whereas before, my nob was so desensitised I feared lubing it up... Now, it's just a part of the awesome process. I have good control over my ejaculations too, which I was worried about, coming through this recovery, but yea I'm happy with my time spent in the sack. We spoke about how far I'd come in 7 or so months, and my GF is a little worried I may stray from her now that I "can have sex". I will not be doing that as my GF is everything I need and more, and has put up with my shit. But it was a slight confidence boost to hear that. Part of me wants to success story this up... And tbh, it could have been classed as a success months ago when I first orgasmed through real sex... But as I've learned from rebooting with a partner, there is still a rocky road ahead once you start getting your erections back (if you're wanting "regular" sex anyway). I also am hesitant to success story this as I am likely to see improvements every month... So at what point am I really recovered? I think I still could even drop into a flat line at some point... Who knows. At the minute, my last 3 sex sessions have all been consequently successful... Maybe if I can get that number up to 10 I'll post a success.

 

[David Albert]

Sounds great man  I think your recent problems came from the fact that you ejaculated too often and you needed time for your mojo to be replenished. As Gabe Deem said, even when you become cured you will continue to see improvements for months after, so keep going man. Your refractory period should get shorter and shorter as time goes on. I would suggest, if all goes well and I assume that it will, to post a success story maximum one month from now. Best of luck man ! 8)

 

[willtochange]

Congrats man, reaping all those benefits for sticking with it. =)

 

[misc person 86]

Thanks everyone!! Yes I'm enjoying life right now for obvious reasons. So gutted I was missing out on this for the last 15 years, but nm... Time to make up for it. Will post success once I hit 8 month, maybe 9. Will c how I'm feeling.

Cheers all.

 

[misc person 86]

Just an observation lastnight. Had a nice HJ as GF on her period. Nicely solid and sensitive etc. I noticed though, how much better and normal my semen looks. In the past i it's basically looked like water, and not much of it. Last night though there was loads, and it was the pearly/milky consistency I remember. Don't know why or how PMO affects the cum but mine looks normal again.

 

[willtochange]

Yes i know exactly what you mean, when i would PMO i would do it so frequently that it was so thin it almost just looked like colored water. I've noticed if i have abstained form mo for a few days its very thick, creamy and pearl in color like you described. It's also a bit tougher to milk out. lol

 

[CVMD]

Hey man, just wanted to say thanks for writing this stuff down.  I'm in a somewhat similar boat.  31 years old, virgin but not ashamed of it, PMO'ed for 15+ years.  I decided I would give up porn on January 1, 2016 but I've PMO'ed maybe 8-10 times since then and masturbated to erotic stories and pictures on dating apps much more often.  Now I started seeing a girl that I really like.  She stayed over on our fourth date and we fooled around, but I could only occasionally get hard and even then only 50-60%.  She was disappointed and I told her I was just nervous (which was true, but not the whole truth).  It finally gave me the motivation to delete my porn stash.

I plan to tell her about my inexperience and my history of porn use when we meet this weekend.  I hope she is willing to stick around and be patient with me, and I want to please her sexually even if I can't use my penis to do so.  It's good to know what I might experience, and that while things won't be smooth they should slowly improve over time.  So thanks for sharing.

You said you tried Viagra and Cialis and weren't happy with the effects.  Have you tried anything for nervousness like meditation, therapy, or drugs?  It seems like things are improving for you anyway, so maybe it's good to keep going as you are.  I've thought about trying any or all of these things since I want to be able to have sex sooner than later, but I'm not sure I'll actually do it.

 

[misc person 86]

Hi CVMD, no problem, glad to help.

Drugs didn't work for me because I wasn't aroused enough for them to work, due to 15+ years of porn abuse. Also, around 4/5 months I could get a real erection on my own without visual simulation so knew the plumbing worked and I didn't need the pills.

After I could get my own erections, but still couldn't with my GF, I spent a LOT of time putting this down to nervousness and performance anxiety, which more often than not made me miserable, frustrated and depressed whilst I tried countless variations of hypnotherapy and meditation... Looking back I don't think these things helped my PIED at all, but they may have helped me relax in life in general, plus helped me feel I was doing something positive... So yea. Give them a go if you want but I know now that what I really needed was more time.

Definitely leave the P alone and be honest with your girl like you said. It may take months to recover like me, and if you manage to get some successful sex in there great, but still it's an ongoing process which goes forward and backwards a lot as you recover with a partner.

One last thing, like you... ALL I wanted to do was satisfy my girl so desperately... The pressure I put on myself was not helpful... Focus on improving your life first, not just in the sack. If you give it time, and avoid porn you'll only see improvements over time. It's easier said than done though... Hell, look at my earlier posts... I was a mess!!! You'll get through the other side though, the reboot works.

Good luck.

 

[misc person 86]

One more good shag then I'm posting a success...