Age 30, 200 days no porn, rebooting with partner, ups and downs

[misc person 86]

OK, so I think I'm out of flat line again. Had sex the other day... I was totally focused and in the moment, lots of kissing and passion. I focused solely on how she was touching me, the sound of her breath, her smell and the feel of her body. It was incredible... I was horny, hard and was passionate. I tried to not look at her body too much incase I started "viewing" her, which i believe is what I start doing if I start losing my libido/entering a flat line.

The good news about all this is that I've not orgasmed back in to a flat line like previously, as I'm still quite horny. I was ready the following day and this morning (though, she wasn't up for it... Damn - though, this will keep me on my toes whilst I'm working away for a couple of days).

My biggest streak of successful sex was 9 times over 2 weeks. I got ahead of myself and was considering a success story at 10... But somehow I messed up... I went in to a damn flat line and started trying to "turn my self on" more by looking at her explicit bits a lot when I felt my dick going soft... So I'm going to try do things a bit differently.

1. Not look at her body too much and keep focused on the less visual elements of sex. This I'm finding is great for rewiring.

2. Try limit sex to once a week for now. Probably won't happen because when my sex drive is high I find it hard to control it... I need self discipline with this because i know too much too soon WILL send me back in to flat line... So I must take it really slow... It's a blessing in disguise that I'm working away and my darling GF wasn't up for it this morning. OK maybe twice a week for now.

3. Plan when I go to the gym better. Probably unrelated, but i do heavy lifting and freaked out when I read about over working, cortisol and testosterone. I'll try to make sure I don't do a heavy leg work out on the day/day before possible sex. Might have nothing to do with it but who knows.

Goal:
I'm aiming to slowly beat my 9 sex streak without ED issues/flat line. I know recovery is non linear... But this would be a major confidence boost so it's important I manage it this time. Last time I was getting carried away and had my GF in sexy lingerie and all sorts... Lovely, don't get me wrong, but it did pull me in to focusing visually which I think was my downfall... If she does wanna get extra sexy I MUST, MUST remain focused on touch, feel and smell... Rather than start ogling over how nice her fanny looks in a sexy stocking suit. Doh!!!

 

[misc person 86]

Just checking in. Still out of a flat line. Sex is greater than ever... Libido is through the roof. Multiple hardons through night... my poor GF being pestered by me at 2am lol. Had no idea that my sex drive could actually be this good and sex feel so satisfying. Sex has recently been incredible, intimate and my penis is so sensitive... Or to put it more accurately, my brain is associating penis sensation as it should at the moment...

I know I'll probably have another flat line... I'm still trying to hold off from having too much sex, though if it wasn't for my GF being a little more selective to sexy time than me I would've probably over done it by now... So, she is helping me from not over doing orgasm and risking flat line (whether she realises it or not). It's making me quite horny when I don't get any for a day or 2 but I kinda like how I'm so looking forward to just kissing, touching and smelling her body!!! Right now, this is amazing.

 

[willtochange]

This is great to hear man, keep up the good work. I really like your  plan on not viewing only her body but also the other aspects of sex.

 

[clamborne]

Argh! Maybe you guys can help me with this.

So I finally managed to actually be intimate with my gf over the past two weeks. We didn't actually engage in sex, but there were three hand jobs involved and lots of wet rubbing while I was on top of her (neither of us had any condoms at the time, so sex could have happened). A little bit of Viagra was involved but the main thing is that I was aroused enough without it to be honest, and was definitely still horny around her in the days after. Lots of random boners and one was even a morning hand job once the pill had worn off.

Hurrah I thought, I'm well on the way to beating this and amassing some sexual experience! I was almost walking on air last week.

Fast forward to last night. My dick just felt dead. All the arousal I felt when holding hands and kissing disappeared and it took a lot to even get a 50% boner on top of her this morning.

What the hell is happening? Am I back in a flat line? How do I get out of it? We have the next two nights with each other where I was planning (and looking forward to) initiating sex.

Just feel so confused and demoralised now. I just don't understand how my sense of arousal can disappear like that. Have any of you guys been through this?

 

[clamborne]

Sorry to hijack the thread...

 

[misc person 86]

Argh, hate that shit Clamborne... Not sure. Could be flat line again. If you didn't O it seems a little strange... Did you orgasm at all?

 

[clamborne]

Yeah, so I orgasmed three times (when she gave me the HJs, which felt great!).

Generally I'd say that I felt reasonably horny around her the last two weeks too. Wouldn't say that my libido was back per second, but definitely got random erections and morning wood happened every day, followed by a couple of random boners while lying in bed snoozing. Also just felt myself getting really hard just kissing her and holding hands in the lead up to popping the pill. In fact, I only really took it to be absolutely sure, and it did give me a bit of a boost.

But yeah, the biggest thing I noticed is we went out last night and did lots of kissing and hand holding, which would usually get me pretty hard. But this time around...nothing.

I just don't get it. It's like someone's flicked a switch and it's kinda freaked me out a bit.

 

[misc person 86]

This definitely has happened to me a lot. Long term, I wouldn't worry about it as your recovery will still be ongoing as long you keep off the P. It's annoying I know, and I worry about it every time it happens. All I can say is that it may be a temporary flat line, which if it is... When you come out of it sex will be 20x more amazing. It could also not be a flat at all... Sometimes I ain't getting no random boners but when it comes to the nitty-gritty I can get in the mood and go for it. I've learnt that unfortunately, the only way to know what your libido is doing, is to test it with sex. Trying not to freak out about it if it's not successful is the hardest part. Sorry it's not much help but I'm pretty sure you're doing things right and what you're experiencing is normal.

 

[Farmer1016]

Just want to say that I want to be just like you when I grow up.

I read through your journal and the progress you've made is impressive.

Congrats man! Keep up the good work.

 

[clamborne]

So hard not to let something like this make it seem like everything is back to square one. Especially when we had planned for he next three nights to be "sexy" time. Normally that would have been enough to break me into a cold sweat but the last couple of weeks had me feeling really upbeat about things.

So so difficult to reconcile being rock hard just holding hands one week and the next feeling nothing and having your junk shrivel like a prune. I wish I could just understand why it happens more than anything.

How many of these setbacks did you have Andy? And how severe has been the fluctuation in your libido. I still don't feel like I have any, but the last few occasions I was with her it felt like everything was just working without my even thinking about it. Even just touch felt a little bit, I dunno..."electric" for want of a better word. This time around it just felt, literally, like touching skin. I could almost have just made a cuppa and then gone to sleep I was that detached from the experience.

Also, is there anything that helped you get out of these episodes? I'm running and cycling every day, eating salads for lunch, lots of vegetables for dinner. I'm as lean as I can be I think. Not really a whole lot more I can do on the diet front

 

[Farmer1016]

Calmborne, you're probably aware of this, but is your bike seat one of those that is designed to be better for a man? Research indicates that regular bike seats can cause men to have issues due to the pressure they put on the concealed portion of the penis.

 

[misc person 86]

I've had a lot of them mate. The episodes of loss of libido... Literally dead dick. They seem to last about a week when I have them, but the frequency I'm getting them is becoming less and less... Read through my journal and you'll see plenty of feelings of despair similar to yours. I go to the gym to take my mind off it... Try get plenty of sleep and don't put pressure on yourself. Your sex drive will replenish when it's ready. Remember, we are suffering from PIED and sexual exhaustion. The very fact you're getting turned on by this girl is a big accomplishment.

 

[clamborne]

Thanks for the encouragement Andy.

Anyway, the night I posted that message nothing happened. I really was exhausted in a very strange way that I've never felt before. I'm not sure what triggered it, but it wasn't the usual feeling of being a bit tired. Pretty much felt like I could sleep standing up the entire day.

The next day though, success! We even planned it by cooking at mine and buying condoms before hand, which got me a little anxious, but just got tired of not going for it. And then the next night too, a couple more times. Now, I did use a blue pill each time, but what's changed is that I'm comfortable having her see me standing to attention now and am relieved that she's not pointing at me laughing or wanting to run away at the sight of my penis (my perceived inadequacy of my equipment has been a major source of anxiety for me for years). In fact, she even pushed me back a bit and asked me to be gentle, so in a weird way that was kind of reassuring (not in any way saying that I'm taking pleasure in hurting her of course, but it just gave me confidence to know that she wasn't going to turn around and say "is that it?", which was one of my biggest fears).

I guess now my two big goals are to a) ween myself off the pill (going to try half next time), which I'm reasonably confident about, because I have had a handjob and got myself off through rubbing with her in bed in the morning, well after the effect of the pill has worn off...

And b) try to get some sensitivity back in my penis. I think I'm so used to coming from using my own hand, that being inside someone felt strange. Really nice obviously, but the difference in friction and pressure is vastly different from using my hand. I'm still not at a point where light brushes and touches are stimulating (I remember what this felt like back when I started watching porn and masturbating, but I lost that sensitivity long ago). Is there anything I can do to help bring this back? My gf said she's started on the pill, so when I'm back from work business abroad in a week's time, we're going to try without condoms. Presumably this will help, as I'm sure the fact I can't feel much with a condom isn't helping.

Saying all this my libido is still low generally. I notice the day after intimacy I'm generally hornier, but still have no desire whatsoever day to day. When I'm in the moment with my gf I can get into it, but outside of that there's no urge to masturbate or anything.

Nonetheless, sweet success! For years the idea of being naked around a girl I fancied put me into a borderline panic state, so while not perfect, this is definitely progress.

 

[misc person 86]

This is brilliant news mate. Really pleased for you. Yea, ween off the pill, though if you weren't aroused you wouldn't have got hard anyway, so just remember that. You don't need the blue pill. I'm still not recovered and have flat lines occasionally which are awful, during these flatlines my dick doesn't feel sensitive. But when I'm horny, it's another story completely... Like another dick. So, I think in time you'll really become sensitive to a vagina... I have to work really hard not to come too soon now :/. But it is better than the opposite of this.

 

[misc person 86]

I have to give a semen sample on Wednesday. Was hoping my GF could go with me but she can't. So I gotta do it manually. Really not looking forward to it. It's there anyway I can do this and have my brain not notice I've done it ha.

 

[David Albert]

Just do it without any artificial stimulation and it will all be fine. Or bring a photo of your girlfriend, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You have enough experience and intelligence to move on swiftly from this episode. Don't freak out, lol, it's just another thing that needs to get done, period.

 

[misc person 86]

Thanks Dave. I think I'll be OK... It's just annoying as I don't want to waste an ejaculation. Pretty sure I could do it just to touch now, without imagination or stimuli, but still I am not looking forward to getting myself off after so many months.

 

[misc person 86]

On another note. I'm continuing to make good progress in the sack. Lastnight was the first time I've EVER got hard enough for sex just by being laid on top and kissing.

I know that sounds weird, and not much to celebrate, but up until now, I've needed my GF to touch me down there before I was ready to go in. Lastnight felt great and I had the confidence and desire to just make out and then put it in. Because of little foreplay too I lasted a lot longer too.

10 months feels good right now.

 

[Mind_reloaded]

that is a big deal. Means that you are strengthening those pathways! There was a time that i wasn't able to do that with a new girl. I still can't sometimes. I'm going thru my own reboot and struggle with the idea that my brain isn't responding to what seems like simple cues. i.e. a hot naked foreign chick telling me to do whatever to her. So maybe small to some but big if you put it in perspective.

 

[misc person 86]

Not posted here for a while. I'm seeing a bit of a pattern emerging when it comes to my libido dropping. I've been having a great time sexually with my partner, and have had a strong, successive run of sex, strong erections and general awesomeness... I'm still lacking a bit of confidence in my ability, and if I have sex say... 3 days in a row, I get anxious at the thought of over doing it and going in to a flat line again.

I feel like I went in to a flat line recently, just after the Xmas period, after about 13 successful sex attempts (over December), but I feel like I'm coming out of it quite quickly... so I'm not too worried, however, I'm just  making a note here.

The pattern I'm noticing is this: Before I feel like a flat line is starting, I begin to feel very horny... Like, I can't stop being all over my GF when she's clothed, rubbing against her, I can't stop getting boners and feel the urge to have sex really strongly. This recently, at the time made me feel "wow, I'm really beginning to feel cured", but then when it came to sex... my d**k went bloody limp and I was really anxious, my libido literally withered away during intercourse... I then ended up coming with a limp d**k and felt so depressed and libido-less for days afterwards. The same thing happened a couple of months ago... Lots of sex, then an almighty horny spike, followed by a failed erection and a flatline...

I can already feel that this flatline is to be shortlived, and I think that's because I've got a lot of normal, healthy sex under my belt and memorised in my head. I don't why, but on the lead up to the flat lines I become more naughty, like, I talk dirty and ask my GF to wear sexy nickers... I think it's this that's causing my set backs. I'm either getting over-confident and beginning to seek novelty (bad), or just losing my libido and frantically trying to hang on to it by over sexualising things. I really don't know... but it's a pattern I'm seeing emerging.

Annoyingly though, I liked being naughty and showing my GF how much I desired her sexually, she liked me putting my hands down her pants all the time I'm sure, and kissing her spontaneously all over when she's washing up... and I hope I can do this in the future, without going in to a depressing, awful flat line after the sex. I don't want to just be doing textbook sex forever in case my brain thinks anything else is too much like P.

Like I say, I don't even know if it is this that's the problem... it's just a pattern I've noticed.

Hope everyone doing well!!!